Awake and up all night

Evening Rose. Well you're being very honest love, but you've got yourself into a habitual routine that's proving very hard to break by the sound of it. However, you do realise it's doing you no good, so that's a start.

Have you spoken to anyone about it, like your sister, CNS or GP? I reckon it's time you did hon, as you need some help to get off this destructive path.

Here's an idea - call the Macmillan helpline when it opens at 8 am and tell them what you've told us. I'm pretty sure they'll be able to give you contacts to talk things through with those who are trained to deal with your problem. Unfortunately, I doubt any of us can do that sufficiently and can only offer advice on steps to take.

Why not give it a go in a few hours and see what happens, as you've nothing to lose and maybe you'll get yourself back on track. 

Hoping this helps you out a little bit, and sending hugs xxx

Thanks Gill, I appreciate that.

i went into therapy about 6 months ago because of how all the stuff to do with my mum….. it’s changed its course since the cancer diagnosis.  I’ve talked with him about it.   
physically, the best I feel is after a drink (I have long term chronic pain) .   I think part of the process of dealing with it/managing it is acknowledging it to other people, like here.

i had thought that the pattern would be broken by going into hospital, but then, of course, my surgery was delayed.  I want to try and break it myself before my admission.  

Hey Rose, I used to drink, far too much, but just around two years ago I had my epiphany moment and stopped, completely. I never thought I could go cold turkey but I did and haven't touched a drop since. Even my OH's cancer diagnosis didn't tempt me, or any of the other rotten things, so I know what I'm talking about. I never sought help either when I realised I could do it myself because I wanted to.

But we're all different and I guess you need a strong incentive - think about your upcoming surgery and how you'll need to recover afterwards. Drinking won't help that at all lovely. Could you ring your therapist and talk to him about it? Try anything you can if you can't do it alone xxx

Hi Rose

I think coming on here and talking about the drinking is very brave and maybe the start you need to making a change. 

I used to drink a lot more than I do now and Alan was showing early signs of liver disease so we cut right back, having set dry days and drinking 0% gin & tonic which really helped. Luckily his liver has recovered. 

I also have a glass of sparkling water while drinking wine just to break it up.

Gill has made a good suggestion about calling the helpline today, maybe start there. Good luck.

H 

Thanks everyone for your supportive and helpful comments

Hi Rose

I used to drink too much alcohol too. I drank more than I should during covid. One of my sons was a nurse on the frontline running a Covid ward and my other son has an autoimmune condition which meant he is very susceptible to viruses. To top it all we had a new grandson born with hydrocephalus which meant he was in and out of hospital and because of all the regulations we couldn’t see him. It was an awful time and it felt like alcohol really helped. The trouble is it became a habit which was hard to kick. I gave up drinking 31/2 years ago before my diagnosis. I feel so much better without alcohol but it is hard to kick a habit like that. We are all here to support you and you are very brave opening up to us. Sending you lots of hugs 

Linda xxx

I can not sleep at all. Every night it's the same thing. I lie there trying and trying but nothing happens. In the end I just read a book or watch tv until I finally fall asleep.

Me too. Binge watching Downton Abbey. It's grim on places but is a distraction.

Then I leave Agatha Raisin audiobook playing all night.

Hope you get off eventually.

Julie x

Good evening Darren, and welcome aboard.

It's like Groundhog Day, isn't it, the same routine of thinking tonight might be the night for falling asleep with ease. Unfortunately not for a fair few of us here. Is there anything in particular keeping you awake hon? xxx

Mainly pain in my legs and back.The constant worry about upcoming chemo and how I'm going to cope with that ain't helping. Then there's the thoughts of how long will I survive for. 

Went to a support group today. Must have been the youngest one there by a good few years (I'm 47). One guy said "well we've all had a good innings, I got to retire a few years ago and now I just wait to see where the cancer takes me next. Cancer is a positive thing because it makes you enjoy your memories more". 

All I could think is....... I still want time to make memories. Just seems so bloody hard.