My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

My Max is part choc lab too

Evening to all,  It is very cold here tonight  as well Ailsa so not moved tonight. I had a look at your photos they were lovely and glad you had a nice time. Becky i hope you have got through the day and sending  you a hug. Lynne i do hope your finger is healing it makes me say ouch when i think about it.  Gayle i hope you get your keys and get the move over before it gets much colder. Well Kim's husband is doing ok he had to phone doctor on Sat as he had pains again but he had just had a phone call from his employers paying him off so that upset him and he was a bit stressed. He goes back for more tests this week to see if he needs to go to Glasgow so fingers crossed he gets on ok. Charlie is one this Saturday where has the time gone he is getting so big and getting round the furniture and  trying to get up the stairs don't think he will be long before he is walking.  He has made me smile again and i enjoy looking after him when i can. Helen i hope Nat is feeling better i remember Darren having the same thing and we also ended up in A and E i felt so sorry for him as he couldn't swallow at all. Well i think it's bedtime for me, sending hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi all

Becky I hope that you managed to get through today feeling that Martin was with you.  You KNOW who he chose to be with so that is all that matters hun, if others wish to try to get close to him now then you just comfort yourself with the truth - it was you every minute.  Feel confident and quitely comforted that they may need to make 'public' displays, you and he didn't need to do that - that remains the same.  you are completely secure in his love for you, no need to 'show' others.

Patricia, of course you should let all your hurt and sadness out here darling - still can be SO hard - huge hugs for you. 

Helen, what a lovely post .... and as always you make sense to me!! It is quite heart-warming when you are able to look at such lovely memories and feel more warmth and gratefulness that you experienced and had such a love isn't it?

Munchkin, you know exactly how much we are all crossing our fingers, arms, legs, eyes in fact everything that your move in goes smoothly.  terrific that you had that 'feeling' when you went in the new place - and uh oh, billy and billie and the possible new billetts - Motown calling I think. 

Lynne, just you look after yourself you nitwit.  Big squashy hugs my darling. 

Rosemary ..... oh Rosemary are you there?  It is awfully cold up here in teh north hun, send up a Baileys coffee would you?  Hope you and yours are all doing well hun.

Fiona,what a lot you guys are coping with - glad Charlie is keeping you sane ....... wait a minute..... did I say fiona and sane????  Ooops!  only joking hun!

i don't have anything to report really - just working and coming home to my lovely house, so no complaints from me at the moment.  I went food shopping yesterday but ended up buying some Christmas decorations and two beautiful Christmas stockings, one for Boy and one for his girlfriend who is travelling up Christmas Eve to spend it with us ..... no food .... but you know this the my third Christmas without Ed and the first that I have looked forward to in any shape or form, even if it is only about 'bits' of it!  I could not have imagined that ever happening - so again progress I guess.

Have to go now cos I need to put on about four coats a hat and scarf to take the dogs out.   To everyone, loads and loads of love. 

Judes xxx

Hi Penguins

Thankyou for  all your support in the last few days, it is good to know that there are people out there who have some idea what it is like and understand just how hard life is just keeping going at times.

Because you have been so supportive I feel i should let you know how it went. Better then I ever expected! The thought of the day had for months caused instant tears and emotional dispare but when it came to it, it happened. I think in a little tiny way the same way as we get through the funerals, things I wanted to do for him kept me going. I found it difficult to rise from my bed in the morning till about 10 not that I had slept since 5am but I am sure you know what I mean. But once up there were things to do, showering and putting on nice clothes to look nice for him, I even put on makeup, only the second time since the funeral. The flowers needed cutting to a length that would stand well in the plastic vase and some thought as to how to keep the rabbits off them (as it happens the display I bought came with some net/fabric around them so I arranged that to deter them, I hope!). Then I wanted to go to the cemetery before his parents and daughter arrived to spend a bit of time alone there. I have bought him a stone cat that is curled up and sleeping, I felt he needed company and it seemed wrong for him to be without a cat (we have two at home) I aranged my flowers and the extra ones my sister had brought (she had brought an arangement the day before because she had to work, started a new job, unfortunately when I arrived the rabbits had eaten a good 50% of her arangement overnight). I took a lantern that we had brought together shortly before he died and lit a candle in it (it's windy where I have planted his tree, though not yesterday!). Then I sat on a blanket under the tree for 45min, it was peaceful, and I talked to him or just let there be silence. The sun was shining and the sky was blue and because there was vertually no wind it was warmer then I think I have ever felt there before. Tears yes, but.............

Then his parents and daughter arrived, and to my great relief not his ex! It was her husband that dropped them off but he left and only came back to pick up Marks parents. There were more flowers and a card. they didn't stay long. My dad then arrived with more flowers. And after spending a little time arringing all the flowers there was no dowt how much he is loved. I then spent a nice 2 1/2 hours with his daughter having a meal and talking. We are still getting to know each other but she is a lovely 17year old. We actually had quite deep conversation about life after death and where Mark is now. I am glad to say she feels he is watching over her. then after driving her home I came home and shared the last of his Jamesons distillary reserve with my dad. Far less tears and far calmer day then I was expecting, slight feelings of guilt about that but not too much.

