My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Clare, yes I remember you. It is exhausting travelling this long lonely road. I hope that you manage to get at least a little rest.  Good luck to your son for his results tomorrow. I hope they are what he is hoping for. (((((hugs))))) to help you get through Jack's birthday.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Thanks Patricia - hugs to you too xx

Evening everyone. Just been having a bit of a catch up read. If I am honest my PC isn't working so well either Rosemary & Patricia.  I think it is getting a bit old.  I end up looking on the net from my ipad now but I can't post on here from that.  Don't know whether these new updates they doing will fix that.

Gayle thank you for the advice to use a big garage when I go for a car.  I have been looking at rav4s.  Like Rosemary I want something for the bad weather.  I am not a bad snow driver but I tend to lie awake the night before snow is due worrying about whether I will be able to get off the estate where I live because there is a hill.  I will make sure I go to a big garage.  Ewan & Jamie both looked great in their school uniforms - both of them are growing so fast!

Rosemary how are you?  I hope you are still managing to get on here.  Why are your fingers stiff?  You need to take care of yourself, you have had a very difficult time recently being there for everyone.  I hope you can put some of the thougths out of your head and get some better sleep very soon.  Good luck with the car.  How is Kofi?  Sorry you have been feeling flat.  I have been very low this past week or 10 days.  It is really odd but I can't drop the tought that if I could have Chris back for a little while I might get it right this time and he would get better.  It is a very distressing thought and completely pointless so I am trying hard to shake it off.  I too have been asked about going on holiday.  I can't do it on my own!  Stu & Suzanne have mentioned me going on holiday with them next year so maybe that will be how I get abroad again.  If they don't go I am definately going to go away somewhere in the UK next year.  I think I could do the UK on my own.  I like driving so I am sure I would be okay.

Patricia my Dad is doing really well thank you.  He is being very careful to stick to the rules.  He has been allowed to drive again since Monday.  It means I don't have to take Mum shopping this week.  They will go themselves and just use more bags so Dad doesn't have to lift heavy bags.  How is your Dad doing?

Evening Dot, evening Helen.  Hope you are both okay.  Helen I am sure you will have a lovely time in Barcelona with G - enjoy.  Sounds like Nat did well in her A levels.  My niece has done well as well and secured her place at her chosen university.

Clare I do remember you.  I hope you have been okay today for Jack's birthday.  I understand the feeling of running out of energy.  I keep myself incredibly busy so that I can avoid the obvious.  Every once in a while it catches up on me though.  Sending you lots of hugs.

I have a couple of days off this week to look after Declan for Becky.  Makes for a nice long weekend.  It's tempting to stay up too late when I have some days off.  I am really looking forward to Birmingham, can't come soon enough.  Hope everyone is okay tonight.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Clare, I hope you managed to get through Jack's birthday. I expect it was difficult for you.

Ailsa, I am so pleased to see that your dad is improving and taking notice of what he has been told. Always a worry isn't it when they just want to do their own thing.

My own dad is slowly improving although he remains very frail. He decided to take himself out for a drive yesterday. I was amazed when he told me. He went tot he bank and then to asda and for petrol. He said he was shocked at how shaky he felt. Well duh............ I pointed out that it was not surprising as he had not been out of the house for weeks. I am absolutely delighted that he did it though.

Fiona and Lynne, how are your dads going on? I hope they are feeling fairly well at the moment.

Dot, I hope you and Alan are managing to enjoy any good weather we get.

Love and angel hugs to everyone who posts here x x x Patricia x x x

Good evening to all you lovely penguins hope you are all doing the best you can. Sorry i have not posted for awhile i just don't know where the time has gone.  My dad seems to need more and more done for him  so spending a lot of time with him just now. He is doing not bad again and has taken to the carers well, but still can't get about due to his breathing. I also have been spending some evenings with a woman that Derek worked with who has just lost her partner of 27 yrs to cancer he only had nine weeks from being diagnosed to losing his life. We have been out a walk tonight. There is so many people  losing there lifes in this area to  cancer a young woman 45 yrs and a man 58 yrs last week. I am also visiting a friend who is going through treatment for breast cancer. I am back to looking after Charlie on Thursday as Kim back to school, so that will keep me busy he has gave me a reason to smile again. Sending hugs to everyone it's bedtime for me although will proably still be tossing and turning at one in the morning. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx   

