My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello my lovely flippered friends, sending out a big hug and drawing you all into a huddle. I wonder if part of why we find it so hard to deal with this is because we did think that "by this time" we would be coping with it all and used to being alone. Before being thrown into this situation I know I would feel sorry and sad for anyone that lost their partner but I never understood the total loss you feel, how your whole and entire world is torn apart and it actually can never be put back together again in the way it was, we all thought that a year, two years down the line people are coping and moving on with their lives, I wonder just how many thousands are out there feeling just the same as we are. Ailsa I know just what you are feeling, although for you to be losing Becky to Scotland must throw you even more, I know I am lucky that Samantha is so near to me and also close in many ways, of course you can visit often and you love to drive (your new Rav4!) but it's not the same as just down the road is it and as you say you have got used to her being back with you. I think we all know and understand that we have to let them go and they have to lead their own lives but there is also that part of us, buried and unable to be heard that says why can't they realise I can't let them go and it's all changed too much already? Please always feel able to phone me if you just want to talk, even if you can't say what is actually upsetting you at the time, sometimes just talking about nothing much lets it out when you know you will be understood (if you can understand that!) Patricia I know what you mean too about "hiding behind the curtains" I keep feeling so upside down with it all, I want someone here but I want to be alone too, I wish I had someone there in the morning when I wake up but I can't bear the thought of having someone else in my life, oooooh the darned emotional roller coaster. I shall leave you here and wish you all a good evening, hope the theatre is good Ailsa, lots of love and hugs to everyone xxxxx

Oh, Rosemary, you put it so well.I know just how you feel - sometimes I think I am losing the plot, I feel so alone but at the same time don't want anyone here. No pleasing some people!!

xx

Hi , I have just found this thread by accident. I need help, advice, most of all I need my darling husband who died just 9 days ago and who's funeral it is tomorrow. How do I survive this raw pain? I am staying by myself, my own choosing, I don't want to be with anyone, but feel so alone, I don't know if I can do this.......Jackie

Oh, Jackie, how my heart goes out to you.  I am so, so sorry that you have needed to find yourself here, and I send you my most sincere condolences.

i fully understand about feeling so alone - in fact, my previous post refers to it. even in a room full of company, the alone-ness is overwhelming, even after 2 years.

Tomorrow you have to face the hardest part of all - saying goodbye to your lovely, darling husband. I think that all of us on this thread can fully empathise - and sympathise - with you on this, as we have all been in your situation. How I wish there were a magic wand which I could wave for you but, as we know, that is not going to happen.  All I can say is this - somehow, from somewhere deep inside yourself, you will find the  strength and the courage to do this one last thing for him.I don't know to this day where that strength comes from, but it will come. Hold your head high, hold your husband in your heart, and you will do him proud.

i shall keep you in my thoughts tomorrow, and in the days to come.

Sue xx

Hi Jackie I don't often post these days but my heart went out to you. I am so very sorry for you loss. I don't think at this time anything I can say will help you feel any better other than to say you are not alone. I will think of you tommorow and please post as often as you need to. There is always someone around to help .

Love and special hugs to get you through tomorrow xxx

Teri

Hi Jackie

So sorry you have to post on here.  There are no words to take away the pain, you will get through the funeral and make your husband proud.  Just try to get through one day, one hour or even one minute at a time.  That is all you can do at this point. 

There are some wonderful supportive people on this post and we have all been where you are now.  It does get easier, not better so much but you will get through it with a little support from all of us.

Sending you huge (((((hugs))))) from Canada.

Bren

Jackie, I am so very sorry for your deep sadness and loss. It is a very difficult time for you and as has been said, you will get through it. You may not realise how you did it though. I remember my husband's funeral (how could I ever forget it). I was ultra calm and composed but have no idea just how that happened. I guess I locked myself into a strange sort of protective bubble.  The feeling of utter despair later on that evening when I was alone for a time was indescribable. I, along with the others on here will think about you tomorrow. I am known on here for my abundance of angel hugs and tonight Jackie they are all for you and your family. I hate the thought that once more we are meeting someone who is in the depths of despair due to this insidious illness. Be kind to yourself and surround yourself with the love and support of all the people on this thread.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Jackie, I am so sorry you find yourself here, but glad that you have found us when you need support. You will get through tomorrow, none of us will pretend it will be easy but you will get through. I think I found it easier than I thought, but then it was almost like I wasn't really there, just acting a part and doing what was expected, talking to everyone, hugging everyone and just keeping going. You say you are alone tonight of your own choosing and that's fine, it gives you time to grieve and allow your feelings without having to hide them from other people, do you have someone to be with you tomorrow though? Someone looking out for you, I'm sure there will be lots of people trying to do just that, but you might need a special person to be keeping an eye on you as the lovely, special person who has always been there for you is the person you are having to say goodbye to. Just by finding us here you can now be sure there is a whole posse of us surrounding you and thinking of you tomorrow and sending you love and strength to get through, after that stay with us and get to know us and we will do the same with you, keeping you safe within our group. Take care xxxxxx

Oh I think I may finally have found you all so fingers crossed this works!  The new site is very strange but sure I will get used to it.  We are doing all okay and just bobbing along as always.  My new relationship is going well and he treats me lovely.  We are even talking about introducing him to the boys so fingers crossed it works out although I am sure that will open up a whole load of new emotions.  The boys are both doing well and had glowing reports at parents night at school which was lovely.  Apart from that I am living quietly.  My sister is due her baby in 2 weeks time so we are all getting excited about the new arrival to the family. I have also gradually taken a backstep from the friends that were troubling me and that has helped a great deal recently so I know I have done the right thing.

Jacky I am so sorry for your loss and can only echo the comments of the others that you have come to the right place.  I know that even about 30 minutes before my husbands funeral I was saying I couldn't do it (especially when the hearse arrived at the house) but you will find the strength to get through it.  I don't remember much of it and during the service I counted in my head so I could just manage to get through it without thinking and without breaking down.   Sounds very silly but I couldn't listen to the service and just wanted to block everything out.  My heart goes out to you and I will be thinking of you tomorrow on this very difficult and sad day.

Well I am going to sign off and hopefully this message will post!!  I never managed to read the old posts as couldn't figure out how to go back so I hope you are all doing well and lots of love and hugs.

Gayle xxx