My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening everyone

Sending hugs to our penguins that are needing them today ((())))

Looking forward to Liverpool tomorrow, just a shame I m in work but Ive been off today as I went to Manchester last night with G to see the tutankahmun exhibition at the trafford centre. Had a lovely evening and day. Early night tonight ready for the weekend!!

Lynne you have echoed exactly how I feel, enjoy my time with G so much but so many other emotions too, guilt, memories etc. Then the emptiness after having a lovely evening/weekend together and home on my own again. Cant win can we lol xx

Well I ll see everyone who is coming to Liverpool and hope to meet others next time

Helen xxx

evening to you all

Big hugs to you all and extra big hugs to all of you who are feeling down.

Just a quick note to let those of you who are going that I have decided to come to Liverpool. Appologies in advance that i may be a little low but I have been looking forward to meeting you so I am comming anyway! I will not be comming till Saturday because my remaining cat deserves not to be left alone too long but I am sure he'll cope for one night especially if the neighbour is checking on him.

I also warn you in advance i am bad at names. good with faces but it takes a while for the two things to match in my head. I have been swatting up onpeoples photos so I have half an idea whos who when we meet. Be kind to me, he he! See you Saturday.

For those who aren't going it is a shame we won't meet this time but maybe in future.

take care everyone and be kind to yourselves.

Becky

Hello penguins

Becky, thats great you are coming.  It came into my head today that before our first meet how daunting it was but now that I know all the lovely ladies when you read the posts on here you can hear their voices.  Very bizarre!  I remember Lynne phoning me for the first time and her being surprised I sounded scottish :)  Very funny.

Anyway, just a quick one as I have a million things to do before bed and need to get an early start tomorrow.  Can't wait to see you all this weekend and for those that can't join us we will have a wee drink for you :)

Gayle xx

Hi. I am so sorry for your loss. They are perfectly normal feelings, actually i thought i was the only one who thought like that as well. I remember it all so clearly. When i lost my boyfriend to cancer bk in 2007. When he passed away, i remember my mom and brother coming to collect me and i stood my my brothers car, and watched as all the cars when busyily buy, and instantly i thought "WHY ARE YOU ALL STILL MOVING, YOU SHOULD ALL KNOW WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED AND STOP!"  i was angry that they didnt.  Then it hit me what had just happened. The months leading up to his death was both upsetting and crewl. It is a evil illness.  All the rest that you wrote yes normal too.

Again i am so very sorry for your loss.
I wish you all the best.

Hi penguins, hope you are all having a lovely time in Liverpool and I am so sorry I am missing this meet. Hope the weather is kinder to you in Liverpool we have had two really wet and gale force windy days. I am having Charlie overnight so he will keep me busy. Still having my down days and they seem to come from no where, but nothing else but to pick myself up and get on with life. Becky so sorry to hear about your cat I also lost my cat of 12 after Derek died I had to get it put to sleep and was so hard as i had no one to help me make that decision, I said I was having no more but six months later I got a kitten (Bud) and I wouldn't be without him now. Hugs to all old and new penguins. Fiona xxxxx

Hello all, I'm afraid the plot is well and truly lost here again, I have been catching up with all your posts but can't hold things in place to reply properly to you all individually there is just so much!  Glad the meeting has gone well in Liverpool - we expect a full report girls, with pics on Facebook too of course, well done all penguins that were meeting for the first time it is quite scary and daunting but you come away so glad to have made that first step - but be warned you might feel a little flat for a while, just hold on to the warm feeling of belonging to a very special bunch of penguins, we're always here xxxxx

Patricia I am putting you right in the middle of the huddle and wrapping you in a beautiful rainbow blanket, I think you need a bit more looking after than you will ever allow or admit to so just be coddled my love!  I am bouncing back up a bit now and can move to the outer reaches to help surround the huddle for a while so you take a rest and try to get strong again xxxxx

