Hi guys - Need some advice/support.
I'm 24 years old and my parents are divorced. 2 years ago my single dad was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer - he's been managing the cancer successfully with hormone therapies but recently his PSA has been doubling and his consultant has now confirmed that the therapy is no longer working. His next option is chemo. My dad has severe mental health issues aside from the cancer (long term manic depression and anxiety, he had a hard upbringing and his mother attempted suicide etc - very troubled). Due to this and the circumstances I've wound up in - I've been fairly parentrified growing up and am now having real mental health problems myself.
He and my brother have no relationship and all other family lives far away (Scotland & USA).For a long time everything has fallen on my shoulders in terms of being his emotional support - he treats and talks to me more like a spouse than his daughter and with the cancer diagnosis this has really exacerbated things. His physical health at the moment is sound enough to allow him to continue day to day life at a slower pace. He is able to look after himself but doesn't due to his mental health. I now live and work in London (moved in 2 months ago) and my dad lives back in the countryside - most weekends I still spend a day with him to basically pick him off the floor as he's often in a dark place. I've definitely adopted a mentality of just putting on the armour and going over to sort out this man who can't cope and in a total panic. It's very very very hard. Supporting him emotionally for as long as I can remember has slowly started to run me into the ground and is effecting my life massively as all my energy, emotions and free time is preoccupied by him. My relationships with friends & boyfriend is suffering. I either feel totally numb or in a total panic.
He does not know whether chemo is something he wants to do. But today, he made it very clear that if he goes ahead with it he expects he will need me to move back home and in with him to look after him physically and emotionally. He expects that my work can simply 'pause' my employment for a year or so if I just ask them... I know that with or without chemo, he will need proper care as he gets sicker. At the moment I am terrified that this will become my job because there is no one else to do it or share the load with, and regardless of my job/career, I am terrified that I cannot cope with the emotional strain. I'm not trained to give palliative care - the whole thing is just totally overwhelming. I feel immense guilt refusing this sole responsibility of becoming his carer and I love him dearly/what to be there for him, but I also feel huge resentment that it's all my job. Should I be expected to put my life on hold to become my dad's carer - would this even be sensible given both of our emotional states? Are there any other options available to me or is this just it now for me for the next year or so? He can't afford counselling or physical care to help himself - I can't even afford my London rent let alone anything more serious... I'm not in a position to stop working to look after him.
I know I sound selfish - I just don't know what to do or who to turn to for help. Sorry for the essay... thanks for any thoughts or advice, I really really appreciate it.
