My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa
Hi guys sorry I have been in hiding, have been a bit down for a few days and just could not snap out of it..
xxx kaz
Dear Lynne and Kaz
Good to see you both posting again. When you feel down just come on here and say so - that's what we're here for!
having said that I'm going out in a minute!!! I belong to a pub quiz team, and last week was my first time there since last September when Alan fell ill.it was good to get back; it's a ladies only team, so Alan never went anyway, which means that i wouldn't expect to see him there. Does that make any sense at all 
or shall i just shut up?!!
Sue x
