Scared of future

Hi Maria842,

I am sorry for the situation you are finding yourself in. And I can relate very much to what you dhave written. I was caring for my husband for a number of years and particularly in the last year of his life; we enjoyed the good times together but when he was very unwell I felt like I was only the carer and was very much on my own and that we were both struggling in different ways: he was struggling to survive and I was struggling to keep it all together in my own way. I think there is no solution to it other than, as you say, make changes in your own life so that you can accommodate the life that is so much dominated by the illness better. Would joining a support group help? Do you feel that an activity like yoga or meditation outside the home with a group of like-mined people could be good? Or are there some things you particularly like doing and could imagine doing for a couple of hours per week to get you out and thinking about something else? You can still be a loving team with your husband and still be his carer when this is needed most but you also have some of your own things to do. In my case, it was different. I changed my life so that I was only with my husband and there for him. I didn't go to work for the last three months of his life, did very little without him and outside the home, but that in retrospect was not good because I ended up being really burned out. So I suppose we all have to find our own way. But, yes, I understand you.

Love Mel.

Hi , I completely understand where you're coming from. You might like to ask your husband's Macmillan Nurse about the Companion Scheme where someone could come and sit with your husband during the tough times so you can have a break. MelanieL is so right about looking after yourself. Try going for a walk, having a warm bath, anything to take time out and build up your reserves.The change in relationships when we are more carer than spouse certainly changes how I feel; I have a dog so I take her out for long walks and that helps me so much, but I appreciate when things are tough that getting out is not easy. The practical changes I'm sure will make a huge difference; very wise of you to go that way. 

Love and hugs,