Surreal

Hi, I think everyone has their own coping mechanisms and you need to go with what works for your own mental health.

I was diagnosed in 2023, had a single mastectomy and lymph clearance. I considered myself lucky that I was able to have immediate reconstruction. I went on to have chemo, radio and further surgery.

Those first initial months are an absolute whirlwind of information, tests, decisions, it can almost be too hard to breathe. My personal way of dealing with things was just one day at a time, step by step. I only ever found out what I really needed to know (to this day I couldn’t tell you what type/numbers/letters my cancer was), I just felt I didn’t need to know. There is so much to cope with and none of that jargon makes any sense to me and to be honest I felt I didn’t need to make sense of it. It was there, there was nothing I could do other than show up where and when I was told! But everyone is different some people’s way of coping is to know every tiny detail.

I remember having a meeting with my oncologist who was telling me various things and he could see I wasn’t really taking it in. I simply said ‘I don’t really need to know the ins and outs as that’s what you are dealing with fabulously for me. I just need to know if i’m going to fall off my perch in the near future?’ He laughed and said I’d be ok as long as I wasn’t planning on picking a fight with a bus!

It is such a long journey, one i’m still on but i’m grateful each day to still be here. There is plenty of time to find out all of the finer details if that’s what you need, but for now, take each day as it comes, move through it all as gently as you can and deal with it how works best for you. Don’t worry about other people’s questions, just say I don’t know and that’s the way I want it for now.

Take care of yourself, get plenty of rest and I know it’s a boring one but gentle exercise and lots of water help keep things ticking along x

Hi Marmitini

This is all such a lot of information to take in all at once, from diagnosis to then having to make decisions on what to do and the thought of the afters!  It's a lot.  Give yourself time and take a moment away from it all when you can.  Your mind races all around for answers and it's so hard to get them.  It's so overwhelming and surreal.  My advice to you is, you are going to get fixed, now is the time to have some joy before you are healing after a reconstruction.  Buy comfortable things and go away somewhere beautiful.  You will of course do this again in a few months but now is the time to go and have a break.  Just pace yourself and squeeze as much joy out of NOW.  Don't get hung up on all the stuff way ahead, deal with is as it comes in and a piece at a time.  This is hard but try and keep a pragmatic mind.

I had a reconstruction 2.5 years ago and it was hard work but it was doable and making sure you have comfort and enough space (mentally/physically) to recover (and hopefully someone to bring you cups of tea and marmite on toast ha ha ha) was key.  Reading books that gave me hope also was key.  After 6-8 weeks I went on a pre-caner-planned trip to Belfast and was able to keep up with my mates and do everything I needed, bit more care of course but I was there.  I had some lymph nodes taken during the recon and I had some cancerous cells in so then it was chemo fo 4-5 months followed by radio.  It sucked but I dealt with it piece by piece.  After all the treatment I joined a gym and starting getting much more healthy for my future self.  I am doing a sprint triathlon soon too. I gave me drive and I have never looked back.  I am 2 years into Tamoxifen and well into menopause.  I am 51.  Tablets aren't as bad as made out.  It's all OK!!! 

I hope everything goes well for you, breathe and listen to those birds!!!! XXX

Books recommendation "Complete Guide to Breast Cancer - Trish Greenhalgh, Liz O'riordan" - pretty good to read all about it and get clued up.  Also "Cured - Jeff Rideger" - fascinating stories of health, cancer, remission etc.