My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

happy birthday Helenxx

 

 

 

It would appear to be Helen's birthday. Happy Birthday Helen. I hope you have a really good one.

Becky, this has been a difficult weekend for you I wish I could have wrapped you in a coccoon to protect you from all the heartache but of course we all know that is impossible. (((((hugs))))). There is nothing wrong with 'hiding' and watching DVD's. The problem arises when that becomes the 'norm'. I hid myself away in my living room in the first few months with the curtains closed and the computer on my lap. My world was 'cyber world'. I spent the majority of my time seeking solace from anyone who would listen and respond. In fact had it not been for this I feel I would have fallen into the deepenst of 'black holes' never to be seen again.  It is ok to hide away for a while to let yourself heal in some way but you knlow as well as I do, that eventually we have to come back to reality even though it hurts like crazy. As for being 'strong', it is a fact that I am pretty good at putting on a 'front' especially where work is concerned. I get my uniform on and yes I 'hide' behind it. Last night a very perceptive lady asked me outright how long it was since my husband died. I was dumbfounded but realised that in the course of conversation she had surmised that from what I had said. she proceeded to tell me how much she admired me for what I had gone through. ME.... I went through nothing. Ray was the one who 'went through it'. gee I seem to have gone off the plot a little. Sorry. Anyway Becky Take care hun. Be kind to yourself and try to keep your head above water. (I am being mummy now lol).

Judi, Amanda, Helen, everyone who has posted it is lovely to see you again and I hope you are all managing a somewhat better life than you were att he start of this terribly sad and rollercoaster journey.

Dot, I am not sure that my words are wise, but they are straight from the heart so that must count for something I suppose. I have left you some 'stabilisers' in the corner to attach to yourself to stop you falling over when you wobble. lol. I hope you and Alan are ok.

Sheena, Linda and any other new penguins I have missed, I am sending out the 'sparkly rope' provided by Rosemary to rescue those who are floundering in the water.  Grab it and climb into the penguin huddle where will hold you safe until you feel a little more able to face the world.

As for me, I have developed an alergic reaction to something (no idea what) so I now have urticaria all over my legs, abdomen and buttocks. Not a happy bunny coz it has kept me awake and I have to work again tonight. Oooooh maybe it is work I am allergic to. Wow! wouldn't that b e something? lol. I seem to be just one medical problem after another just lately. My age? Stress? or just coincidence? Answers on a needle tip please.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

p.s. sorry for the long, rambling post.

Hi everyone.  I hope you are all doing okay at the very least.  It has been a long week for me.  I am giving my youngest daughter a lift to and from work because she has found herself working somewhere that would require 2 buses there and 2 buses back.  She was made redundant suddenly when the people she worked for went into liquidation and took the first job she could after that.  The pay is shocking - below minimum, but that is another story - and I felt I should help all I could.  The problem is it is adding 2 hours onto my day so I am getting a bit tired now.  She has some time off from Tuesday though so that may give me a break and a chance to catch up.  I recognised the signs of anxiety attacks in myself 2 weeks ago & then my son inadvertantly caused me some heartache as well.  Not the best of weeks but the anxiety seems to be more under control and my son is sorting himself out.  I will be okay after a relaxing weekend I'm sure and we all know that far worse things happen - just miss Chris even more when things are upside down.

Linda I hope you are managing to plough your way through a little of the mountain of paperwork that you face.  Kate sounds lovely and so brave.  There does unfortunately seem to be a pattern of up times and down times but the up times slowly become more frequent so take care of yourselves.

Becky I think I know what you mean about feeling like a teenager again when you stay at your parents.  It can happen to me with my parents and I am a whole lot older than you.  I am sorry it happens but I don't know what to suggest.  I know you are very busy at work but make sure you look after yourself - I hope the virusy thing hasn't amounted to too much.

Patricia how are you now?  Maybe if you are alergic to your work you can get to stay home for a bit - worth a try!  How s your Dad?  I really hope the doctors can do something to help him.

