Giving up

Hi and a warm welcome to Carers. I'm sorry to hear about how unwell your husband is. It's quite normal for people to give up at times, so please don't worry. It's obviously very stressful to get any cancer diagnosis and the shock takes people in different ways. My husband said he would refuse treatment and, like you, I was very upset, then surprised when the consultant said which treatment he should have only for my husband to accept immediately. Three weeks is very early into diagnosis so if you give your husband the space to work through his emotions while supporting him in whatever way you find works, it's quite likely that things will settle and the fighter will come back. 

Love and hugs,

It really isn’t easy caring for someone with such a devastating illness, I know only too well.  My husband was diagnosed in October 2019, initially there were tears and depression, followed by a willingness to accept chemotherapy treatment, followed by more illness and depression.  Currently he is very low and is taking it  out on me (I can’t do anything right) and has upset our daughter, he says that he doesn’t want to go on any more just wants to go to sleep and not wake up.

I don’t know how to deal with any of this any more, and have spent most of today in tears.  

I come onto this group and find relief in the realisation that it is all normal, and others are experiencing the same rollercoaster of emotions.  I hope things get better for you and your husband, we just have to deal with it all ...... tomorrow is another day 

Hi Emanjay. I agree it’s not easy caring for your loved one. My husband was diagnosed with end stage lung cancer last August it’s  gone to the bone  and lymph node is his chest. It was such a shock to him but he kept positive and had radiotherapy but only a mild session bcos of his age he’s 81. Also had his lungs drained he’s been through the mill. Prior to this he was a very active lively man. Now he’s bedbound with Carers who are such a godsend. He’s in a lot of pain when they move him. No pain killers help this. His tummy is swollen and his feet and legs. I’m heartbroken watching this vile disease taking him as are our kids who are such a help. He takes it out on me too and didn’t want any help until 3weeks ago when I told him I can’t cope on my own. He agreed to Carers coming in and night sitters twice a week. Now he has to stay in bed for all his care and it’s horrid to see. I miss him so much as I know we have already lost him. Theres a lot of helpout there for the asking. As you say we have to deal with it......    There’s always tomorrow.....

Hi Tillie61,

If it helps I believe my husband (51) was diagnosed with stomach cancer like your husband. We were told it was stage 4 on Christmas Eve! We have both gone through a rollercoaster of emotions and sometimes he is negative but I can’t imagine how it must feel. I do feel very lonely sometimes but try to always be strong for both of us and do what I can to cheer him up. Since diagnosis he has been having chemo (cycle 5 next week) and so far he is coping well and it’s even made eating a little easier. 

We’ve been told his cancer is currently inoperable but we’re remaining hopeful that he can beat the odds. Besides that we try not to think about the future too much and just enjoy each day together and get on with our new ‘normal’ life. What else can you do.

I hope that helps and hope your husband is now accepting treatment.