My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Dear Rosemary

Your stories always make me smile - so thank you for telling us about your tree........ And well done too for getting it done.  We have a new tree this year - but have not yet got anything to decorate it and I can't decide if I really want to be bothered.  Even making a decision is an effort!!!!

Love and (((((hugs))))) to everyone

Dot xxxxx

Oh Rosemary

I have just come home from seeing my daughter and was starting to sink into that dark place, when I decided to read my posts before sinking down to watch TV.  Oh and didn't you make me laugh.  I am now sitting here giggling to myself and trying to visulise you and your antics.  Enjoy your evening xx

I would say keep swimming, but you probably have not got any energy left.

Love and (((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Pam xx

Floating now Pam, floating - probably on a sea of Baileys actually, I found three miniatures, maybe shouldn't have had them all!  Sorry not got back girls, big sis phoned, then I munched the cheese and bics and then found the Baileys and The Apprentice was on, meant to come back after but Daniel arrived - that was lovely, but we ended up both sobbing our hearts out together, which wasn't lovely but much needed, especially for him I think.  So just popped in to say hi this morning and will be a better penguin later today xxxxxxx

Rosemary you are always a good penguin.  Don't let anybody tell you different xx.

I love the picture of you floating on a sea of Baileys and think I will join you.  And you should not berate yourself, Baileys is good.  It helps you through. 

I wonder if we can write to Baileys and give them a slogan.  Baileys Helps You Through.  Do you reckon they would like that one.

I went to meet a friend in Norwich today, she is on MWs so it was good to meet someone who really knows.  And actually to find someone who lives in Norfolk is quite an event. It is weird how we meet so many people either in cyberland or in real life that we would never have met if our circumstances were not as they are. Bad circumstances but good friends.

I have got to get up the stamina tomorrow to wrap up all the presents I bought on Monday.  I think a few large Baileys will be called for then.  I have done my Christmas shopping, sent off all my cards (with notes in the ones that do not know about Martin) but wrapping up the presents, I don't know, that is going to be so very hard. It is another thing I must do, but not something I want to do.  Do you think anyone will notice if I just give them their present without wrapping.  No, thought not, don't think I will get away with that one.

Anyway, all you lovely penguins, have as good an evening as you can.

Love and ((((hugs))))))

Pam xx

Pam (I'm not here actually, meant to be finishing my cards and promised myself I could come on here afterwards, but I need an address!), you don't need to wrap them all, buy gift bags and maybe a bit of tissue to stuff around things festively and then you just write the label!  Done - then time for the Baileys! xxxxx (Welcome to join me on the sea :-))

Yes!  I've done my cards, put stamps on and they are ready to go in the morning :-))  Thankfully at the moment we don't have the return of the snow, but we are forecast some nasty icy roads tomorrow which is a nuisance as I have to go over to the in-laws by 10.30 and then sis in law and I are going to Hampshire for her uncles funeral.  Really not looking forward to this, I'm hoping to just get through it and it won't bring back memories and thankfully, although I knew Uncle Den and he is close family in that he is f-i-laws brother I haven't really seen him much over the years so I don't feel so close myself.  Does that sound awful?  I don't mean to and I think it's because part of me knows we have more to go through soon so I'm trying to put on the protective screen.  Daniel thought he had to go, but I really don't think he is emotionally up to it at the moment and he doesn't remember even meeting Uncle Den or maybe Auntie Marg so I won't put him through a funeral yet and anyway it means he will be on hand if his Nanny needs him as she is staying at home with f-in-law.  I don't think it will be much longer with f-in-law actually, he is sleeping a lot of the time now and very confused, hardly eating and not able to stand unaided, but who knows.  Selfishly I want it to be over, and sooner rather than after Christmas and maybe the same time as Steve went, I don't know if any of us could handle that, but realistically I can't see him being here by then.

Right I have made notes!  Becky well done with the gym and swimming, it proves you are NOT depressed and you are doing blooming well to keep yourself going like that.  Keep drinking and swimming in Baileys - gotta be good!

Judi, don't you over do it my sweet, who will the dogs turn to if you are laid up over Christmas?  Good to have you back though, even if sporadically (sp) for a while longer.  What breed of phone do you have now?  I hate changing mine and tend to stick to my favourite breed of Sony Ericsson, I know where I am with them.  iPhones blow my brain and the Blackberry..... who on earth can even SEE that keyboard?????? 