Gayle you sound happier for having cancelled the orignal holiday which will be a great sign for the new holiday being a lot of fun.

It has been lovely to hear from some of the other penguins as well.  Fiona & Lynne I hope both your Dad's are doing okay.

I have no particular plans this weekend as I have a couple of busy ones coming up but Stu's girlfriend is coming round to see me tonight and think all 3 are coming tomorrow - maybe order out and play on the wii.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Ailsa, please take care of yourself too. Why is it that we feel we have to help out our kids even though they are grown ups? Someone once told me that you never stop worrying about your kids and that is sooooo true. i hope things improve for your family very soon. Have a lovely weekend if you can.

Well that allergic reaction to something (still no idea what) disappeared just as mysteriously as it appeared. Oh well, guess I'll have to keep going to work as that is obviously NOT the problem lol.

I hope everyone is managing to get through their days with as little trauma as possible.

Have the best weekend you can dear penguins.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x xx

Hello to everyone, i will become familiar with all your names but seem to have lost my brain at the moment.

Well after having a nice morning with a friend, i spent the afternoon and evening howling, i have finally got a grip. A large factor behind all that is that the car goes back tomorrow, i never cried so much about a car. Its just not practical to keep though.

We are also facing a lot of first - DIY - why does puting a blind back up seem so difficult??  Kate had her first night away at a sleepover, she really enjoyed that and  our first invitation without Bob, all new hurdles to overcome. Somehow you seem to gain the strength to deal with things, I guess its just for me, keeping to,  one day at a time.

And our little car going tomorrow...... no one can take the memories away ....

Linda x x

Hi Linda,

Indeed; absolutely right, no one can take our memories away....not even cancer can take that from us.

Take Care Linda

Love Kay

Hi, Linda

i understand the 'car' situation totally. I recently changed our mondeo - it was Alan's pride and joy, he bought it when he retired (9 months before becoming ill) with his redundancy money - first ever brand new car, but he hardly got to drive it. It was in fact a dream to drive, very reliable and extremely comfaortable. However, it was also very expensive to run, and the petrol costs were ridiculous, so i made the decision to exchange it for a fiesta.

It's not the car per se, it's the memories, the hopes ( we were going to tour scotland), and everything else related to it. On a practical level, I know it was the right thing to do, and now love my little fiesta - it's  a flourescent grren colour, which also enables me to find it in a car park. Provided, that is, that i am in the correct car park - it has been known......!!  i haven't regretted the move, but it was hard handing over his keys to the garage and turning my back on it for the last time.

Baby steps are the order of the day - sometimes they go backwards but slowly, slowly they will propel you forward whilst never, ever forgetting the love of your life - after all, a baby likes to hang to something when they are learning to walk.

take care

love to you all

Sue xx

Hi, me again.

As far as the blind is concerned, now is the time to call on one of the people who have said 'If there is anything i can do.....'. Well yes, actiually there is!!!

In my experience, friends have felt 'useless' (their words, not mine), and have been only too glad to come round and help out.  just don't let our Lynne  (scared lady) anywhere near it - she is lethal with a drill!!!!!!   xx

Hi Just dropping by to offer love and hugs to all those that are in need of them (((hugs)))) .

 Ha Ha thanks Sue , i havn't had any little mishaps since lunch time today (leaving a ring on on the cooker and then leaving oven gloves on them ) no damage done lol (well only the oven gloves ) .

Take care my lovely penguin friends

Lynne xxx

xxxx

Hi Everyone, Its hard making the adjustments isn't it, but like you all I keep telling myself it has to be done. I had to sell our caravan it really broke my heart but there was no way i was going to tow it and go away on my own. Still have to change the 4x4 for something smaller but can't make up my mind what car to have. It also takes time to learn all the jobs that were done for you, I am ok with gardening painting etc, but anything technical I am hopeless! I did ask for help from a friend who said anything technical just shout he was happy to help! Take care Jackie xx