My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember over 16 years ago

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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

FormerMember over 16 years ago

such nice little pictures sue x x

FormerMember over 16 years ago

thanks. gives me something to do in the wee small hours!!!

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Morning all , thanks for all your messages off support last night , i realy couldn't shake the weepies off , i found my self going through photo's which probably made me worse , hopefully i've got it all out my system now and look forward to a busy weekend , i'm looking after 2 of my grandkiddies sat and my step daughter is coming , then we're going out for sun lunch before the church service , so i've got to shake myself down and get on with it , i dont want to make the others feel bad The sun was out yesterday here but its raining today , oh well not have to water my hanging baskets . Hope everyone has a better day . Ailsa i used to love my DS but haven't been on it since i lost my husband but it normally is very addictive . Speak later .

Lynne xxxxxxxxx

Bet its not raining in spain Helen xxx

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Morning, all
Couldn't sleep, so was up with the wood pigeon this morning (we don't have larks!) glorious morning here; probably all change by 8 o'clock.
Nothing much planned for today except a trip to Tesco - can hardly contain myself!
Hope you all have a good day
Sue x

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Good morning everyone, I hope you all managed to sleep at least a little x x
Lynne, I hope you have a better day. I find I get days when I just cannot stop crying but then days when things are much calmer. x x
Sue, those woodpidgeons would wake anyone. Enjoy whatever the day brings but try to a little rest along the way the way x x
Was out early this morning to take my son to work. Don't like the courtesy car because I feel as though I am sat on a bus. mm... just found out I can lower the seat. phew that is soooo much better. Feels much better now lol x x I hope mine can be sorted though. Old tin can that it is, it is MY tin can lol x x x bye for now x x x Tricia x xx

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Good morning Everyone,
Well i am all ready for work, sun is shining here just now just hope it stays.

Sue you could do my shopping at Tesco's when you go i just hate shopping for one, but have to go as fridge empty.

Kev i am looking forward to being a granny but just wish Derek could have been here too as he would have been so proud. Brad has a few weeks holidays yet, you enjoy your day doing what you want to do.

Kaz i hope you managed to sleep ok.

Lynne hope you have a nice day with your grand kid's i have that to look forward to. I have not been brave enough to look at photos yet. Hope your day is better for you.

Tricia hope your day better i am sure your car will be fine, Well i better get off to work and make some pennies to pay the bills.

Take Care
Fiona xxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Hi everyone, , yes Trisha what is i with the crying , where does it come from ? i got to work this morning and thought i would be ok today after my meltdown yesterday but as soon as someone spoke to me i started , well i managed to work on till about 12 then gave it up , i came home and did some jobs i'd wanted to do , like tidying my husbands drummer room as we c alled it , so i thought when bettern to do it when your feeling bad anyway , i couldn't feel any worse , so i really sorted things out in there , and it looks lovely now , ok maybe i've made it in to a bit of a shrine , with his caps and various funny hats along the shelves but i like it and i felt better after doing it , i then took more flowers to the grave and sat in the sun for an hour or so . Whilst i was there i decided to do a bbq tommorow for when my step daughter comes , she's over the moon she loves bbq's , so i,ve shook myself out of it now thank goodness , i'm looking forward to having the 2 little one's in the day Fiona send your 2 , they'll have fun ..
Sue get me some finger rolls from tesco please i cant get any , .
Ailsa hope you managed to get to the cemetery , i start feeling bad if i dont go at least once a day i dont know when that will drop off , hope your feeling better now .

Take care Lynne xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Evening all, hope you all feel a bit better today. The tears do come from nowhere and with no warning and the slightist little reminder or smell of something can set me off.

Hope Helen is having a nice time in Spain.

Speak to you all later.

Kev xx

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Hi everyone. Yes Lynne - I got to the cemetry. I went yesterday as well and I will go again tomorrow. I am feeling a little better each time I go. I think I was getting stressed because I had been away so hadn't been going. I am still very tired so I have promised everyone I will get off to bed very soon.

I will be up with them there wood pigeons in the morning to be at the hairdressers nice and early. I am going to a wedding reception tomorrow night so need to get started on the makeover early! Too many tears in the past few days so might have a small Bailey's and get off to bed now.

Take care everyone. Ailsa xxx

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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?