My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

my daughter has her 30 in January and her dad apologised to her for not being here for it. So that will be hard
Our eldest gets married in March so that wil be hard too as will be just over a year since his dad passed.
love Tricia x x

Hello everyone and to our new posters - I hope we can support each other.

That was a lovely photo of your family Ailsa, my eldest isn't really into outdoors either and my youngest is the opposite and just wants to play football all day. Jamie is getting a DS for his 5th birthday on the 19th but I will really have to limit it as he currently plays with my ipod and would sit with it all day if he could.

I know what everyone means about "firsts". I have Jamie's first day of school and birthday both on the 19th August and I am really dreading it but my mum and sister will come with me. It will also be the first day I have seen a lot of the school people because the schools broke up a week after Wully died. So it will be that look from everyone I meet (I am sure you know the one I mean). Then in September it is my birthday so I have taken the day off work as I know they would make a fuss and I think I would rather just ignore it. Then we all have Christmas which will be awful for all of us. I am hoping I have moved house by then and it might be slightly easier as it is new surroundings if you know what I mean. One thing someone said to me which made sense was when I was jokingly moaning about Wully dying on Fathers Day and he did it so we couldn't forget. But my Aunt then reminded me that at least I will have two difficult days combined into one instead of having to face them seperately which I hadn't thought of but I suppose is true.

Tricia your daughters wedding will be hard - weddings make me cry at the best of times! But you will find the strength. I keep reminding myself that if I can nurse my husband, hold my husband and watch him die then go to his funeral then I can do anything. Well thats what I am saying at the moment lol!!! Big brave me tonight!

Had a bad afternoon though as I fell asleep (staying up till 3 every morning catches up with you) and I was dreaming and was crying in my dream and it woke me up and then of course I was crying when I was awake. It was horrible.

Lynne - I have a 4yr old and 3yr old I can send you as lodgers????

Take care everyone.

Gayle x

Night everyone. I have been reading the latest posts but I am too tired after all the driving to make any sense of a response. Sure I will be less tired tomorrow. Take care and sleep well. Ailsa xx

Gayle it must be so hard for you with two young children to cope with all of this. I really feel for you (((((((hugs))))))) for you all x x x It is easy to be brave on here and lovely if we can try. Just a little harder to put into practice eh??
I am here mostly on my own as my eldest son lives across the other side of the country. (he is the one getting married). My daughter is away and my youngest son spends most of his time either in his room at at his girlfriend's home. I expect nothing else because he should be making his own life and not worrying about me. My family are 32, 29 and 26. They are very supportive but I hate them to see me crying. They have their own grief to deal with.
Sleep as well as you can everyone. x x x love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Morning all sorry i missed you all last night , i was at my daughters for tea and didn't get home till late , i darn't put the pc on i would never have got to bed , i'll catch up with you all later , i love this thread and i'm glad that we have newbies aswell , or am still a newbie , too much thinking !!! Gayle send the little one's there the same as age as 2 of my grand kiddies , i'd never get bored would i ?? Speak later everybody . Have a good day xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone,

Lynne - they will be on the first bus!!! They are driving me mad. I think they are missing the routine of school and playgroup. Never mind we only have next week left before the schools start here and we go to France on Thursday so it should pass quickly. We are also going to caravan tomorrow for a couple of nights so the fresh air will do us the world of good.

Patricia - Thank you for your kind words. I know what you mean about not wanting to be a burden but I am sure your children will want to take care of you. In some ways I am "lucky" that my children are young as I don't have to deal with their grief. I hate to think how they would have been if they had been teenagers. I hate the fact that they will only know their Daddy through me as he adored them but I think in the long run it will hopefully cause them less hurt. My youngest keeps forgetting and had his face painted last week at nursery and wanted to go to the hospice to show my husband. But then later on he said to me that his Daddy lives in the air now so he remembers at times. My husband died on Fathers Day and the boys had picked a really tacky photoframe in ASDA for him with Superdaddy on it. I had then put a nice pic of the three of them in it. It took me ages to unwrap it as he never got a chance to open it so it lay in a bag for weeks. However I did a couple of weeks ago and my eldest now has it in his room. The youngest has also asked for one for his room so I will look out a nice picture of him with his daddy and do that. I need to keep reminding them as I don't want them to forget.

Hope everyone has a nice day today. I have loads of washing and ironing to do!

Gayle x

Hello everyone. It has been a lovely day here - pity I had to go back to work.
I'll be thinking about you on the 19th August Gayle - it will be trying having Jamie's birthday and his first day at school without Wully but it is good that you have family to help. It will be a bit like going back to work having to face everyone again after the holidays. Each day will get easier after the first one though. You are so right when you say we will be stronger for what we have all been through. We need to remind ourselves of that to help us stay strong when we have hard times. I hope you have recovered from yesterday's bad afternoon and managed to do your washing and ironing.
Patricia, like you I am mostly home on my own. My children are 29, 26 & 21 so similar ages to yours. My eldest lives 200 miles away with my grandson. My son lives very nearby with his girlfriend - they have a house in the same village. I see them several times a week. My youngest daughter lives about 5 miles away and I usually see her once a week but because i have been away recently I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks and I am missing her. I try not to cry in front of them but on the plus side it is good to be able to talk to them about their Dad and how we all feel.
Hi Lynne - are you at work today? I don't think you are a newbie anymore!!!
I don't know why but I am absolutely shattered today and have really struggled with my first day back at work after my holiday. It is a good thing I only work till lunchtime on Fridays. I need to do some early nights I think.
Have a lovely evening everyone. Ailsa xx

Hello everyone , Thanks for that Ailsa , yes i was at work today but i had a major melt down , i couldn't stop crying , dont know where it came from , but wouldn't stop, in the end someone took me back to base and i drove straight to the church yard and spent about an hour and half just talking crying , wailing , and longing for my husbands hug .I thought i was doing well , but now i feel so down , hopefully this will pass as quickly as it came on . I'M planning on going to work in the morning and hope i have a better day . Hope everybody better than me today ..

Lynne xxxxxxxxxxx

Hello everyone, sorry about yesterday had a lot to say and then lost the connection and I can't remember what I was gonna say now!!!!

Brad can't ride a bike and is completely lost if he hasn't got his DS. He doesn't stop talking and is driving my dad up the wall, still only one day left :-( but then he is going to Di's sisters for a week :-).

Sorry about how some of us are feeling. This site has been really great for me and I'm not sure where I would be if it wasn't for the support I've got. Hope you feel better soon.

Kev xx