Anything positive?

Hi @haguey and welcome to Carers. For some reason I can't tag you, which would send an email letting you know there is a reply, so I hope you see this.

I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say, 'I'm not good at stopping and chilling'. Survival through the cancer journey as a carer is dependant on taking time out and relaxing whenever you can. It's been a long time since I ran a thread on relaxation and must be time for another one.

We all have different ways; here are a few that members have provided over the last year:

Go outside and deep breathe a few times, look around at the good things there, birds, trees, sky and clouds, just because it's there.

Take a hot bath with nice smelling products (bloke stuff or girl stuff can smell lovely and relaxing).

Go for a walk in a park or somewhere with pleasant surroundings.

Play relaxing music, your own or on a free website.

Do something that is just for yourself.

Go out for coffee with a friend.

Let your GP know you are a carer. Some surgeries keep a list of registered carers; get your name on it as it opens up other areas of support. If you have no time at all to make a space for you, ask the Macmillan nurse for information on the Buddies or Companion scheme for extra support and someone to sit with your loved one so you can take a short break.

We all forget to look after ourselves and need a reminder from time to time but getting into the habit of taking time for ourselves is as important as getting our loved ones to the doctor.

I'm sure you'll hear from others soon. Sending a virtual hug,

Hi ,

Wen I was struggling I managed to get a space on a living with less stress course with Maggies. Realised this living in the future is not helpful and I needed to appreciate what I have, controlled breathing was a great way do dealing with bad news but was also great in dealing with unexpected news but is quite good for helping to relax too.

Sometimes I have had to take a break from work to make some room for me, mostly that has not caused me more problems but some staff seem to have decided to make my life more difficult of recent - helpful not but being part of an active trade union has been mostly helpful.

One of the issues with resilience is you can end up focusing on the straw that breaks the camels back rather than the sum pressure that is the real cause of the problem - I was actually talking to a safety representative who works for an NHS mental health trust the other day.

Through cancer my wife and I have become much closer, we talk freely about what worries us without the idea that somehow having cancer is a fault - we have been living with cancer now for 6 years.

<<hugs>>

Steve 

Morning Haguey

We're 7 years into this ride with Cancer.

I have come to the conclusion that it is like a lot of things in life, you need to accept where you are, accept the changes it will make to your life as hard as that may seem and make the changes accordingly.

It is not easy and don't let anyone tell you it is.

You will probably find that your 2 young children will accept things more readily than you will because kids tend to be more adaptable.

One very important thing I have found over the years is "look after yourself", after all you will be carrying a lot of the donkey work, and "DO NOT feel guilty about escaping sometimes".

Learn to accept help from wherever and whoever offers, that has been my hardest task because I am a "I can do it, I can cope" type of person but believe me there are times when I have been on my knees.

Never stop talking to people, share your anxieties. 

In the bedinning there were times when we thought that we were not going to survive this journey, times when you feel the whole world is against, but we have overcome those, then we hit a plateau where life bumbles along normally, (well normally for us), then we hit a downward spiral again and you just have to hold on tightly. That is the "new normal" for us, and we have adjusted our life to suit the ride.

One of the most difficult things for us was financial, we are both self employed so of course the income dried up, our lifestyle changed out of all recognition the first year was tough as we watched the savings dwindle to nothing but battling the cancer was the most important thing, after a year of not working my husband was able to return to work a couple of days a week, I crammed in as much as physically able between daily hospital visits (he was in hospital 5 hour return trip for 4 months), no children to look after but 3 dogs who needed attention.

And we are still here to tell the tale, it was tough, would I want to go through it again? Of course not but if we had to then yes we would get on with it.

So you will get through the tough times, as difficult as it seems just now for you, when you feel as though you can not take anymore you will, to support your wife, and to make the children's lives as normal as possible.

I wish you luck on this new journey, not a journey you have chosen but one you have been given, hang on tightly to your family and surround yourself with a few good friends who are willing to support you come hell or high water.

Jackie D x