My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening to All,  Gayle glad to hear about your house it will be nice for you and the boys to get settled.  Yes please Rosemary for some apple crumble. Welcome Karen keep reading and posting when you feel like it. Helen i hope Nat feels better soon. Ailsa you must be tired with all your travelling to work enjoy Sunday when you have all your family. It has been very cold here today and we are going to have frost tonight, just seen a friend away and it's feezing so electric blanket on. Kim's husband had to phone hospital today as he is so sore and stiff but they say as long as it's not the pain he was having last Mon he would be ok and to go to his doctor if no better on Fri it is such a worry. Judi i am coming up your way on Sat ( Banchory) my Auntie's ashes are getting put in with my granny and granda.  We are driving up as far as Dundee on Friday night and we have to be there for 11.30 on Sat then bacck home on Sat afternoon so hope snow not to bad. Sending a hug to everyone think it's bedtime for me.   Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx

Evening everyone

Well what would I not have given to have been in that shop with you and Sam Rosemary ...... the foolish, foolish woman didn't stand a chance!  And yes, Sam will look beautiful at the ball, how could she be anything but ... she is her parents' daughter.

Munchkin - I am absolutely delighted that EVENTUALLY you have a date for keys and although the next couple of weeks may be tiring they will be nothing like as stressful as the last few hun. ((((   )))))Poor old Nat, she must be feeling terrible, little toot. Bit hugs Helen, hope that you are not worrying too much.

I think sue has her Mojo back!!  Superb piccies - and so wonderful that you are enjoying your new position at SENSE - how lucky are they to have got you. 

No real news with me, just finding my way round fulltime with the dogs again and a slightly longer commute (I whispered the word commute in case Ailsa hears cos it is only anything between 12 - 18 minutes!!!!)  Big hugs you ... and you will love having them all round for lunch - and if we like Hamish, then they will all love him. 

Fiona, glad that Kim's hubby is in less pain, take it easy and give Charlie a hug would you. No snow here at the moment hun, although the Braemar road was closed last week, so I don't think it will be long. 

Am off for my evening stroll with the mutts - love to all and everyone.

Judes xxxx

Hello everyone

Wow, so many posts lately, I can't keep them all straight in this little brain cell right now.  But want to welcome all the new penguins.  You have found the right place.  Baileys and hot chocolate sounds wonderful, hadn't thought of that, must try some tonight.

Glad to hear the place is getting settled Gayle, hope you are settled in with your boys very soon.  Judi, I am glad you are settled.  I could not imagine moving at this time but have thought seriously about moving when I retire which could be 4 or 5 more years.  Right now I would probably go to Cornwall, Ontario which is near the Quebec border, an hour or so drive from most of my relatives instead of 8 hours to here.   

I have been doing ok this last week, crazy busy at work, no time to breath never mind think but I spent the weekend alone and was ok.  I took the dog for some long walks and kept on with the clutter clearing, one day it will be done - might take me months yet but I felt like I was doing ok and for the first time I felt like I am going to make it.  I could crash again tomorrow but for now it feels pretty good.

I can understand what you mean about the photos Patricia, I still can't look at our pictures from the cruise where Danny had a sore back and came home to find he had cancer.  I can look at older ones and I am fine with them, enjoy looking at some of the older ones where we were having a good time.

I am trying to pretend Christmas is not coming by ignoring it.  I know that is not going to work but for now it does.  I will probably drive to Montreal to stay with MIL for a little while but I really don't feel like celebrating Christmas at all and probably will do the same as last year and stay at her house while the family has their dinner at someone else's.  I do want to see my MIL, she is 82 now and a few friends in Montreal but not looking forward to that drive all alone.

Sending lots of hugs to all and I will be on the outside for a little bit.

Bren

Morning all , sorry i'm not very good at posting at the moment , the trouble i had at work last week has led to trouble this week and its taking some sorting out in my head . I am reading and trying to keep up with the posts , been in tears and laughed too (thanks Rosemary ) , I've also added most of you (i'm sure i'll remember who i've forgotten soon ) to a group i was invited to join yesterday and yes it is from merry widows . It is also a private group so you know only widows are reading , not sure if any of us will use as we have POA but thought i would invite everyone anyway as you ladies are the best support in the world .. Take care i'll be back when my brain is back in gear

Lynne xxxxx

Fiona, I hope your son-in-law is not starting to feel a little better and has no lasting effects from his illness.

Helen, how is Nat? It is not nice to have such nasty throat infections. It brings you 'down'. (((((hugs))))) for her. (Not very helpful I know, but nice to feel loved).

Bren, it must be difficult for you being so far away from your family. I feel so very, very blessed to have most of mine nearby.

