My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi,

Jude it is lovely to hear your news. So lad Kat is on the mend. Such a relief. Conmgratulations on your new and elevated position. No power dfressing needed. Just be ypourself and they'll love you x x x

Dot, I hope that Alan enjoys the 'drop in' sessions at the hospice. Most people I have spoken to think they are beneficial. Sorry he is having so much trouble contolling his pain though. Perhaps someone at the hospice will be able to help him with that.

Fiona, so sorry to hear that your dad is needing so much help. That must be very difficult for him and of course you as his family.  Aso, I hope you and Kim have a lovely trip to New York. Lots to see and do there.

Janet and other newbies, sorry you find yourselves here but a warm welcome to you all.

Pammie, I am glad that you are starting to have some more positive thoughts. It is not easy as I know only too well.  Just take things slowly. (Not that you have any choice).

I hope all of you are having a reasonable weekend although in view of the date tomorrow, I am sure that it is very difficult for most.

I have been experiencing a very emotional time and still am. It is hard to explain so I won't burden you with it. Suffice it to say that someone at work (whom I don't even know) managed to upset me to the point where I cried for two days. I hate that someone has the power to do that to me. Maybe it is just that I am emotionally labile at the minute and cannot keep myself in check. Or maybe I am just too sensitive to what people say. I don't know but I really do not like it. Especially when I start avoiding others to save my own embarrassment.  On a more positive note, I visited with my son and daughter in law yesterday and had lots of cuddles with the baby. It is still heartbreaking going there without Ray and sometimes it seems that the baby is looking at someone and I wonder is it him (I know I sound like some mad person).  The Japanese grandparents are over at the moment and I caught grandad stroking her head and looking at her as if he would never see her again. (I hope that is not the case).

In 16 days it will be the 2nd anniversary.  My daughter is upset because she will be away on that date. My youngest son will be tied up looking after his invalid partner and my eldest son will be at a conference in London. They do not need to be with me as they can remember the day in their own way. I shall go up to the 'special' place and lay flowers and if the weather permits I shall sit a while and just think about him. (sounds like I never think about him any other time). As I write this, I see his face looking at me from the photo frame and so desperately want him here at my side but that can never happen so I will have to be content with what I do have.

Well now that I have offloaded on you and brought myself to tears, I shall end this post.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Oh Patricia - I do not know what it is like to be in your position but I can feel your sadness from here............I feel sure that the place for you is right in the middle of the huddle for the next couple of weeks......we'll share the spot shall we??  I still feel in need of some care and attention - specially after this morning's tears!!  You deserve to be looked after for a while - you're always looking out for the rest of us - so let's do a little role reversal........Besides it's warmer in the middle than anywhere else just now.  Snow is forecast again for some areas this week.  Hope our wee Scots lassies keep wrapped up warm..........

Would you like a drop of Bailey's - to keep out the cold.....

Love and extra comforting ((((hugs)))) for you

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello everyone,

Wow just popped on for a quick read and you have all been busy!!  Welcome Janet, as the others have said and hopefully you will find comfort and understanding on here as we all  have.  I am at 19 months now but still need this thread as much as I ever did.  Still on a rollercoaster journey with wondering what is the point of it all.  Hopefully be able to figure that out one day!  Thanks for the comment on the laser eye surgery.  Good to hear of someone else having it done.  My eyes are settling well now and not quite as weird.  I still feel I need a "break" from having good eyes for a couple of hours (hard to explain) but I think I am slowly getting used to it.  The vision is amazing though now and yes, so much less hassle without glasses and lenses.  I'm not sure Rosemary if Sam would be able to but definitely worth looking into - I would highly recommend it and it isn't sore at all and the procedure takes minutes to do.  A little uncomfortable afterwards but that is just sensitivity to light.  Pretty amazing really what they can do.  Auntie Judes, so glad you are happy and I am very proud of you and your fancy new job!  Miss your posts like mad though as you are always so inspiring and just always know the right words to say at the right time.  I still think you would make an amazing councellor :).  Thank you Rosemary for looking out toys for the boys, they will be over the moon and I will look into the spa thingy for Birmingham.  I just picked that area as it is central for most but will see if we can go a little further south.  Only problem is the journey for us northerners but I will work something out as would love to see you again.  Patricia, I too can feel your sadness in your posts and hope you are looking after yourself.  Big huge hugs from me xxxx  Dot, I am glad Alan is looking at the hospice.  The hospice was our lifeline when Wully was ill and the only place I could turn to as everyone else had more or less abandoned us.  Wully was very against it at first but I think it is just the thought of the "hospice" and it must be very scary for someone in that position.  Like Wully always said to me we cannot possible understand what they are going through although I always then put it back to him that he didn't understand what me and the boys were going through either.  Big hugs as it is not an easy time for you either.  Ailsa, the grave is looking lovely and I hope you are okay now xxx  Pam, I know exactly what you are saying.  I have been let down a few times by family members over the past 18 months and it really hit me hard.  The last time was at Christmas and it knocked me for six because now I have the realisation that I am on my own.  It is only me to look after me and the boys and it took me a while to face that without tears.  Still hard but I have no other choice.  I was always used to having Wully there beside me facing the world and now have to do it on my own.  Not nice.  Big hugs to you too xxx  Fiona, you must be excited about New York and Charlie sounds amazing.  My two are great and yes off school until Wednesday but they are going to an after school club in the community centre which they love.