Patricia, Thank you for sharing your good news about your dad, it#'s lovely to hear some good at last.  I wish we were closer then we could drag each other swimming and it's always easier with someone to go with, I must get back to it after Christmas and New Year, the waist line, which I didn't realise was receeding, is now back again as I haven't been near the pool for a few weeks now.

Dottee I do hope you are ok and the family are helping you cope with everything.  Don't worry about your tree mine says it will shine for you and anyone else that can't manage one this year.  Thinking of you lots and sending hugs daily (and in the wee small hours when hugs are needed most)

Fiona, Ailsa, Helen, Manda, Mandy, Lesley, Lynne (or shall we call you Snow Queen?), Gayle and all of you penguins out there hope you are all bobbing along on the Baileys Ocean, or into the Hot Chocolate whirlpool (under the waterfall of whipped cream), join me on the ledge anytime, direct access into the warm bedroom and under the duvet or we'll build a fire in the lounge and sit round it swapping stories all night.  Lots and love and hugs to you all, take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From the Leeds penguin to all his friends on here. "Thinking of you all dear friends and although I know that many of you are having a very difficult time right now (Rosemary I know you are struggling and trying to put on a brave face) I would like to wish you all a peaceful Christmas and New Year.  They say 'it is the season to be jolly' but how many of us feel that way??? not many, if indeed any is my guess. Soooo I am extending the flipper of friendship and inviting you all to a massive penguin huddle which will take place each day over the Christmas/New Year period. Of course we could all just descend on Rosemary and drink all her Hot choc or Baileys and use all her fuel to keep warm. (That's if we don't all get 'grounded' by the snow and ice first). Well I better dash coz I need to go 'fishing' for my supper.

Take care and be kind to yourselves.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Afternoon all

Just thought I'd drop by to leave thanks and (((hugs))) for you all.....Rosemary I'm doing OK just now and thank you for sending me more (((hugs))) in the wee small hours......You're right they are the worst times!  My mind has been too busy and refuses to sleep when it should!!  Difficult times now and for some time to come I think.

Your offer of Baileys, hot choc and open fire sound sooo tempting - shall I bring some marshmallows to toast too???  I prefer crumpets (or pikelets) toasted by the fire and dripping with butter......mmmmm

Patricia - I will be the first one there in the holiday huddle........ Hope your 'fishing' trip found you more than a minnow for your tea????

To everyone else - sorry I can't remember anything you've said - I'll have to go back to making notes!!  But I send lots of love and (((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you all

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone ..... I'm Janet, I've made a few posts since joining this site but was told this thread would be good to join in with.  My partner Carlton died on Nov 1st and so can fully empathise with everyone how difficult Christmas is going to be.  Carls sister and nephews put my tree up and outdoor lights as I couldn't face doing it without him to see them.  We've got 3 daughters, twins Natasha and Olivia who are just 9 and then Laura who is 6 and I know Carl would want them to still have a good Christmas but its hard.. .  They can't wait to see what Santa brings and its difficult to see them so excited and almost oblivious to the bigger picture.

I too enjoy the odd baileys and bought some Tia Maria today as well .... all I need is chocolate milk and ice to make a nice cocktail.....until then wine will have to do! 

So back to More4 and 'Walk the Line' with Johnny Cash and thats another night over with.

Goodnight .... and hope to cyber speak soon ...take care everyone xx

Hi Janet

I am so sorry that I meet you under these circumstances.  I have made so many cyberfriends because of being a widow which is somewhat bittersweet.  I lost Martin in September and completely know how you feel.  So many emotions, numbness, anger, disbelief and so many more.  I am glad you have found this thread as you will find lots of friendly penguins here who are further down the road than we are.  They will give you the strength to get through (whatever that is).

Christmas is a sad time when you have lost someone so close, but this being our first is much worse.  I can only tell you my thoughts on getting through this and the time to come.  I have good friends, some who have walked in my shoes, and I am lucky that I can talk to them about anything I need to and they understand.  But I decided yesterday that no matter how good these friends are I am the only one who can get me through this darkness.  I know it is going to take time and I have to remember that. But with the good cyberfriends on this site it gives me the strength to know I will get through this one day and I feel sure if you keep posting you will get through too.  Just take each day as it comes and if you can't do days then just one hour at a time.  Baby steps... 

Love and lots of (((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Pam x