My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

p.s. welcome back Auntie Judes.  Missed you loads and congratulations on the nice new shiny wireless laptop - I am impressed :)

Morning all , Just a quick one ,well done on all the clearing out Gayle , why couldnt the insurance company told you that earlier and you could have been doing a bit each day but so glad your back under your own roof and hugs to you and the boys ((hugs))) . Glad everthing went well at the hospital Amanda , and hope your treatment is kept at bay a lot longer . Welcome back Judes and Helen , missed you xx Fiona , hope your Son in law is feeling better now and hopefully its not as bad as they first thought . Aisa , hope these couple of weeks go fast for you and your back to working local again soon ..

 Having a bit of a nightmare week through things which are not in my control (dad, work ) but i live in hope for a calmer few days (((((( hugs to all )))))

Take care my penguins xxxx Lynne xxxxx

hello again all

Gald to hear that you have finally managed to get back into your house gayle, i hope sharing a bed with your son works out ok! I hope all those with health worries are finding answers, and Aisa i hope the commute is over soon, i always found a long comute the last thing you need in the dark evenings.

I am wobbling all over the place at the moment but trying to keep myself going, its a big weekend ahead. I am going 'home' to my parents this weekend, so for the first time in over a month i will be able to visit the cemetery where marks tree is. Never though i would be someone who visited cemeteries because i have always felt that the most important thing about a person is not what remains there, but i have felt a need to go and because Mark wanted to be taken to our home town i have been unable to visit, and thats been difficult. My parents go and my dad keeps me updated on the trees progress, it has turned bright red as it is supposed to in autumn and seems to be taking well to its new home. I just need to spend a little time there.

on a lighter and happier note the reason for this weekend is that it is the christening of my friends baby daughter and i am to become her godmother on sunday. A social occation that may get uncomfortable but I am so proud to be her godmother that I will get through it somehow and maybe enjoy bits of it. If I need a bit of space there are always toilets in the pub where we are going for a meal afterwards. I have a feeling it will be a rollercoaster of a weekend as I have promised to visit Marks parents on saturday which I always find difficult.

Next week my sister will be staying with me for a few days as a kind of half way house in her move back to our home town. It will be nice to have the company in the house but it is shorter then i first thought it would be, not good for me but good for her, the commute from leicester to oxford every day is a bit of a task. She deserves to be settled in her new home with her husband after the past few months we have all had. I just feel a little left behind remaining down here in the midlands.

Big Hugs to all those who need them right now

Becky

Evening  everyone xxx

Gayle glad the three amigos are back together and hope you re sorted properly soon.

Ailsa sorry to hear about your travelling, get your answer sorted quick xxx

Lynne nearly the weekend, hope next week is better for yoou.

Well Nat is home but really not well. She had sickness and diarrhoea the last day of her holiday and now she has a horrible throat infection/tonsilitis. She cant swallow and in loads of pain so feeling very sorry for herself. We had quite a disturbed night last night so hoping to sleep tonight.

Also I m getting my hall, stairs and landing decorated so house upside down but will be worth it. Then me and Nat are thinking of decorating and tiling the kitchen and breakfast room. I m on a mission!!! The house is getting it lol!!

Nothing planned for this weekend, G is working and actually looking forward to it. May change my mind by Saturday afternoon hee hee but we will see xx

Oh yes, I am all booked for Liverppol meet too!! Cant wait.

Bug higs to everyone that I have and havent mentioned

Lots of love Helen xxx

Hello my lovely Penguins.

Well I 'bit the bullett' this morning.  Up till now, if I need to wear anything I just iron it on the day, but this morning I got out the ironing basket (very very full) and sorted out all Martins clothes and put them in his wardrobe.  I have been dreading this.  Handling his clothes.  There were some tears, as would be normal, but I DID IT.  Another milestone done.  I don't know when the time will come  when I will have to make a decision about his possessions, but I know it will not be for a long time yet, but I also know I will know when the time is right. 

My next milestone will be Sunday.  My daughter, Jackie, and son-in-law, Keith. always have fireworks in his mums garden.  She makes a good spread and we watch the fireworks and it is usually a good night. Keith's mum lost her husband in April but is so brave in still putting on the show.  Though obviously Jackie and Keith will help her.  But it will feel so weird.  Without  Jimmy (Keiths dad) and Martin.  Another day thinking - last time we did this....- But I suppose there will be a lot of those times and I know I will get through them.  But it is so hard isn't it. 