I've had a very busy weekend but good one (I think lol!).  I was out on Friday night with the girls and my old friend that I met up with a couple of weeks ago with his friends and we have decided to give it a go together and now I am terrified.  Sorry but I know you wise old birds will have the right words for me.  We dated when I was 18 and I split up with him as he was too nice (mad I know).  But I always cared for him a great deal.  Anyway, he hasn't changed at all.  He is possibly one of the nicest, kindest people you would ever meet.  He would treat me like a princess and he is good fun company.  He is very like Wully in that respect in that I can trust him 100% and feel very safe and comfortable with him.  He has a son the same age as Ewan so we went to his house on Saturday (me and the boys) and the kids played together while we chatted then we all went to the cinema today.  He even booked tickets for the very back row so that I wouldn't hurt my eyes and went and got sweets for the kids before we got there. I have never let the kids meet anyone before but this seems different.  So why I am so scared!!  I know the answer is probably to just relax and wait and see what happens but I am worried that I hurt him again.  I know that I am an emotional headcase.  Is it just that I am scared of being happy?  I am very confused by it all.  Anyway, I will sign off as I need to go and do some work tonight before tomorrow.  Billie is getting her operation on her ear tomorrow so I'm worried about that.  They are very concerned about weight loss she has been having recently so they will do tests first before they put her under the anaesthetic so fingers crossed they don't find anything wrong.

Take care penguins.

Gayle xxxx 

Wow, what a lot of posts.

It has only been a few days since I last posted but it has just taken me quite some time to read and catch up with you all. So much stuff happening to you all.

Firstly, hello janet, sorry you find yourself here but I have found this site so much help. I lost my husband 2 days before you, on the 17th on july and the point in everything still hasn't returned but at least now I can manage to do things that I couldn't only a few months ago.

Judes I like your post, it shows one of the sides to this site that kept me reading in the early days, there is a way through, to be happy like our loved ones wanted for us and if you are like me, tried to make us promise we would be!! A huge ask but a beautiful one considering what they were facing. But good luck with the new job, somehow the resposibility seems bigger now, it seems like it is harder to be resposible for myself let alone others but I am sure you will take to it like a duck to water.

Helen i hope your trip to the Lakes goes well and good luck with the new cooker.

Fiona have a fab time in New York.

Ailsa your picture was lovely on facebook and you did Chris proud for his birthday, I hope you managed the day with at least some nice memories and a bit of family support.

Lynne I hope you are continuing to do as you like, life is too short, so live it and love who you want to, nobody elses buisness.

Pam I am so sorry you had a bad morning, little things that family members do can be such a big thing to us can't they. When a member of my family does not ring on the day they say they will it sometimes gets my head turning. I know they have just got themseles busy and before they know it the day is gone, but you feel that you should have entered they're head and you have spoken to noone else all day, who would know if you were unwell? but much as we have our difficulties they still have their lives to carry n with don't they.

Patricia I am sorry someone you don't even really know managed to upset you so much, words can be such a wepon and people just dont realise how much harm they can really do. It is a difficult time for you around now and my thoughts and hugs are with you.

Gayle, well good for you and the new (kind of) man. I am sure that there will be all sorts of emotions and strange feelings to overcome but if he is truely as nice as you say and you trust him that much i am sure you can find some happiness together.

well I have got back from Hull this evening and was going to go for a jog but the rain put a stop to that idea. Though i think i wi is england and if i let that put me off i will never run this 10km!! Mark now has some beautiful roses and his card in the cemetery because I can't be there tomorrow (too far in one night!) because I have to work. The tree looks like it is still doing alright, a bit of a large twig at this time of year but the leaf buds still look healthy so hopefully in the next month or so it will start to look a bit more treelike again. I had an unexpectedly busy couple of days. I went out sat night with my friend, her husband and my god daughter (she is growing so fast). I didn't think I would have time to see them when I went up north because they live near York and it was only a quick visit this weekend, but they were visiting family in Hessle, the village we all grew up in, so we had tea in the pub, unexpected but brill. Then today I suggested to my parents and my sister and BIL that we have sunday lunch in the pub before my drive home, so yet more pub grub and as always you cant eat out without a desert. I will be so fat at this rate! Back home now, with my one remaining, slightly lonely cat (him and me ,both!). Work tomorrow. The hum drum normality just seems so pointless at times. oh well it makes me get out of the house.

Take care all and big hugs.

Becky 

Becky which part of the country do you live in??

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

hi Patricia

I live in Leicester, where are you.

Becky

Hi Becky, I am in Leeds, West Yorkshire and work at SJUH.  I hope ypu are ok today.

I hope all you penguins are having a reasonable day.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hello all, just wizzing in and had a quick catch up, then realised that no-one has been here since Monday so thought I would pop a wave and a hug on to all of you.  Off to do a bit in the garden before fencing man starts on  Friday - and whilst the sun is shining for a change.  Hope you are all ok, lots of love and more hugs to you all xxxxxxxx

Hi fellow penguins -- I havent posted for a while as like patricia I have been very down after xmas + the 1st anniversary -- got myself ill but I am slowly picking up -- will catch up on all the news soon -- Lots of <<<< hugs >>>> to you all -- did you know that hugging keeps you healthy, evaporates stress, depression + anger,  strengthens the immune system, leads to a better nights sleep + invigarates the spirit. It is 100% organic ,its free ,nonpolluting +it can be returned without a receipt -- got to rely on my young grandson for hugs now  lucky he's always up for a (cwtch ) as we welsh say  --take care all xx lynda

ahhh now there's lush Lynda {trying to type with a Welsh accent} - hope you're not offended - nothing wrong with a {cwtch} with a grandson.........

And you are sooooo right about the (((hugs))) - maybe we should start a campaign for healthy non-fattening (um - is there another kind?) eco-friendly ((hugs))!!!!  Ideas on a postage stamp please!!!!  Oh dear - I think I've found my silly head tonight!!!!

And for all those in need of one here's my contribution of friendly comforting ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxx