Family member diagnosed: is it normal to feel nothing?

FormerMember over 4 years ago

1 reply
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Hello,

I've never dealt with myself or anyone close to me having cancer before. I am not in contact with my father but he recently contacted me and informed me that my grandmother, who I am still in contact with and love dearly, has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He has not given me much information other than the fact her surgery to place a stent went well. I'm not sure on her treatments, what's planned or even the stage... But the odd thing is, I haven't cried about this yet. I'm usually a very emotional person but instead of being upset, I feel more detached from the situation. I'm not allowed to visit her due to covid, so it may be the fact that it just doesn't seem real. I know she's old (in her 70s) and she's in no pain but I still can't stand the thought of losing her. I've been told to prepare myself for the worst but I'm not used to this empty feeling of having no emotional reaction. Should I be having one? Is it possible I'm in shock? I'm not sure where else to go to speak to people about this who might have been through a similar thing.

KTatHome over 4 years ago

Hi , I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother, we all react to news differently, when I heard my own diagnosis I at first laughed in disbelief. I then went through a period of numbness not feeling anything. For me sometimes I couldn’t tell how I felt until I listened to music and the lyrics would just strike a cord, or adds on the TV that would have gone unnoticed before annoyed the hell out of me (Funeral plans, life insurance, Cancer research, Marie Curie, Macmillan, Cancer and death was suddenly everywhere.

I noticed that this was the only group you’ve joined so far, and wondered if you wanted to look at the Family and friends - Discussion Forum, you are more than likely to find someone going through a similar experience , that connection has helped me. Just click on the link I created. I also found reading the Macmillan information and support pages, I don’t know if you’ve come across them, I will try and find the link for you.

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/supporting-someone/emotional-support-for-family-and-friends

Be kind to yourself, you’ve had unexpectedly sad news, a hope the above helps a little, and although you can’t visit that you find some other way to let her know your thinking of her, as I’m sure she’s also thinking of you.

Take care

Take care KT