My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening Penguins, Hope you are all doing as well as can be expected. The nights are coming in so quick i hate the dark nights. I am just in from seeing my dad who is doing not to bad at the moment, my sister going on holiday for a fortnight next weekend so i hope he keeps ok when she is away. I am going to viist a friend tomorrow night who is having treatment for breast cancer so looking forward to seeing her but it's so hard to know what to say to her. Kim is back to school so back to looking after Charlie on a Thurs but he does make me smile as he is coming away with words now, but he just never stops he is on the go all the time. Gayle i hope you have a lovely time at Leeds festival, Darren away as well. Well i think it's bedtime for me as i am working tomorrow. Hugs to you all.Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Morning everyone.  I've been promising myself a catch up on here all week.  I hope everyone is doing okay today.  The sun is out in my part of Yorkshire.  I have the day off and I am going to take Declan to Scarborough for the day.  He has his first day at high school tomorrow.  Seems strange to start on a Friday but I suppose it is also good as he does just one day and then has 2 days to get used to things.  While we are in Scarborough we are going to go to the Sea Life Centre to see my adopted penguin.

Patricia, how are you?  It must have been a surprised for you to find your Dad had been for a drive.  I hope he has continued to improve & that you are maybe sleeping a bit better these days.

Fiona, as I was reading I realised you will also be on a day off today as you look after Charlie on Thursday.  I bet he is growing so fast now.  Lovely that he is starting to talk.  I'm glad to hear your Dad is not too bad.  With your sister away you will have a lot of extra work to do keeping an eye on him.  I hope the lady who worked with Derek & then lost her husband to cancer & also the friend with breast cancer are both doing okay.  Is Darren home now?

Dot, how is Alan's eye coming along?  I'm glad Ellie's limp has gone.  It is so much cooler now that I have had to put the heating on a couple of times.  I get up early for work and it is always dark for the first half hour now.  Some of my solar lights are still on when I get up.  Not liking it.  I can manage the temperature but the dark is isolating.  Looks like a nice day today though.

Gayle it is lovely to hear that the boys are so close when they are at school.  Brings a smile to my face.  Ridiculously I am feeling a bit anxious for Declan starting 'big' school tomorrow.  I have had 3 children do this and now I am stressing about whether my grandson will be okay.  I should learn because they are always okay and thoroughly enjoy it.  I expect him to grow up a lot in the next term.  Glad to see you had such a good time at Leeds festival - excepting the mud of course!!  I hope there is good news about your Aunt who had to go into hospital.  I'm really looking forward to our spa weekend - feels closing now it is actually September.

Rosemary how are you getting on with the new car?  Sorry you have had to go through so many sad times.  I hope you are doing okay.  I bet Sam is getting excited about her new venture.  I'm looking forward to a good giggle at the end of the month.  I suppose it is a bit too chilly for a dip in your pool now!

I've been feeling a bit up & down recently.  I get the impression people are less & less comfortable with me mentioning Chris.  If I say anything about him the conversation is usually changed very soon afterwards.  I don't know whether I can explain myself very well because I don't talk about him all the time but he naturally features in a lot of what I do still.  I am still doing things to the house and there is often a parallel that can be drawn with what Chris did to the house.  Last weekend I re-fitted my burglar alarm.  It developed a fault a couple of months before Chris died & Becky & I had to deal with it because Chris wasn't well enough.  It was hard for him to watch us doing something he could no longer do.  While I was working on the alarm I was thinking back to that time.  I would have really appreciate someone humouring me and letting me talk through it but most of my family are not able to do that now.  Seems very sad.  The good news is I fixed the alarm & I am sure Chris would be proud of that achievement.  I am getting good at this 'fixing things' mylarky.  I'm very excited right now because at the weekend the cine film from our wedding turned up.  It had been missing for around 20 years.  I have taken it to a film shop to have it put on DVD.  Can't wait for it to be done.  A few people have asked to see it when it is ready so we might have to have a bit of a popcorn & tissues evening :-) 

Well being on here isn't going to get me to Scarborough is it?  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Hi everyone,

I have been told about this forum by someone who read my post about my wonderful husband dying on August 21st.I feel very lost and sad but I have read some of the post s on this thread and thimk it will help to join you.It is reassuring to know that the feelings I have are normal.

Stanmo(Maureen)

Hi again, Maureen  i'm glad that you have read some of our posts, and decided to post on this thread. I'm sure that some of the others will be along later to welcome you.

