Sole carer

FormerMember over 5 years ago

14 replies
39 subscribers
7788 views

Hello. I don't know if I've come here for advice, support or just to offload...maybe all three.

My aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer six weeks ago, sadly it has also spread to her bones and spinal canal. After a four week hospital stay she was discharged...deemed medically fit to be at home. She is due to see the oncology team in two days time to ascertain what treatment, if any, she will be getting.

I've been her sole carer and I'm at my wits end. The emotional and physical toll is getting too much for me...I have a disability myself. Her only son lives in England and refused to travel, due to the corona crisis. I'm trying so hard to be understanding but this situation also arose eight years ago...when she was diagnosed with Lymphoma. I was sole carer then as well and the stress left me quite ill.

I love my aunt dearly and watching her deterioration is destroying me. She can't eat....can only drink sips of water and is sleeping most of the time. I was so concerned I took her to A&E last week....they sent her home.

She won't entertain the thought of 'strangers' coming to the house but I don't know how much longer I can cope. She said today that she won't be able to go to her oncology appointment!

Please, does anyone have any advice. I'm in Northern Ireland by the way and don't know if services are different than on the mainland.

Jean

Cyprusfan over 5 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi Jean

I understand totally what you mean. It's hard going caring I know from experience.

Maybe if you told him you know he told his mother he wasn't coming it would open the dialogue up between you ..just a thought.

Hayley xx

Hayley

Granny Sue over 5 years ago

You cant make people do the right thing You have been an amazing support and in life we can only do our best .You can only tell her son how serious the situation is and its then down to his own conscience what he chooses to do.Unfortunately in these situations some people dont step up to the mark and its best to forget about them.Not very fair but life isnt us it ? . Good luck and remember you are doing a wonderful job and your Aunt is very lucky to have you .

Granny Sue

LoobyLou49 over 5 years ago

@jean-marie (it won't let me tag you at the moment so hope you get this).

Hi jean, just a thought, do you have a laptop with Skype? It's another option for your cousin to see how ill his mother is, after that, as Granny Sue says, it's not something you can make him do and there's no sense in upsetting yourself, nor do you want him to bring coronavirus with him from travelling which would be a worry just now.

Love and hugs,

LoobyLou
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FormerMember over 5 years ago in reply to LoobyLou49

Hi everyone and thank you so much for the support.

An update.....well, sometimes fate has a funny way of directing us. My cousin now knows exactly how I feel. His mum fell today...luckily I was there. I nearly wrecked myself getting over the coffee table but thank God I managed to catch her. Poor wee soul only weighs about six stone so I'm thanking the stars above I could hold her weight. I rang out of hours doctor as it's a Bank holiday here today. She advised not to take her to A&E because of the corona risk.

I've to ring GP in the morning and ask for emergency social worker to see about either an urgent care package or a social admission. I'll be with her tonight. I rang her son and laid it on the line...upshot is...he may be over tomorrow. I'm praying he does come over but if not as long as I can make sure she's safe that is my priority right now. As the vertebrae in her spine are crumbling a fall could be catastrophic.

MAny, many thanks for your responses.

Jean x

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