Has everyone told their kids about their breast cancer?

Yes I had to break it to my kids too. My 10 year old was OK as I explained that there is cure. The older one who is 13 was speechless which concerned me. I've also been recently diagnosed.

I was given a book called "Mummy's lump" it is for under 5s but actually I read it to all my kids explain what will happen on this journey. Xx

Ps answering you back at this time  as really can't sleep. 

Thanks for your reply.  I’m just not convinced he needs to know the exact details.  Obviously if chemo etc is needed then we will have to tell him, but for now I think it’s enough that he knows I’m poorly. 

it’s hard isn’t it, getting your head around it all. 

Hi 

I would mention the surgery as it may mean an overnight hospital stay (you don't have to say it is cancer) but wait until you get the pathology results report in and your treatment plan put in place before deciding the next steps in talking about this. Fingers crossed, you may not need chemo.

10 year olds will soon pick up on the change in atmosphere around the house so will know something is up and some explanation is better than them trying to guess what is going on.

Have you a date for the surgery yet ?

G n' J

surgery was done on Tuesday. Back to see TV e surgeon next week.  

Hi

Ah! Didn't realise you already jumped that hurdle.

Fingers crossed for a speedy hassle free recovery and hoping from your results you get to dodge the chemo bullet.

G n' J

Yes, doing ok after it.  

Thanks for getting back to me. 

X

Hi.I have two boys age 7 and 9 .My 9 years old knew before we told them. He said to me one day I am worried that someone will die. That was the start of conversation. I ask him why he think that someone will die. He said I am worried that you are really sick Mummy.He heard when I said to my husband I have a lump then he knew about appointments.He notice that we where upset even when we try to hide it well.Kids notice more things that we think and are more scared when they don't know what's happening.In my opinion it's better for them to know as you can prepare them for what will happen and then they can cope better. We told our boys about the diagnosis and treatment. It's important to tell them that you don't always die from cancer that you can treat it. We explained all the side effects what can happen so they knew that I will loose my hair and that I will feel unwell.Don't get me wrong they still cry and get upset but overall they are really good with that. 

thanks for your reply.  my son knows I'm ill and have had a lump removed, but I don't feel the need to tell him it's cancer as it seems like early stage and no chemo will be needed.  I can't bear to upset him unless it's absolutely necessary.

let's see what the next few weeks bring.

Telling my kids was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. They are 13 and 11 and my son has special needs so did a lot of researching, speaking to appropriate professionals, charities before we told them. I had a couple of books for my son so he could understand one was ‘Mummy’s Lump’ and the other was ‘Cancer Party’ and the latter was better at explaining how cells work. For my daughter I was recommend the book ‘My Parent got cancer and it sucks’ which is written by teenagers for teenagers and she said it was really helpful. I told her that her friends may say their stories of cancer but that wasn’t my story and she can ask me anything about it. We kept it brief and let them ask questions and gave them loads of hugs. They have been ok, my daughter was amazing after my surgery trying to look after me. What we have done for my radiotherapy which started today was to put a big calendar up with my dates on so the kids can cross them off, it should help them see that there is an end to the treatment. 

Hi 

I had same and didn’t tell my children. They knew I had surgery, just not the big C part. Partly as they knew a family friend with a different type of cancer who had died just when I was going through it and I worried they would not be able to separate me from them.

I don’t think they guessed however it meant I told barely anyone so they wouldn’t find out, which meant there were very few people asking how I was. Sometimes this worked well so i could get on with life and pretend nothing was wrong but sometimes I wanted to scream ‘do you know what I’m going through??’

Staff at Maggie’s gave me a very hard time for this and told me my kids would resent me forever - I think they would understand when I told them why I didn’t say... it’s a tough one but I think there are pros and cons for both options. Good luck!