My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Lesley this baby is certainly wanting to keep you on your toes!  Dave, I am doffing my cap to you as I type.  As others have said Gayle and you have done such an amazing job over the last couple of weeks.

Well what can I say.  I think I should go backwards - this morning I was terribly flat, but not worried about that, in fact expected it because of having the 'do' yesterday.  Was already to weep my way through a post and that cheeky wee Napoleon popped out of the screen at me and completely changed my whole state of mind....... talk about Penguin Power!!!!  So here I am smiling and giggling to myself.  Amazing

The 'do' went really well, started quite quietly for an hour or so but then for a few hours the house was full to bursting.  I think everyone enjoyed themselves but you never really know whey you are buzzing around topping up drinks etc.  Have had lots of texts today saying a good time was had.  

It ended emoitionally at 3.30 this morning. My oldest friend in Aberdeen is like a brother to me, was Ed's best (probably only true) friend.  They got to know each other through me and ended up working together, his father died the week before Ed and for the first couple of weeks I thought he was going to go 'under'.  However he seemed to make a conscious decision about a year ago - "Right then, they have both gone, I 'll just get on with it" - and to a degree he has, he is the guy who has built and opened a new hotel etc.  and although I see him and his family all the time and Ed is regularly brought in to the conversation, it is always with laughter etc.

However at about 2am this morning, after his wife and everyone else had left (apart from one daughter who thought she would stay at her Aunty Judes house).  He very quietly asked "Do you still miss him Jude?" - you all know how a quesion like that, when asked by someone who cares, just finishes you off and I answered probably with too much honesty. It opened the floodgates for him and he sat for an hour, letting the tears come and the anguish out, it broke my heart but I think it was very good for him.   I sent him on his way in the early hours.

But of course (being a man) when he phoned this morning to say that as long as I had fed his daughter a decent breakfast I was allowed to send her home, it was quite obvious to me that we won't discuss this again for a while ....... and that is perfectly fine by me - I think if every year or so he can get it all out then he will manage okay. 

Did I say that I was sure I kept hearing lots of pattering footsteps in the house, but everytimes I span round I just caught the tail end of many yellow feet and wee black bodies popping into the other room!!! Napoleon, did you get in with all my other penguin friends after all!!!

Needless to say I raised a glass to you all and thanked my lucky stars for the huddle. 

Love to all - Judi xx

Evening everyone.  Lesley I was so hoping for baby news - but then again the little one will come when he/she is good and ready.  Probably snug as a bug right now and who can blame them.

Dave, I want to add my applause for you and Gayle to the others.  This is such a hard journey that we are all on but you two are picking up the pieces to 2 small kiddies each.  You are both doing brilliantly.  Although the 22nd will be emotionally tough it will also mark another point and give you a 'special place'.  I need Chris's special place and I go for a chat as often as I need.

Bren - how did you get on back at work today?  I hope it all went okay for you.

Patricia I'm glad you made the journey safely in this awful weather.  They sound like a lovely couple.  It is good to hear you are feeling a little less down.

How is your tooth Lynne?  I decided to give belly sliding to Judi's a miss - too cold for this penguin I'm afraid!

Sounds like your open house was a huge success.  If you are seeing little yellow feet it makes me wander just how much you had to drink.  I hope you are okay after your heart to heart with Ed's friend.  I am sure it will have been good for him to let all that out and I know I am always glad of a chance to talk about Chris even when it is upsetting so I hope you feel better for it, if a little exhausted, because that is usually what happens after all those tears.  You did good lasting until 3:30am with a house full.

Well I need to do a couple of things before settling down for the evening.  Take care everyone.   Hope everyone I haven't mentioned is okay this evening.  Ailsa xxx 

Hi Everyone,

Well it was back to work today for me, glad to get back to normal.Very cold and slippy here yet talking about more snow, schools should have went back tomorrow but all to be closed until further notice. I have Derek's birthday on the 18th Jan can't believe it will be his second birthday that has passed since he died, but Kim was just saying the other day you still think he is going to walk through the  door  and i also think the same. I was going to see Charlie tonight but the roads are not very good and talking about -8 tonight so may be safer at home. Hope everyone is doing ok. Ailsa my photos just came out like that i don't know where all the lines came from. Well i am away to take my knitting out speak soon. Luv and Hugs to you all  Fiona xxxxxx 

Snow, snow and yet more snow. Maybe we are tempting fate because we are penguins! Couldn't we be something that lives in warmer climes instead, lol.

