My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening everyone.  I should really be going to bed as I am driving to Liverpool tomorrow for lunch with Helen & some other people I haven't met before.  They all sound lovely & they have all done that walk in our shoes so I think it will be a nice afternoon and worth the drive.  I can't stay over because I have Declan for the weekend while Becky visits Hamish.  Declan's Dad let her down at the last minute and she was going to have to cancel her trip but I've taken him and my youngest daughter is going to keep him busy tomorrow while I go to Liverpool.  I am really quite excited about meeting everyone.

Bren it sounds like you have kept yourself very busy through the summer.  I hope you have had lots of good fun with your friends & family.  I too have lots more good days and manage the bad days far better.  I have been quite withdrawn recently though.  I find the majority of my old friends don't really understand what it is like in my world & that makes me a bit sad but I am getting used to my life and I have a couple of good friends who include me in activities so that's good.  Not quite sure what Chris would make of the way some people have been though.  Good like with getting Max on the social therapy programme.  How lovely that would be if he could help some senior people.  If you decide to go ahead & help with the therapy group you will know just how far you have come Bren.  One step at a time but give it a go - good luck with it.

Lynne I hope you had a good week off work in the end.  I know you were able to give blood this time so well done.  I can't give blood again before about November because I had the tattoo done at the end of June but I will be straight back along as soon as I am allowed.  I am glad your Dad is doing okay.  Same to you as well Fiona - glad your Dad is doing okay.  Hope it hasn't been too exhausting taking care of him without your sister around.  I bet little Charlie is a handful now - but lovely with it.

Well I should get some sleep ready for tomorrow.  I hope you are doing okay Maureen.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Maureen just saw your post as mine went on.  This is a very hard time for you.  All these lovely things and your lovely man not here to share them with.  It may not seem like it could ever be but there will come a time when it won't hurt quite as much as it is doing right now.  Unfortunately there is no way to hurry the process along but believe me it will come.  I am so sorry you are feeling so wretched now your visitors have gone.  Six months after Chris died I was invited in to his work so they could make a presentation to me.  Since then there has been a plaque in their reception area dedicated to Chris & his love of his job.  That was such a hard day because Chris would have loved it and I didn't have him to share it with but I am here nearly 2 years later to tell the tale.  I was talking about the plaque at the weekend with one of his old colleagues and it doesn't hurt quite so much now - I am just really, really proud.  Take care.  Don't expect too much just yet & post if you need someone to share with.  Ailsa xxx

Morning all

A special 'Hello' to Maureen.......welcome to this group ((hug)) xx  It is very early days for you so please don't pressure yourself in to trying to continue as before....There are too many stumbling blocks so take little steps and if you find to easier to cope for an hour at a time then so be it.  I haven't reached widowhood yet (my hubby has Myeloma) - but I lost my Dad 9 months ago to bowel cancer and find it hard to keep going some days - I pick up the phone to tell him of the daft things that I've done and then it hits me again that he's not there........

Oops - I've now forgotten what else I was going to say!!  So I'll just send everyone love and lots of comforting (((((hugs))))))

Dot xxxx

Just dropping by to say hi to friends old and new. Things have been quite hectic for me thisd past few weeks, transporting people to and from hospital and doctor's appointments. The last one being my dad to the chest clinic. That was a harrowing visit as the last time I went there was when Ray was confirmed as having his cancer. I struggled to keep myself stable and not cry because I was afraid of upsetting dad. These firsts keep cropping up don't they? grrr.......

Oh well, enough of my moans. I hope everyone is coping fairly well and that you all have a reasonable week.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

BIG HUGS for you patricia xxxxxx

HELLO MAUREEN

YOU MAY HAVE READ MY POSTS ON OTHER THREADS ETC. BELIEVE ME I KNOW HOW YOU ARE FEELING.

I ONLY JUST READ YOUR POST AS I HAVE BEEN WITH MY FAMILLY TO WALES FOR THE WEEK END. IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY, THE FIRST ONE WITHOUT MY BELOVED HUSBAND, WHO DIED 12 WEEKS AGO. IT WAS A FAMILY TREAT AND WE ALL MISSED TED SO MUCH BUT TRIED TO ENJOY THE TIME ALL TOGETHER. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT WHEN EVERYONE HAS GONE YOU JUST WANT SOMEONE TO TALK OVER THE LITTLE THINGS THAT HAVE GONE ON. ITS SO VERY LONELY. LIKE YOU WE WERE MARRIED A LONG TIME, 37 YEARS FOR US. EXPECTING OUR FIRST GRANDCHILD EARLY NOV.

