My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

everything crossed, Gayle xx

Gayle, I hope that luck is on your side today and that you do indeed get the key of the door (as perfectly demonstrated by Sue's picture).  Take care and please try not to overdo things. Such a shame we don't all kive closeby because we could have forned a 'penguin' house removal briggade or advance cleaning party to prepare the house for your occupation.

Have as good a day as you can dear friends.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Thank you ladies (love the pic Sue!).  Quick update - she has officially gone but has left the place a mess so they are going in to replace the kitchen floor, clean, clean carpets, etc plus she has stolen all the white goods so they are having to get them all replaced (which means I get nice shiny new ones lol).  So I "might" get the keys Thursday just to go in and see where things are going any maybe get curtain poles up etc.  But officially I am moving in next Wednesday - lorry is booked!!!  Yippee!!!

Gayle xxx

Excellent news, Gayle  - and new white goods, eh!  worth waiting for, I'd say.

xx

Great new Gayle, you deserve a bit of luck for a change.

And Rosemary, I thank you so much for the ride.  I am just now jumping in your boat as I really need a lift at the moment.  Can I be greedy and have Baileys and hot chocolate please.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Pam xx

hi penguins

what a lot everyone has been upto. there are so many i loose track, still learning all your names and situations so sorry if I get things wrong.

Firstly can I say ho glad I am for Gayle that you have the date to move to your new house and an endpoint to the turmoil in sight. I wish I did live close by, because I would love to help, I know we have never met but its amazing how much you start to feel like you know people on here and I could do with purpose at the moment. Can't bring myself to arrange my house yet, that will come with time.

Susan your pictures are brilliant. So are the ones from Rosemary, I think I am feeling a little like I could help tow the boat for a little while with a little break once in a while for a glass of balieys, just bought a large bottle from sainsburys.

Helen I hope your Nat feels better soon. Take care of yourself too.

Pat the mention of the photos of your hubby on sydney harbour bridge brought back memories for me too, good ones. In 2001 me and Mark spent a few weeks in Australia and we climbed the harbour bridge, the photo is on the wall in the bedroom, we were so happy, long before any thoughts of ill health. It was the holiday of a lifetime. I am sure your Ray enjoyed it just as much.

Ailsa just two mre days of the commute left, almost there.

Pam you are doing so well, much better then me, but be kind to yourself and don't over do it.

Karen what a traumatic time you have been through. And now the fresh feeling of loss too. The shock and feelings of disbeleif must be huge. I lost my husband very quickly also and am somewhat traumatised for which I am finding councilling is helping. I know that your situation is much different, more sudden and traumatic but when you feel up to it, talking about it may help.

Me I am up and down. I have nothing planned in the last two days which is never good. It would be the good thing about going back to work and although at times like this afternoon I feel it might be doable, there are other days that I am still a complete mess. Occupational health has suggested that they would be thinking of after christmas. It leaves me with another two months to try to learn who I am now and fill my time alone with no structure.

Next week will be soo difficult, Mark would have been 40 on monday. The thoughts of last year when we celebrated small, because it would be a big one this year, and we were saving for the wedding. Its just not fair. I know you all feel the same, but its not.

I am going to stop now before I bring myself down too far

I am swimming now and will try to keep going. Big Baileys for all.

Becky

Baileys, hot chocolate and..... who's up for some apple crumble?  I've got stacks and stacks of apples so I will have to do something with them..... why didn't I buy a cider press????  

Been having a day and a half with Samantha today, she is going to a Help the Heroes ball on Saturday and she and Wayne bought him a suit on Saturday and after trying all her dresses on (and believe me she has a few) nothing fits anymore!! So on Sunday she went shopping - I couldn't join her so she went alone.... with her credit card AND Wayne let her take his too!! Mad fool, does he know NOTHING?????   Anyway, short version of that is she turns up here yesterday to show me THE dress, a nice long black number which didn't fit.  I said "It doesn't fit" which was quite subtle for me and she said it would when she got some gel thingy push you up bra bits as she can't wear a bra with it and it was ok in the shop because she had a bra on.  "How much was it?" I asked...........£355  As Ailsa will confirm I keep calm at these moments, however I agreed that Wayne was justified in having a hissy fit AND it didn't fit!!!!!!  So the slightly longer shorter version is we took the dress back today and I went in with her and said could we have a refund please as it doesn't fit, it's far too big.  The shop assistant (around my age) said very sorry but they don't do refunds, they could exchange it or have it altered.  At this point Sam stood a little further back and probably held her breath.  "No she doesn't want to exchange it and the event is on Saturday and at the price she has paid I would expect her to have a dress that fits" I said, calmly and steadily - with a steely look straight at the woman.  Undeterred the woman gave a nervous smile "We are unable to give refunds and most of the dresses and suits we have here we would expect to have altered to fit perfectly, we don't charge for alterations.  I couldn't offer a refund without getting authorisation" (Ha, mistake made lady!)  "I don't want the dress altered, I do expect that when she buys a dress that it will fit, she was allowed to walk away with a very expensive dress which very obviously did not fit.  I would like you to get authorisation for a refund please"  Game over!  She had to make a phone call and then we produced the credit cards and had a refund - lots of smiles, small talk and we all pretended to be friends.  We then went off to Crawley, into Debenhams and tried four different dresses (oh and three in Monsoon) had a lovely time and bought a beautiful blue one, plus a bag, shoes and underwear for less than half that dress would cost AND she looks gorgeous.  Lesson one to Sam, next time I say wait til I can go with you, wait til I can go with you. Lesson one to Wayne do NOT let her out with your credit card twit!

