Awake and up all night

Hi, my wife was diagnosed 2 weeks ago with breast cancer, in the lymph nodes too and looks like it's in the lung as well. A real roller coaster that is affecting her, me, our son and daughter. Seems to me that we all go through this journey, or should I call it battle...it seems that as time goes on there's more questions than answers. My wife ask me loads and all I can say is I don't know...

Hi Magicwebber and a warm welcome to our friendly group, although I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis that will be really tough on you all.

Ask your wife if she'd like to join the Breast cancer forum, or you could on her behalf, as there you'll be able to connect with others in the same situation as your wife. The folk there will be able to answer many questions through lived experience, but I'd advise you to avoid Dr Google and stick to reputable sites for pertinent information.

Always feel welcome to come here at any time for support though, as the lovely members are fab at giving that, or anything else you want to talk about. Even moaning or ranting is good if you need an outlet to get things off your chest, as we never judge. I tend to agree with you and look on the whole process as a battle; one I hope we can all win. Sending you and your family hugs xxx

Thank you Gill,

She's a very private person and whilst she's able to ask me questions and rant at me she has told me, talk to people but I can't at the moment.

The Biggest problem seems to be the system. OMG, she watched the stand up to cancer talking about the benefits of early diagnosis. She said they keep saying that but then it's one step at at a time. This test...oh we need another prob be in the next 2 weeks oh another scan needed oh within the next 2 weeks.

So far she's been lucky cos we're prepared to travel so cat scan,pet scan and breast biopsy done.

The fist consultant we saw explained things in a very good and positive tone. Saying, you'll need chemo.so we can hopefully reduce the lump. If it goes well, we'll be able to do a lumpectomy. If it doesn't get small enough for that it will have to be a mastectomy. Is it curable, oh yes it is.

So we were sent away being told the next appointment will be with an oncologist who will explain the treatment plan.

So last week went went to the appointment. The consultant Sat there no hello or how are yous...I'll need to examine you...so she take her too off behind the screen and I couldn't there

 I'll need to feel the lump, with her whole breast bruised from a previous test she says you can't touch it, it far too painful then he stuck two fingers into it. That really upset her.

Then hesat her down and his words were chemo then a mastectomy. Are you not the oncologists,  no surgeon he says. And that was it.

Now she feels so negative about everything. That man, in a 5 minute long appointment killed any hope in her. She now feels like she isn't gonna make it.

I have to agree with her that it would have been better not to have gone and she def don't want anything more to do with him.

Ive told her tobdisregard him and look forward to the next appointment, once she's had the ebus scan...we've yet to hear about an appointment though

Omg, your poor wife. Some of these guys need serious lessons in adopting a good bedside manner, and yes, I know how busy they are but it really doesn't help when they upset patients.

Anyway, the good news is you're on your way, with scans and biopsies already done, but be prepared for many appointments to come. I hope you'll be able to accompany your wife as you're her main source of support and she'll need you there, even if only to hold her hand and then talk afterwards.

I purposely didn't put Stand up to Cancer on tonight for a couple of reasons. My OH had a total laryngectomy this time last year and I'm sure he's got PTSD as a result. He point blank refuses to watch anything surgically related now, whereas once it didn't bother him. He can't speak as a result of his surgery and it's hard getting him to write down his feelings. He won't join any groups, so I do all that for him too. Your wife isn't alone with how she feels. But here's something that might give her a bit of a lift. My mam got breast cancer and had a mastectomy, but she was 86 at the time, recovered amazingly and lived a great life for a further eight years. It wasn't cancer but a stroke that saw her off, sadly. Your lovely wife has got age and you on her side in your case.

Why not tell her CNS about how the surgeon's attitude upset her? Hopefully they'll be able to get her back on track, as she needs the treatment to get well again. The main thing is that she doesn't spiral, so you'll need to be her rock and guide her through what's coming.

Nothing will be easy for a good while, but ask everyone everything and fingers crossed the lights will start to appear again. Never give up hope, do what the doctors tell you to do and ignore attitudes of those that get on your nerves. They'll only be in your lives for a brief period, so that's a way to look at it.

Good luck and give your wife a big hug, as that's sometimes the best medicine there is. xxx

What a lovely reply hope it helps you 

Hi Magicwebber, my thoughts are with you all. I am newish to this forum, but in the short time ive been here i have welcomed the support and how understanding everyone is. There is so much to process initially and a very emotional time, everyone deals with it in their own way. Warm hugs to you all  xx

Hi Magicwebber19

It is absolutely terrible how one doctors uncaring attitude can have such a devastating effect on a patient he should be ashamed of himself. How horrible for your wife and you it must have been very upsetting. If it is any encouragement at all my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago with metastasis in her pelvis. She underwent chemo for 5 months followed by surgery and radiotherapy and hormone therapy. She has just had her 2 year appointment and got the all clear. The secondaries in her pelvis have completely gone and she is back working. It was a tough road but she dealt with it like a trouper. I hope her story is encouraging for your wife!

Linda xxx

Hi Lynne

We had a wander round St Omer in the dark yesterday, it's very festive.

We moved to Calais today and have done over 10,000 steps having a good wander round.

It's cold now, 3°, but we're toasty in the motorhome

H 

Hi 

Sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis and the effects on the family.  Rant away on here whenever you feel the need.

H 

You are getting about making memories.enjoy .so glad you are having a good time . looking forward to hearing more from your adventure sending hugs