Lovely to see you here again Fiona, and good that your dad has accepted the carers although it is still a lot of hard work and worry for you - sending you a big English hug xxxx  Glad your dad is doing well Ailsa, it must be a big relief that he and your mum are a little more independent again even though it will remain a worry and a on your mind all the time it's good that they still have independence and the chance to get the bungalow sorted etc.  Sorry, I've just read through but can't remember what I wanted to write - a quick hi to Claire and hugs all round for everyone.

Yesterday I was at the 6th funeral I've had to go to in 2 1/2 years so I think that is quite enough for the time being - only one of those wasn't to cancer either, it does seem to be a sign of our times how much it is affecting so many people, old and young alike.  Samantha came with me, bless her and it all went well and wasn't too upsetting but I found the evening very difficult when the aloneness closes in and all the sad feelings and memories surface - still today is another day and just got to get on with it.

Lots of love to you all (Dot hope Alan and Ellie are still doing well xxx) hugs and huddles xxxxxxx

Alan's eye is healing up now and doesn't look such a mess - but will still take a bit of time to be completely clear.  Ellie-dog has stopped limping  - and is back to bouncing around....11+ years going on 11 months I think!!!!!

Rosemary - I just wanted to send you a special (((hug))) to comfort you........... Time to light the fire on your ledge and break out the Bailey's???  We could all do with a huddle......Evenings are drawing in and getting cooler too (did we have any warm nights??) so the huddle's the thing to warm body and spirit!!!!!

Love and ((((hugs)))) to everyone

Dot xxxx

Hi Claire I remember you.  I think you were going through the same as me at the same time.  I know what you mean about the tiredness sometimes everything is exhausting both mentally and physically.  I am still trying to come to terms with this situation.  Sometimes are better than others.  Did you keep the convertible?  Take care and I hope the exam results are good.

Theresa xx

Dot, so pleased to hear that Alan and Ellie-dog are improving.  It must be such a worry to you  trying to keep them both well and out of mischief. (((((hugs))))))

Rosemary, how sad for you having so many sad events to attend. I hope this is the last one for a very, very long time. (((((hugs)))))

Fiona, sorry to hear your friend has had to joing this terrible club.  So much sadness in this world. I hope that looking after Charlie makes you happy though as I am sure it does (((((hugs))))))

I hope that everyone who posts here has the best day they can.

Love and angel hugs   x x x Patricia x x x

Hello lovely penguins,

Rosemary so sorry you had yet another funeral.  I hope you are looking after yourself and that Kofi is doing okay after his little op.  Fiona, glad to hear your dad is reasonably okay just now and hope long may it continue.  It is such a worry when people are ill around us.  My aunt has just been taken into hospital so fingers crossed she will be home soon.  She had bowel cancer a few years ago and whilst she beat it then she has been plagued with ill health since.  Dot, glad to hear Ellie dog and Alan are both on the mend. 

Ewan is absolutely loving school.  He thinks he is such a big boy now and Jamie is loving having him at school.  I think they are inseperable at their breaks which is great as I like knowing that they are so close to each other.  You are right though Patricia, it feels like no time since Jamie started school.  Where do the years go?  Jamie had a great 7th birthday too and it was the first birthday since W died where I didn't have any tears and actually enjoyed his day.  So I suppose thats progress.   I am going to Leeds festival tomorrow and so excited.  I've been seeing someone for a few weeks and it is going very well (if not a little fast lol) and he is coming with me.  He offered when my friend pulled out but I wasn't sure but we talked about it at the weekend and he persuaded me it would be fun.  I am looking forward to it as its my favourite band I am going to see and he is really good company so fingers crossed its a good weekend although I am a bit nervous.  Right I better get on as I have a ton of stuff to do because I will be away for a couple of days.  Take care penguins and have a good weekend.

Gayle xxx