My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Well done Gayle on finding the thread. Congratulations on the good reports for your lovely boys. It is good to hear you are enjoying your new relationship. Good luck to your sister on the imminent birth of her baby.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Jackie - my sincerest condolences on your loss.  I will be thinking of you today and sending love and strengthening (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) to you

Dot xxx

Jackie, just to let you know that you are in everyone's thoughts today as you face your big hurdle.

Sending you love, hugs and strength



Sue xx

Oh Ailsa, sorry you are having a tough time at the moment.  I think there is so much going on in your life at the moment it really brings home that Chris is not there to share.  And I do not think it helps with the time of year.  I have been feeling very unsettled recently.  It is making me uneasy about the winter coming.  I never liked the winter when Martin was here, so it will be much worse now I am on my own.  I hope you are feeling a bit better today, and that dratted wave has subsided. 

I too have not posted on here for a while and think I will start to again.  It was the first place I ran to when I lost Martin and it gave me such comfort then.  And to meet up in the February with all the lovely penguins I had grown to know on here was really great.  With the winter coming I think I am gonna need Rosemary’s boat and Baileys again very soon.  So perhaps you could join me there x. (hope you enjoyed your visit to the Theatre)

Patricia, I know you are further along than me, but I am starting to believe that you never ‘get used to it’ you just learn to live with it better and lock the hurt away more.  Also, I think that as time goes by the numbness decreases and your are left with the stark fact that this is it.  This is your life from now on and it is very scary.  But come and join us in Rosemary’s boat.  I hope she doesn’t mind us using it without her permission.  Take care my friend xx.

Such wise and true words you speak Rosemary x.  And what you say about having someone there but not is so true.  I spent some time thinking I would like some male company, just to chat, I had spent so much time with female company (as you seem to when you are bereaved don’t you) that it would be good to mix with more male company.  I had coffee with a widower and we had a great chat (just a chat) and then I realised.  I did not want any male company I wanted a specific male and that would never be possible again. It is something we just have to find a way to get through me thinks. 

Oh Jackie, lots of big (((hugs)))) for you.  It is such early days, and the pain will be raw and you will be wondering how you are going to survive.  But you will hun as we all have.  As I have been told many times in the early days, take one day at a time, if you can’t do days then do hours, don’t look too far into the future and try to be as kind to yourself as you can.  Please keep reading the posts on here and if you can, then post yourself.  Go back over past posts and you will see all the emotions you are now going through and I hope it will help you see that there is a way forward.  It will not be easy, but you will get there.  We all still get our bad days, but they do get a bit easier with time.  The others have said it all in their posts and they are such wise words. I have been thinking of you today and know you would have done him proud.  Take care hun  xxxxxx

Pam

Jackie, I hope that today has not destroyed you too much. We have all, I am sure, been thinking of you and sending out love and hugs to you.  Take each day from now on a second at a time.  The days ahead will be hard, but there will always be someone here to give you support and perhaps guidance.

Pam, this new life we have all be given is indeed a strange and difficult one. You have rightly said that we just learn to live with our new situation.  I hate the fact that every day someone else joins this not so merry band.

I hope that everyone who is reading this is having a reasonable day/evening.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi everyone, (sorry I am unable to write in any other way but continuous lines since the new site).......Well you were all right, I did survive yesterday, I hope I did him proud, the tributes made to Tony made me proud, proud to be married to such a wonderful man........Today, I don't know how I feel its still early, but sleep eludes me after 4am most mornings. I really just came on here this morning to thankyou all for welcoming me and all your lovely messages of support, I will be back at a later date, when my brain is fully functional!!...That may be a long wait!!.....Thankyou again from the bottom of my heart........Love Jackie xxx

Jackie, glad it all went well yesterday.  You did him proud and sounds like he had a good send-off.

Now you have to concentrate on you.  I did find, in the early days, I had such a feeling of sadness for Martin and everything that had happened and it was not fair he was taken. This seemed to overtake anything else.  then I started to realise that he was now in a better place, free from pain and the worry of the illness.  It was time to get me through it.  I know it is hard Jackie and it will take a lot of strength, but it does get easier.  I know, as you sit there feeling as you do, you will think that it will not, I know time is not a healer but it does level things out as time goes by.  Don't know if that makes any sense to you, but hope so. 

So, just take time to grieve in your own way, let the feelings come and see them through.  We always say it is like great waves that wash over us

and you have to wait until that wave subsides.  As time goes on the waves get further apart and not so big. And crying does help.  I used to find that after I had cried myself dry it was like a great pressure had been lifted.

I do find that having the tele or radio on at night does help.  The one thing I found unbearable was the quiet, and even now there is always a tele or radio on throughout the house.  Perhaps you might find that will help you sleep a bit better.

Jackie, please keep on reading here, You will find so much comfort and help.  I always say it saved my life in the beginning when I was in that dark place. And we all still need it now when that dratted wave comes.

Take care hun, we are all there for you

Love

Pammie xx

Jackie I am really glad to read that you are happy that Tony's send off was fitting. I keep thinking about you. You need to rest now and try to sort out the simplest of things like your sleeping. It would be nice to hear how you are doing and I hope you will keep reading and posting. How is everyone else this evening? As usual, I should really be asleep but not made my way upstairs yet. I sleep wth the television on as well Pammie. Chris & I always did but it would seem unbearably quiet without the TV now. I have lots & lots of things racing about in my head now. Mostly to do with Becky's wedding. I am trying to figure out how we make this special for them. I keep imagining myself on my own on the day. How else can it be though as the only person who could possibly stand by my side is not going to be there. Looks like the wedding will be in the first week of September in a castle in Scotland near Fife. They are going to have a look this weekend before finally deciding. It is all starting to feel a bit scary without Chris. I have a tendancy to over think things. Chris balanced that nicely by being far more instinctive & spontanious. I just hope Becky can fill that gap. She is a lot like her Dad so I hope so. Right me & my penguin onesie are off to bed. Can't believe that primark did a penguin onesie specially for us - how nice of them! Take care everyone. Ailsa xxx