Right ranting mad woman off to make dinner now (ok slinging a ready meal in the microwave tonight, I did make curry last night but it wasn't the success I had before so sulking now), and I will return and re-read all the post again and talk to you all like a normal, sensible penguin xxxxxxxxxxx

Before I go big big hug for you Becky!  Sorry I missed you whilst I was rambling on.  Swimming alongside you my love, won't let you go under - it would RUIN the Baileys!  xxxxxxxx

Evening everyone.  You make me laugh Rosemary.  Having met both you and Sam AND seeing you in action together I can only begin to imagine the silences between you over that dress.  Bless her!!  I hope they both have a lovely time at the ball after all that.

Gayle that is great news about the house.  I know you must wait a little longer to get in now but things invaribly happen for a reason and I am sure the nice new floor and new white goods will be appreciated once you get settled in.  I was thinking exactly the same as you when I popped on here last night - I couldn't believe how much reading I had to do.  In the end I had to do a really short post just to let eveyone know I was still around and then clear off to bed.

Sue your pictures are great.  I hadn't seen so many of them recently and now they are back with a vengence.  I am so glad you enjoyed SENSE as well on Friday.

Many of you know how busy I have been this summer with Becky's move and my still incomplete garage work.  Because of that I had convinced myself I was going to be looking forward to the dark nights for a rest.  As you would probably all have known it doesn't feel quite like that now itis upon me.  I am more rested but I am also slowing down enough to miss Chris very badly again.  For the time being I am going to settle for thinking about him a little more and pining but I will not let it take me too far down.  It is Toni's 23rd birthday on Friday so that probably isn't helping.  However, on a cheery note I am having all 3 kids and their partners round for lunch on Sunday.  Declan will be here as well.  It will be the first time some of them have met Becky's new boyfriend Hamish so I am looking forward to it.

I am going to post this so that I don't don't get hit too hard by the disappearing post problem - wish me luck! xxx

Result - it posted okay.

I got home earlier today as I had to collect Declan for Becky.  She is away for another one day training course in Reading.  I have Declan tonight and so I don't have to go to Bradford in the morning as I have to take him to the child minder and it will be too late to go by then.  I'm trying really hard not to sound too sad about that - hee hee!!  I will have to go in the afternoon so it will be another late one tomorrow evening but then Thursday is the last one for now.  That will be a long, late one but the last.

Helen I hope Nat is feeling a little better by now.  As you will know I past the 18 month mark on the 2nd Nov.  I was very well aware of the day from a while before hand but while ever I wanted to mark it for me and believe me I spent a lot of the day thinking of Chris, I also realised that I am no longer in that awful state of shock.  It just seemed really sad.  It seems so long and then no time at all.  I get upset if I can't figure out whether something happened before or after he died.  That sounds silly but it bothers me that he hasn't seen so many things.

Judi it is great that you are so settled in your new house.  I know exactly what you mean about having certain things that you wouldn't have had before.  It is fun to have those conversations with them when we change something.  I did all the decorating in our house.  Chris did the DIY.  I would never have done a girlie room or accessory.  That was just my choice as it seemed inappropriate.  I decorated the sitting room after Chris died last year and put up an acrylic light shade.  It has lots of acrylic flowers on it and I would never have put that up when Chris was around.  He wouldn't have minded if I had but I wouldn't have done it.  I smile now when I do things like that and have a good chat with him so it is all fun really.

Patricia I love the idea of Penguin Removals although I have sworn never to get involved with removals again after all Becky's moves.  I could supervise though!.  How has it been going shopping for the babies?

Fiona I hope Kim's husband is making progress.  It must be such a worry for you all.  Sending you lots of ((((((hugs))))))

Grace I think it was you who asked if anyone else found Friday's difficult.  I still struggle with them but it is nowhere near as bad as it was to begin with.  I used to have to stay up until after 1:30am on Saturday morning as that is when Chris died but now I can go to bed okay.  If I am going to be lonely over the weekend it is always on Friday evening.  If necessary I take myself off to bed as I am usually very tired on Fridays.  You won't always find Fridays so hard but it will take time unfortunately.

I've had a go with a skeleton gun this summer and I was pretty poor at it.  I will have another go though as I am determined to get better at this maintenance milarky.  My son is very good and comes straight round when I need help.  I like to try for myself though as I don't want to be completely dependant.

Well now that I have gone from one extreme to another with my post I should go and leave some space for someone else.  Sorry for the huge post but I missed coming on here and had a need to ramble.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx