I don’t know if I’m even helping

I know exactly how you feel. My hubby died of Oesophageal cancer in November. He was literally just skin & bone at the end. He could eat pureed food & soup but he just didnt have any appetite.He was in hospital for 3 weeks before being transferred to our local hospice where he died less than 2 days later.The hospital food was disgusting so I took him in whatever he said he fancied eating but often when I gave it to him he said he didnt fancy it anymore. He would maybe have a couple of spoons of a lemon cheesecake then push it away. One day he asked for chips & gravy  so I went to the hospital restaurant & asked for a portion of chips & a pot of gravy .. I gave him about a dozen chips smothered in gravy & mashed them together but he only managed to eat a couple of mouthfuls. I must admit the gravy left a lot to be desired. I reckon it was only granuals mixed with water..not proper gravy. How hospitals expect patients to get better serving up the food they do is beyond me. Even tomato soup tasted rancid. He was given blended veg soup one day & the smell was enough to put anyone off eating it. It got to the point that I wouldn't eat in front of him cos I felt awful.

His dietician used to say to me give him anything he wants.he was prescribed ensure drinks but he didnt like them.  (Not many people do according to the dietician)He did like complan so he was prescribed something very similar. You could maybe ask for a prescription for the powders that are like complan. We were also told to give him full fat milk & if making mashed potatoes use plenty of milk or cream & butter.  This he did enjoy before he became too ill.

Thank you so much for replying and I’m so sorry you went through/are going through all this.  The hospital food is truly awful.  One night they handed my husband what looked like a fray bentos pie filled with melted cheese.  He’s been drinking yfood.  It’s so much better tasting than ensure and is 500cals per serving which helps.  I had the district nurse look at the label the other day and she said it looked great.  

Just reading others posts has helped me do much today.  I felt at absolute rock bottom and so alone.  I dried my tears and fixed myself up and focused my nerves on cleaning.  

Thank you to everyone going through this while trying to be strong.

The catering staff used to come in & ask if he would like a  ham sandwich even though they had been informed he was on level 4 pureed food. Bread & ham was definately a no no as he couldn't swallow this type of food due to the tumour. I got fed up of telling them this. When he was at home he asked me to cook some bacon just so he could suck the flavour off it. Another time I did braised steak cooked in Guinness & put it through the blender so it was just like a thick gravy which he thoroughly enjoyed poured over his special mash. Heinze big soups also got blended. I tried everything to put weight back on him. He did gain a bit till he went back into hospital & all my good work was undone.

That steak sounds like a brilliant idea.  I think I’m gonna give that a go.  I had to tell the hospital staff daily too about his very serious allergies but the next day it’s new staff and I’d have to repeat it all again.  The NHS is truly on its knees.  Our government should be ashamed 

Hi listabit, im sorry to read you are going through this terrible journey. Like detty, i list my husband recently, in October and he was just a bag of bones in the end, you could see all his ribs. 

He went right off food about 6 weeks before he died, he had the shakes but it hard to get them in him. He was dehydrated because he would barely drink. On a good day he would have a handful of cornflakes or half a piece of toast. What I didnt really know at the time was that it was the start of his body shutting down, the body no longer needs food, digestion becomes harder and if there are tumours in the stomach area, it can be painful to eat. Im not suggestiing that is what is happening to your husband, Im not a doctor, but if you have a good cancer team, you could ask. Have you been given a prognisis? Do you have any hospice support, ours are great, and continue to support me. 

Talking here does help, there are many of us ( sadly, too many) who have been there and understand the pain and fear of watching the one you love waste away in front of your eyes. Do reach out for any carer support available to you, it can be an absolure life saver for you. 

Hugs coming your way. 

Thank you so much for your kind words.  We haven’t been in touch with a hospice yet.  This time last month he was driving to appointments and shopping.  I should mention that his cancer has been stable for 2 years.  In fact the main kidney tumour started at 11cm and as far as we know it’s under 9cm from all of his chemo.  All of this has been such a shock.  Even his oncologist is bewildered at how fast this has happened.  We said from day one we didn’t want a prognosis.  It wasn’t until his hospital stay they started using words like end of life care.  

Hi I know what your going through I am going through similar my husband got head & neck cancer he's had it removed but he is not coping well & I feel helpless as to how to make him feel better he has trouble eating drinking & just gets so frustrated because he can not do all the things he used to. I pray & that helps me, I feel like I am falling apart now but I need to be strong for my husband my husband is on fortisip drinks which he takes due to not eating much, he takes one step forward & two steps back or that's how it feels. 

Hi there.  I’m so sorry we same to be in the same group here.  One day we’re hopeful, next day despair.  Maybe we can come here to just have a whine? It feels so good having people who know, say you’re doing everything you can and there are no guidebooks to all of this.  

Also maybe try husband with Yfood.  It’s 500 calories a bottle, full of vitamins and protein and fibre.  It’s not cheap sadly but worth its weight in gold.