Lynne, you sound quite 'down' I do hope that whatever the trouble is soon resolves with a good outcome. You take care of yourself. ((((hugs)))))

Love and angel hugs to all you penguins x x x Patricia x x x

Evening everyone.  It's lovely to hear from you Lynne - I missed you.  I hope things are soon sorted out for you.  Hi Judes - I am okay with the commute thing tonight as tomorrow is the last one - yippee.  I know I have been a moaning minnie about it and thanks everyone for letting me get it off my chest.  Fiona it is good to hear that your son in law is improving.  Have a safe journey at the weekend.  Rosemary, I forgot to mention your apple crumble last night.  I am sure it won't be allowed on my diet but then again I am also sure that gifts are totally calorie free so I should be fine.  Bren I think maybe you have the right idea for Christmas if it worked for you last year.  It looks like me and my kids are going to do what we did last year and each take responsibility for preparing a course of the dinner but this year we are going to go to eat at Becky's.  It will be lovely to have her so close this year.  I worried about her driving home for Christmas last year in all that snow.  I hope everyone else is okay this evening - Becky, Pam, Karen & Grace, Helen, Patricia, Sue & Dot, Manda, Lesley, Dave & Lynda (who we haven't heard from for a little while - how are you Lynda?  I'm sure I will have missed someone.  I'm off to take a look at the group you have mentioned on facebook Lynne.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Rosemary, please put me down for a large piece of your apple pie.  It will go nicely with the large Baileys I am now pouring out.

Well it has been a hit and miss day today.  I have had good days and bad days before, but today was different.  It was more like good hours and bad hours.  One minute I was feeling OK and then the next I was missing Martin so much all I could do was cry.  It is so hard to get it into your head that you will never see them again isn't it.  I find it has been worse since the clocks went back and the nights are so long.  It is a very lonely time isn't it;  And I know now what they mean by feeling lonely in a crowd.  Everyone getting on with their lives and you standing in limbo not knowing which way to go and what the future holds. 

I do not know if any of you remember me saying that I sent a lengthy letter to PALS telling them about the quality of care Martin received in his short 5 months since diagnosis. And how I was made to feel like the stressed out, interfering wife who should have stayed in the background and not made a fuss. Well I was so suprised tonight to have an email back from them, sending their condolenses and they were very moved at the 'heartfelt account' of Martins illness. Although I only wrote to them to see if I could ease the anger I felt at his treatment, they have decided to send it in as a formal complaint.  They all agree that this should be done.  It has lifted my spirits tonight, and feel that at last the people who should have looked after Martin better will be held accountable for the fact that they did not.  I am not looking for compensation or anything like that and I do not think the outcome would have been any different, but I now feel that I was NOT the 'stressed out wife' (as someone described me to my husband when he was in hospital) and I was NOT  making a fuss about nothing. I know this will not bring closure, but it might help to ease the anger inside me and it is the last thing I can do for Martin.  I now have to get on with the rest of my life and not look back at the things that the specialists did not do, but only remember my lovely Martin as he used to be.

Well thats enough waffling from me I think.  Rosemary, wherever is that piece of apple pie, I have nearly finished my Baileys.

Goodnight and Godbless to all you lovely Penguins, I am so very tired but I am determined to keep swimming.

Lots and lots of ((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) to you all.

(See you on MW) xx

Hugs Pam. I hope you get what you need from the complaint. How dare they call you the stressed out wife. I am appalled that they said that to Martin. It is one thing to say it in the office but something quite different when voiced to patients or relatives. Perhaps they didn't mean it the way it soundedI hope you manage to get some sleep.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

hi penguins

I hope you are all having a reasonable day.

I want to share my acheivment today with you all. I went out with a friend for lunch today, decided to try a quiet coffee shop i let her choose. It wasn't till we got there did i discover with sinking heart that it was vertually underneith the first flat that me and my husband had shared when i was a student, our first home for 3 years. \i had not known my friend back then and she had no idea. I considered asking her if we could go somewhere else but thought i would have to face it some time so said nothing. I sat with my back to the shop front so I couldn't see where i was and we had lunch and a chat for about 1 1/2 hours, it was only in the car as we left that I told her. She didn't know what to say. We had had some happy times there. Celebrated passing my degree there. found our first cat there, who owes his life to Mark who rescued him from a plastic bag dumped in the alley. Somehow with all of that, I didn't fall to peices, I only cried a little when I got home. I think its a good thing isn't it?

Now I have the evening to face alone. I am going to stay with family for the next week, as it is Marks 40th birthday on monday and I need to be around support, it's going to be a difficult week.

take care, i'll share my large bottle of baileys with anyone who needs it.

Big HUGS

Becky

Dear Becky, I'll pass on the Bailey's but just wanted to say well done for today. It is always difficult when we find ourselves in an unexpectedly familiar place. My feeling is that somehow your friend was guided to that place in order to help you to begin the 'healing process'. You have described many happy memories and that has to be good (even if it hurts too). ((((((hugs))))))

I hope that this is the first of many times when you can remember the good things about Mark. I am sending you lots of loving angel hugs to help you to get through the next few days. As many on here will tell you, the run up to special occassions is often much worse than the actual day itself.

Take care Becky, I hope tonight is not too difficult for you.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x