Hi All
I’m not sure where to begin. My Mum had a lobectomy 4yrs ago. All went well and she was back to normal quite quickly.
In January it came back, this time in the lymph nodes in her chest. Lots of them and quite large. Chemo was her only option, the first couple of cycles she coped well with, but the third has been horrendous, so much so that we have had to move her in with us. She has one more cycle to go, which has been deferred due to her being so unwell this time.
I am worried sick how the last one will go. She is down to 39.5 kilos, very weak and struggling. They want her to have Radiotherapy after this! I really don’t think she will get through it at this rate.
My emotions are all over the place, as are Mums.
I get so angry, because I feel trapped and helpless. Frustrated because if I try to gee her up I’m accused of not wanting her (she is very good at the guilt trip thing), I am her sole carer, as we lost my Dad to cancer 16yrs ago and I have no siblings.
I am also raising 1 of my 5 grandchildren as my own, had him from a couple of weeks old, will be 6 shortly and have 2 of his siblings alternate weekends. My OH works away from home every couple of weeks or so.
I am feeling overwhelmed with responsibility, some days I just can’t think straight, I have to write everything down, because I don’t trust myself to remember where I need to be, what time or which jobs need doing etc etc etc.
Ordered a stairlift today, so that we can get Mum back home (which she keeps saying she can’t wait to do), started cleaning the house ready for her return and when the guy left I got “you can’t wait to get rid of me, can you”. I admit I almost lost it, but managed to hold back the anger and just let her know how much it hurt when she says these things and that I do have other responsibilities that have to be sorted out.
I know I need help, but I don’t know where to get it from or what if anything we are entitled to. Mum has been difficult in the past about having anyone but me do things for her, but today I finally had to say, she may have to accept that I can’t always be there and someone else will have to help out occasionally.
I am being torn in so many directions, Mum, Hubby, little one, grandkids and there is contact supervision once a month on top of that for the little one, with his parents and a grandparent.