Good to see Judi is still with us (via Facebook) and sending lots of hugs to you and the hairy beasts dear one, hope Kat is still improving it's so awful when they aren't well xxxxx  (Have messaged Becky but sending hugs to Judes and Becky together for strength and love)

Will have to post and sign off now as I have tweaked my back again somehow and sitting is the worst thing it seems, that and lying down, so I have to keep busy doing things walking around - not walking the dogs as I daren't try and take them out on leads.  I've also got a very painful knee, cartilige (sp?) I think so will have to go and see my lovely doctor again this week, I was hoping it would go away but it's got worse from driving the manual car I think and now I can't walk downstairs properly because of it.  I am a wreck!  Never mind I have averted a wedding cake crisis, found some shoes and sampled the menu for the reception, will be phoning the florist, DJ and photographer this week to finalise things with them so things are not so much ticking along but wizzing by and keeping me busy - that and I've just taken on doing the books for Daniels business..... did I have time for that???? No, oh well make more it seems.

Will look in again later, hope you are all doing well today, lots of love and penguin hugs xxxxxxxxx

Hi, penguins.

so glad you had such a good time in Liverpool - despite Lynne's usual jinx on the train coming home!!  One of these days i will make it to a meet!!

I haven't been around much to post lately as i've become very caught up with the Sense charity  for which i began doing half a day a week voluntary work in November. the half day has now grown to 3  days, plus a course on another day - i shall soon be a fully qualified Intervenor to work with deaf/blind children to help them make sense of the world and to access as many opportunities as possible.   Added to that, I also do the weekly shopping    for a church luncheon club, so am keeping much busier than i intended to be.  

Keep swimming.

Sue xx

So pleased to hear that all who went to the Liverpool seem to have enjoyed it.

Sue, what a busy lady you have become. Please take care not to 'burn yourself out'.

Judi, big hugs for you and your poor dog. I do hope things improve very soon for you all.

Rosemary you poor love. That back injury sounds dreadfully painful. Jus the kind of thing you definately do not need right now. I am pleased to hear that the wedding plans are coming together. Not long now eh?

Bren, I hope that you are feeling a little less 'down' than you were.

Pam, has the 'flat' feeling lifted yet???

Well, here are some huge (((((((hugs))))))) for you all. Whether you need them or not.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening everyone.  Rosemary and Sue - so busy.  Sue you must be really enjoying your work with SENSE to take on the extra days.  Good luck with it and all yuor other activities.  Rosemary it sounds like things are really taking shape for Sam's wedding.  I hope your back and your knee are soon on the mend but yes - it does sound like you are a bit of a  wreck!!!  Patricia it was a shame you couldn't make Liverpool but it was lovely to hear from you via text.  I hope you are soon feeling a lot better as well.

I have had a great time with everyone in Liverpool this weekend and it good to look through the photos on FB.  I will post mine tomorrow but I am absolutley shattered this evening so I think it might be time for bed very soon.  It has been lovely meeting Pam & Becky this weekend.  It is nice to know what each of us really look like and sound like when I am reading all the posts.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

hi everyone

well ts back to the 'real' world today. Back to work. And today i had a patient with anaemia needing investigation, so i have ordered the tests but knowing that they failed to find the cancer in Mark. A very strange feeling, but I know it was the right thing to do.

The weekend was great and my anxiety about meeting the other penguins soon disappeared and I had a good time. Something I can not say I have done in a long time. So thankyou all you lovely penguins, with a little help from some alcohol and krispy creme donuts!

So many calories! I went to the gym after work today. I didn't go last week with everything I had no motivation, but my knee still hurt. And now I think i have hurt it even more! I just can't seem to get a good start at training for my 10 km run. I think i'll be limping tomorrow.

I hope all the others penguins are feeling strong at the moment but if not be kind to yourself about it, we can all feel low, we have ever right and reason, no sorrys required and let it all out here, we all have a very good idea what you are feeling.

Take care all

Becky