44 and feeling exhausted

Hi and a warm welcome to Carers and the Community. I'm sorry to hear about your husband, you've clearly got a lot on your plate. You might find some useful information here with advice on how to talk to children about cancer in a loved one. I'm sure there's something there that will help your daughter to cope with what is happening. I fully understand your emotional predicament; you've taken the first step, but the next one is the one that breaks open the flood gates. Do call our helpline on 0808 808 0000; it's open 8am-8pm every day and is manned by experts who are very understanding and the 'floods of tears' will probably help you to get your head round it all as it will be such a release and another step towards getting the counselling you need. Have a look at this page and see if there's a Maggie's Centre near you. They run courses for those with cancer and their carers and can help enormously with the stress side of it all. I wonder if your employers might give you some time off? This link will take you to the employees' rights page.

I understand too that, as you say, your husband is 'moody, sick and disengaged'. It's a quite common reaction to cancer when someone has to face the facts, the illness and the treatment that can make people so sick. It's difficult to be cheerful when you feel ill all the time, plus he's likely to be worrying about you and your daughter.

First thing though, once your daughter is off to school, grab your courage with both hands and make that phone call to the helpline. Bite the bullet and then you can start getting some support in place. 

Thinking of you,

It sounds like I have a similar situation to you. I dont understand why sick people have to lash out at those to keep them going, but I experience it a lot.

I don't hide anything from my children but I will discretely try to talk through things with them. I want them to understand that what they see and hear might be normal from a sick person but not for a healthy person. That they mustn't copy. It also gives them empathy towards their dad.

Well done for coping with everything you have going on. I find my demanding job can be an escape from home. Make sure you have one thing for you - a run, walk, friend... you need to find one thing for yourself.

Hugs x

I understand what you mean . My husband has stage 4 lung cancer and we have a near 6 year old. It’s stressful , and horrible and I understand everything you are saying . I have been speaking to a counsellor and with lockdown etc on top of everything I also spoke to dr re some tablets which I haven’t really had before but both have been helping .. 

if u want a chat please pm me x

I understand completely. I am carer to my partner who has just finished radiotherapy a few weeks ago for glioblastoma and am mother to 4 children who I am currently homeschooling due to Covid 19. I also have an energetic dog that needs lots of exercise and am also trying to work from home. My partner doesn't understand nature of the illness and is always reluctant to take medication. To cut long story short my partner had been secretly reducing seizure meds so now suffering consequences of this past two days of multiple conversations with Dr's with my partner arguing with Dr's that it's meds making them ill now on Increased doses of everything. Feel some days I'm lucky if I get dressed before midday and then feel bad for complaining about this.