Don't worry about what you post here; over the past couple of years , we have all raved, ranted  and exposed our innermost thoughts and concerns to one another. No-one ever judges,  we just listen, support and share experiences.

You are not alone. 

Sue xx

Hi Maureen, glad you found our little band of penguins.  But sorry for the reason you have found yourself here.  It is a great group with some wonderful people and I am sure you will feel at home pretty soon.  I stumbled on this link when I had just lost my husband Martin nearly a year ago and it was such a help in my time of need.  Never be afraid to let out your feelings or ranting on here, we will all understand as we have walked in your shoes.  Try to be as kind to yourself as you can.  Take care xxx

Pammie xx

Morning everyone.  I'm not keen on them working on this site and it not being available.  Still if they make good changes then it will be a good thing.

Hello Maureen.  I am so sorry you need to be here but you are more than welcome.  A lovely group of people post on here and I find it such a comfort to know they are here.  If you get a chance try to look back at early posts - we have every kind of emotion depending on the day.  Take care xxx

My day in Scarborough was great with Declan but the weather was so lovely that we decided to save the Sealife Centre for another day when the weather isn't so good - seemed a shame to waste the lovely sunshine.  he has done his first day at high School now and really enjoyed it.  He seems so grown up already.

I hope everyone else is okay today.  I have a day of painting planned.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Morning All and welcome to Maureen , so sorry you've had to join us but so glad you have been pointed in this direction . I wouldn't be hear (at a place i'm at) now without the help of the lovely people on here , yes you can post what you like , everyone here will understand .My iner-most thoughts have been posted on this thread and i will continue to use it . None of us seem to post as much as we did but there will always be someone around to "listen" .

I'm off work this week and its the first time i've had time off work in 26months and not had anything planned (even though the week is young yet ) .

 Just a quick update on dad for all those that have asked about him , he's doing quite well at the moment but he is still getting really clingy and we struggle with our daily visits whilst trying to hold down our jobs too . But we (sisters) will continue to do what we have to do to try and give him a reason to continue living , we all know how lonely he is without mum .

 Anyway i'm off to do some gardening now before i go and try and give bllo again .

 Hugs to you all xx

Lynne xxxx

Welcome Maureen.  You will find great support on this thread.  We all understand and 'get' it.  Sorry you have to join us.

I have been so busy over the summer, travelling to see family and home in between for only a week at most.  While I was home, I was also keeping myself busy, lunching with friends and going out.  It was a really good summer for me but now back to work last week and school starts on Tuesday.  Today is a holiday in Canada.

I actually invited a friend for dlinner on Saturday which is unusual for me as I have lost my confidence in cooking for others.  It was a really nice evening and we had a great time.  I do find that I have been so much better lately, I am getting out with friends and making a sort of life for myself.  Even being home alone is not so bad as long as I am not alone for too long, I have figured out that I need to make plans for at least one day on weekends to be with people. 

My dog walker put Max's name in to be evaluated for a social therapy dog to visit seniors in nursing homes.  He has quite a long evaluation to pass sometime in October and I need to really do some training with him first but I am excited about that.  We would only go once a week to visit seniors and I think we would both enjoy it.  So I am busy working on training him to walk nicely.  And one of my grief group leaders from last fall is running another course, she asked if I would help her with it this time.  I am not sure about that but I will go to the first one and see how it goes.   

I hope you are all having a good day today

Evening to all penguins, Welcome Maureen sorry you have found yourself on this site, but keep posting as like Lynne i couldn't have got through without the support i have found on this site and all the lovely people i have met.   I am seeing to my dad this fortnight as my sister away, it has helped having the carers coming in though and i don't need to be there to make tea and stay till he gets into bed, i am there everynight though to see he is ok. Lynne glad to here your dad doing a bit better as well also Patricia nice to here your dad managed to get out in his car. Had a good day with Charlie on Thurs but he is certainly reaching the terrible two's. Well i better get off to bed as working in the morning hope you all have a good weekend or the best you can. Hugs to all. Fiona xxxxx     

Hello,

Just feel so wretched at the momentToday,.Stan's boss brought me what was to be his retirement present had he lived and also copies of e mails he received from people who had worked with Stan.Everyone saying what a lovely man who did everything he could to help etc.I know that so why did he have to die?

Also have had the company of my cousin and her husband to watch Stan's rugby team win the Super League.Now they have gone home and I have not got my love to chat to and have a cuddle'Will it always hurt like this?I am not sure I want to go on anymore.

Maureen