I am glad school is closed today so I don't have toeven attempt to dig car out but I'm getting sick of being stuck at home. :-(

It seems snow and ice have been forecast for Manchester for the rest of the week.

Suppose I will have to entertain myself with my ironing today...yawn! Maybe a bit of knitting too.

Have a good day.... be careful to all you penguins trying to get to work in the snow!  xx Lesley

Afternoon everyone,
Just dropping by to leave you all some love and (((((((((((HUGS))))))))
Hope that your all keeping safe in this rotten weather, we have been lucky so far and have only had a couple of very light flurries again, suppose it will hit us again sometime this week.
Hope that your absess is much better now Lynne.
Love Quill xxxx

Afternoon all.  I am joining you in the snowed in team Lesley.  I think most of us must be snowed in by now.  As I left the house at 7:15 this morning it started and it hasn't stopped since.  I have had to leave my van at work and come home with Stu's girldfriend.  We couldn't go our usual way home as it is closed so it mean't that I could walk a way and get in with Suzanne.  The police had been on my site trying to control turning lorries that were struggling.  They told me the motorway was clear so we came home on the M1.  I have 2 days holiday now and then I will have to cadge a lift back to Wakefield as I have no van.  It is very pretty but I am fed up with it now.

Fiona - Derek's birthday isn't so long after Chris's which is tomorrow.  My eldest daughter's birthday is the 16th.

Nice to hear from you Quill.  Hope everyone else is okay and safe in this dreadful weather.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Well what a day , so much snow , Bren did you make it in ? Ailsa the roads have just been grid locked round here most of the day , they actually sent an ambulance to oick me up for work this morning , as they had to do for a few of us , the ones that started early got there vehicles and picked the later ones up . Most of the clinics we're cancelled as staff couldn't get in but patients still needed to go home so they double crewed us, so it meant 4 or 5 of us was taking 1 patient home so when we got stuck (and we did a few times ) there was plenty of us to push us out , i am glad the dayis over tho but i think we have got the same to come tommorow . Ailsa i'll be thinking about you tommorow and i hope you get your van back ok . My absess is a lot better , my cheek is still swollen but the pain is a lot better , thanks Quill fopr asking about it xx Hope everybody has managed ok xxxx . I'll go catch up on the posts and i'll be back xxxxx

Take care

Lynne xxxx 

Evening everyone

Ailsa will be thinking of you tomorrow, sending you lots of love and hugs xxx

Lynne glad your absess is feeling better.

Well 1st day back at work, lots of snow, finished early and school closed tomorrow. Woo hoo!!! Just don`t want it to last too long, ok for the odd day x

Well done everyone for getting through the hols with little ones and family. We ve done our loved ones proud and I am sure they were watching xxx

Bug higs xxx

Helen xxx

Hi everyone.  Hope you are all home safely especially you Lynne - driving jobs in this weather, what a nightmare.  I would really like to try to enjoy the snow tomorrow if I can as I don't have to go to work.  Stu & Suzanne fancy walking to the cemmy.  I think it is probably a couple of miles - I have never thought to check it when I drive there.  If it is a crisp day it might be fun.  I don't think Stu will take no for an answer.  It is really odd - he never even told me he was taking today off until this morning.  I think he has been struggling with his dad not being here so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by anything he does.  I have made Chris a card for tomorrow.  It is just simple - it has the words from Blueberry HIll on it.  I can still hear Chris singing that to me so it seemed appropriate.

I'm glad your absess is starting to get better Lynne.  I loved your snowy pictures on FB.  I have taken some of my Christmas decs in the snow in the garden so I will stick them on facebook next.  Enjoy your day off tomorrow Helen.  How is everyone else getting on in the snow?  Ailsa xxx

Hi All , look forward to seeing more snowy pictures Ailsa , what a lovely idea to walk to the cemmy , i couldn't get this morning , it was driving me mad but he wouldn't have wanted me to drive if i didn't have too . I didn't drive the ambulance today as we didn't do that much anyway , the men kinda took over , you know how it is lol . I wonder if Amanda will make it back ok without to many hold ups ? .. Its still snowing here grr when will it stop . Make the most of the extra day Helen xx