FOR ME ITS BEEN A NIGHTMARE AS MY MUM FELL THE DAY AFTER HUBBYS FUNERAL AND HAS GONE RAPIDLY DOWN HILL SINCE, WITH DEMENTIA , INCONTINENCE AND PAIN EVERYWHER. SHE IS DUE TO SEE MEMORY CLINIC DOCTOR A WEEK ON WED BUT NOT AT ALL HAPPY ABOUT GOING. THIS HAS BEEN COMING ON FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS AND I USED TO TALK TO TED ABOUT IT AND HE WOULD REASSURE ME ALL WOULD BE OK BUT LIKE YOU SAY ITS HARD WITH NO ONE TO CHAT TO.

AFTER TED DIED HIS WORK COLLEAUGES HAD COLLECTIONS FOR HIS CHARITY BUT I COULDNT FACE THEM, IT SOUNDS SO SELFISH NOW BUT I JUST WASNT UP TO IT AT ALL. WE MUST ALL GO THROUGH IT BUT IT IS SO VERY HARD ISNT IT.

I AM GOING TO SEE OPTICIAN TOMORROW AS SUSPECTED GLAUCOMA FOR ME, B......DY HELL. THEN MY GP ON THURSDAY AS GOT A BAD SHOULDER AND ARM. I THINK I WAS NEGLECTING MY AILMENTS FOR YEARS WHILST LOOKING AFTER TED AND NOW EVERYTHING IS CATCHING UP!

SO MAUREEN HOPE YOU CAN TURN A CORNER SOON, ALTHOUGH LIKE ME ITS EARLY DAYS FOR US.

LOVE JMD XXX

Hi Maureen and JMD

Welcome to the thread and like others have said I hope you get the comfort and support on this site we ve all had and appreciated over the last couple of years. We ve cried and laughed together, shared our ups and downs and dragged each other along this cruel and hard journey.

You probably cant imagine at this early time but it does get easier with time and help from lovely friends who understand. I have met lots of these lovely ladies and have made some fab new friends, so out of something so terrible some good has been found.

Patricia big hugs, it must have been tough going back to same hospital xx

As always I m keeping busy, had a lovely few days in Spain with G. Preparing now for Liam going off to uni a week on Saturday. Not sure how I m going to feel after that. Booked a hotel for the Saturday night near Newcastle then drop him off at his room on the Sunday. He is so excited and Paul would have been so proud as I am xx

Big hugs everyone.....just keep swimming!!!!!

Helen xxxxx

Wow Helen, where has trhe time gone? doesn't seem that long since he was starting his A levels. Take your tissues with you. When I dropped my daughter off at her lodgings, I cried all the way home. Anyway, good luck to him and I hoppe he enjoys his course. x x x

Have a good evening everyone x x

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi everyone and Maureen

My beloved husband died on 5th July this year 6 days before our son's 10th birthday.  So I've already had to do a 'first' birthday without him, a 'first' holiday without him and a 'first' wedding anniversary without him.  We also have a daughter who is 8 and a half.  

I'm finding it more difficult as time goes on and after my first 6 weeks of seemingly being able to cope, feeling I'm coping less and less.  Not sleeping much and worrying so much about our beautiful children.  

As other people have said on here, if anybody tells me again, 'that time will heal' especially if they've not suffered, I'll scream! Ultimately, I know it will, but until you've experienced a similar loss, please don't generalise and pretend you know how I feel!

Rant over!  Appreciate any support, especially with helping children deal with the loss of their Dad.

Lu

Hello Lu, so sorry to see you find yourself in this unwanted situation. Even people who are in this situation cannot truly know how you feel because they are not in your head. They  can however empathise with a little more understanding than those who have not experience it. As for helping with the children, I have no experience on that score as my family was already grown. I have however suggested to others in the past that perhaps they get the children to express themselves in stories or pictures and, if willing, to discuss it with you.  It works for some but not for others. Good luck.

I once had this terrible pain described to me as a very raw wound which does over time start to heal over but which also reopens at the most unexpected times. This happens  to me quite regularly, a bit like a tidal wave washing over me but I promise you it does subside eventually. You are in the very early stages and so will be in the full throes of grief. The best person to talk to on here is Gail, as she has young children and may be able to guide you in some way.  I personally cannot imagine having to deal with the grief of a child as well as my own. My heart truly goes out to you. Don't forget to care for yourself too though.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x