Struggling

Hi , oh, the number of times I have read very similar stories. Believe me, you are not alone nor are you 'cold and uncaring', you're stressed out of your mind and no wonder. If your mum hasn't already been referred to the hospice ask her GP for the referral as there is so much they can do to support you in the home; they might also be able to take her so you can have a few days complete break. I'd also contact the council to see what other support your mum and you are entitled to.

Sometimes visitors need to know that you're up to your eyes in it, but I know exactly what you mean, unless you're going through it yourself people just don't get it. I completely understand that you don't make much eye contact; it's hard to see your mum like that and we're all as different as the situations we find ourselves in. Do let your GP know how you are feeling, preferably tomorrow, make an appointment and if you're not already on it, get on the surgery carers' register as that also opens up more support (most GP surgeries have them now). Also ask, again if not already done, for a referral to Macmillan for more support for your mum in the home and please let me know how you get on and ask if you need any more information, there are links I can post.

Love and hugs,

I totally get what you are saying here.  My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer in October 2019, initially the devastating news overwhelmed our every thought but as the weeks have gone by we have settled in down to take each day as it comes ... he is the one that is facing this awful disease and I try to do my best to care for him but feel that I fail all of the time, he has other health issues which cloud every symptom that shows itself and sometimes I am at my wits end.  I get stressed and worried every day and find myself crying at the slightest thing.  I have no one to talk to as he refuses to go anywhere or to see any of our friends because he doesn’t want to talk about it, and while I understand and respect that things need to be done at his pace he is in effect isolating me as well.  It makes me frustrated, stressed, upset and yes sometimes angry too .. I hate myself for feeling this way!

It is all so very difficult to cope with, I wish I could offer words of wisdom and comfort to you but need those myself ....

Hi Emanjay and welcome to Carers. Please don't hate yourself, you are stretched to breaking point. I would urge you to contact your GP and get an appointment very soon, they can help with CBT and with medication. Don't refuse medication if it's offered; I've been on anti-depressants with my husband's cancer and it is a lifeline. Isolation is bad for Carers, it's a slippery slope that can lead to worse. I don't want to sound alarmist but if you are ill you can't look after your husband. It's like a drowning person trying to rescue a drowning person.

Love and hugs,