After going on about me for so long may i say I hope you are all doing ok. It almost goes without saying that we are all hoping that gayle you get the keys and your move all goes to plan,Lynne I hope the hand is healing, you are luck his ring fit your finger as my Marks is on a chain around my neck. Judes I am glad that you are able to look forward to christmas, I am sure you realise it is another date that I am dreading, but you give me hope that there maybe a time that I don't.

The Baileys will be the tipple of choice again tonight, so if you want one there is still plenty to go round. More ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) to all those who need them. Be kind to yourselves

Becky

I`m so glad that all went well for you Becky, You, and indeed Mark deserve that.

Kay

Afternoon all , i'll just say first WEH YEY for Gayles keys at last good luck for tommorow hun , sure it will all go fine now xx Becky i'm so glad you had a "nice day" as i'm sure the other penguins will say the same thing , we all usually go into melt down before these "special days " but the build up is usually worse than the actual day . Thank you for asking about my hand , i've had to have it dressed again today , it will not stop bleeding but i'm sure it will and i had to have Gordons riing downsized about 5 sizes so i could wear it , how glad am i now. Anyway just a quick one , off to disney on ice with Beth tonight , shee's so excited . Hope everybody is ok xxxx

Lynne xxx

Very well done Becky I think you hae been so brave, you made me cry with your post, it just seemed as right as it possibly could have been, the part about you sitting on the blanket seemed to set me off. I've not been posting but I do read & try to keep up with you all? Hope everything keeps ok for everyone else, you all seem so strong!

Karen xx

Evening everyone.  Becky you did so well yesterday.  I have loved reading how the day panned out for you in the end.  One thing we all seem to have found is that invariably the day we dreaded so much is not so bad as we thought once it arrives and then passes.  I have a lovely picture in my head now of you sitting on the blanket in the cemetery chatting to Mark.  I had a bench put in the cemetery where Chris is and I get such comfort from sitting there chatting to him.  It is lovely to sit near to him in the summer.  Watch out for getting too comfy on the blanket though - a certain Lynne! fell asleep on a blanket in the cemetery while visiting Gordon on a nice warm day last year.

You all have me wishing I had a chocolate labrador now.  Gayle I am so pleased to read on FB that you have the keys.  Good luck with the hard work of moving in now - it will all be worth it.  Evening Judi.  Your right - where is that Rosemary?  I am glad you are enjoying your house as much still.  I am looking forward to some parts of Christmas this year as well.  I am not so scared of it this year and feel a little more like I know what to expect.  Chris and the rest of us always loved Christmas so it would be awful to not keep making an effort.  I feel a bit more like I can do that this year.  I had such a lovely time with the family round on Sunday that I can't wait to do that again and Christmas will be our next opportunity.

Lynne - how is your finger?  It still sounds pretty bad to me if it is bleeding so you take care of yourself.  Have a great time at Disney on Ice this evening.

Well I can't remember if I have missed anything as I haven't made notes tonight.  I'm off to do an hours painting in the garage so take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Fiona I can hardly believe that Charlie is almost a year old.  I am sorry to hear about your son-in-laws job but he needs to focus on his health so I am sure it is for the best.  I wish him a continued recovery.

See - I knew I would miss something - good evening Karen, I'm glad you are still keeping up with us all.  I hope you are okay.  Ailsa xxx

Is it just me girls, or have you found that the Macmillan site are not emailing you when there are replies to the threads you post on.  It has only happened the last few days and i can't think why.

Anyway, hope you are all having as good a day as you can.  Mine started really bad.  Back on the floor again.  Was fine beginning of week, but whether I have been doing too much lately I don't know. But was feeling really grim yesterday afternoon and this morning. Really missed Martin so much.  Could not see any point in anything any more.  Am feeling a bit better now, so will stay in and recharge my batteries.  (Thank you so much Rosemary for your support over the last few days it did helpxxx)

The weather is grim, so to all you poor penguins who have to venture out I will give you a warm penguin ((((((((((((hug))))))))))) and if you need it will pour you out a large Bailies to keep you warm. 

I am going to have to watch this one though, I have been hitting the Bailies a bit too much lately, and the Vodka and the Drambrue.  Will have to have a couple of 'dry' days before I start having a problem I think.  A friend of mine who lost her husband was told that it did not matter what you ate in the first 6 months but I do not think that is the same for what you drink is it. 

Anyway, am not going to cuddle up on the sofa with the duvet (that helps to make me feel safe) and watch tele for the afternoon.  Think I need some ME time.

So lots of love and ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Pam xx