Well I hope all you penguins are having a good day and are getting through your milestones.

Lots of love and (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

Pam xx

Evening everyone.  Is anyone going to a bonfire tonight?  If you are I hope it stays dry.  There seem to be loads of fireworks going off and outside smells of bonfire.  I am going to a bonfire tomorrow night.  Chris & I always went to the same big bonfire in the park in Barnsley but this year, for a change I have tickets for a smaller affair in a local village.  I think it will be better as last year all I could think about was how Chris had tried so hard the previous year to go to the bonfire as usual.  Because of his surgery his back was aching and we were both afraid he might slip down because it was wet & muddy.  We had to leave before the fireworks were set off and watch them as I drove home.  I think if I go to a different bonfire it might be more fun as it is not one Chris & I ever went to.  I am going with my neighbours who used to work with Chris and I am taking Declan while Becky visits friends.  I am looking forward to it which is a really good sign.  Beer tent and hot dogs - can't go wrong!

Well done Pam sorting Martin's clothes & putting them away.  I still have all Chris's clothes in his wardrobe and, like you, I assume I will know when the time is right to do something else with them.  For the time being they are doing no harm where they are.  I hope Sunday goes okay for you.  It will be hard but once you have done it I am sure you will be glad you did.

Gayle I am glad to hear you and the boys are back in your house.  It sounds like your day has been hard work so get some rest.  Lynne you sound as though you have had a difficult week as well so you need to rest up over the weekend as well.  Helen I hope Nat feels a whole lot better soon.  It is rotten to come home from holiday with a bug - yet another one who needs to rest!!!

I left for Bradford even earlier this morning but had a quick journey there and then had some breakfast and read a bit.  I think I will do that again next week and then perhaps the journey won't make me so mad.  It should only be another week and then back to normal.

Well I can't remember anything else that was posted so I hope that means there was nothing else!  Have a good evening everyone & a good weekend.  Ailsa xxx

Becky - congratulations on becoming godmother to your friends daughter on Sunday.  Strange you should say that about visiting cemeteries - I never thought I would be someone who would visit one.  However I get quite a lot of comfort visiting the cemetery where Chris is.  I prefer to go alone.  I usually go at least once a week still and sometimes I go twice.  It will be good for you to see how the tree is doing even though I am sure it will be a very emotional visit.  I hope your weekend goes very well.  It will be nice for you to see your sister as well next week.  I am going to stay with one of my sisters at the end of the month.  My other sister is joining us for the weekend and we are probably going to go to the comedy store together.  I am the eldest sister, eldest child in fact as I have 2 brothers as well and I always love it when the 3 of us sisters get together.  We never used to do it enough but a good thing that came from losing Chris was the other 2 feel they should get together with me more often now.

Well I should really go and get something done so take care again - Ailsa xxx

Ailsa, I hope ypu do enjoy the bonfire and fireworks. I am not keen on this night. Too many bangs. I do however like to watch the organised displays and as I live on the edge of the park, I only have to leave the house for about 40 minutes.  I have actually been home about 10 minutes. Had a bit of a weepy moment remembering days gone by  when Ray would have been with me and taking lots of pictures of the fireworks as they were set off. He loved black and white photography and took some impressive shots in his time. Unfortunately I am now in quite a melancholy mood.

Becky congratulations on being asked to be Godmother. How lovely but also how difficult for you. (((hugs))).

Helen, I hope Nat soon recovers.

Lynne, hopefully things will soon get a little better for you at work and that dad will soon feel a little better.

My daughter has just told me that a friend of theirs has been diagnosed with uterine cancer (aged 31). So young to be affected like this. She is now exploring the posibility of egg collection prior to treatment, in the hipes that she will at some point be able to have children (albeit by finding a suitable surrogate). Once again I thank God for my own children and my relatively good health.

Take care all. Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

my husband died in my arms in early september, and there isnt a day goes by when i dont cry my eyes out, just 4 short months from diagnosis and it hurts like hell.

he was such a fit active man and i still find it hard to accept he is gone.i feel so alone. does everyone feel like this or am i over sensitive?????

Hello Ginger1947,

You are not over-sensitive. I lost my husband on 12th September, 2 months ago on Sunday.

I wake up crying I go to sleep crying, I have done that everyday since his passing.

I think alone doesn't  begin to describe the loneliness we feel.

Kay