My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi everyone

Lynne well done on your walk and getting through yesterday xx

Rosemary i m fine, had a big sulk cause I couldnt get my own way last night but got over it today lol!! Know what you mean about the kids, my 2 just come and go now. I am noticing such a difference with them since exams. etc have finished.Thats why I ve decided more i have to live my own life and have my time. Without the sulking lol!!!

Sue hope you get throught the next days in Cornwall ok, thinking of you x

Gayle hope you re enjoying being back into work, think thats what I need really. I m going in tomorrow and Wednesday for a few hours before starting properly next week.

Just back from the Drs and done the dastardly deed!! So hopefully that s it for another 3 years lol

Awful weather here so going to do some ironing as son is off to Leeds festival on Wednesday. Forecast not good! He s still looking forward to it though.

Big hugs everyone

Helen xxx

Well after a really busy 3 days with my 17 month old grandson I've managed to get to the computer again --- <<<<<<< BIG HUGS >>>>>>>to all you penguins, hope your dad is doing ok Lynne + your back is better. Glad your wedding went ok Fiona I was dreading my sons last April but managed it .Nice to see you back Sue with those great pictures .I would have bb sat Gayle whats 1 more I can sympathise with the night duty Patricia + not getting enough sleep + love to those I've missed out as there seemed to be soooo many posts Had a bit of a wobble yesterday thinking why wasnt my mate here to enjoy his grandson --  -- take care all xx Lynda

Hi everyone.  Nice to have you back Sue even if it was for only a short time.  I hope everything goes well at your Mum's in Cornwall this week.  We will miss your apt pictures.

Patricia, how are you?  I hope you have managed to get some rest after the weekend at work.  I am not sleeping so well recently so I can really appreciate the mushy brain complaint.  I am so tired at work these past few weeks.  I need to try to rest more even if I don't actually sleep.

Hi Lynda.  Sounds like your grandson is keeping you really busy again.  They are so worth it though aren't they?

Helen - have you stopped sulking now?  I am joining you and Rosemary with the kid problems.  Everyone always thinks it is the little ones who are hard work but i think it is worse sometimes when they are bigger as they really should know better.  I have one treating me like a hotel right now as well and it is making me mad.  I'll get over it though.  I wouldn't be without them.

Fiona the wedding sounded so glamorous.  I am really glad you enjoyed it so much.

Lynne your walks sound like they are getting very serious now.  Have you lost anymore weight?  I am glad you got through the weekend in one piece.  Take care.

I think I might be joining the wobbly people this week.  I am so tired that I think it is that but I miss Chris so much I am finding the tears coming a little too easily since the weekend.  It stills feels a little like everyone is forgetting him and if I make a fuss about it I will look like a nutcase.  I am sure I will get over it soon.  I have a busy weekend planned as it is Declan's double digit birthday on Saturday and I am having a bit of a do for him on Sunday.  I had best get going as I can feel my eyes going.  Really looking forward to a meet - can't come soon enough.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Evening girls

Rosemary - get yourself into the middle of the huddle - no lurking on the edges or a corner of the ledge (you might fall off)!!!  You need some extra special (((hugs))) and attention - prickles and all!!!  We all have down times  - as you all reminded me not too long ago - and this road is too bumpy to travel without fellow penguins to huddle round you..............xx

Gayle - I wasn't prying about the procedure - but now I know I can say that friends who've had it done have not suffered at all!!  As I said before the worst stories are always the ones we find first.  So go with confidence and have faith in your doc.xx

Sue - wishing the time away for you - so that you will be back home again sooner than you expect.........xxxx

Talking of penguins - did you know that you have a famous one in your midst??  My Percy/Penelope has a range of cardmaking papers and stickers named after him/her.  I spotted them the other day in a craft shop!!!  They are really cute too!!!!!  Well - maybe it's just coincidence............but it tickled me............

To all my friends here that I've missed - I'm sending big comforting ((((hugs))))...........

Love and more (((hugs)))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi All, still really busy with work but am always thinking of you all... Looks like we are all a bit all over the place!

Poor Sue, stuck in Cornwall with no internet and no mobile - hope you are getting through it OK. xx

Rosemary and Helen, hugs to you both... no doubt I will have similar issues with H in the not to distant future (sigh). Gayle hope you feel a bit better after a day back in the office. xx

I'm glad to hear you made it through Gordon's birthday in one piece Lynne, was thinking of you all day. xx

And Dave, don't know if you still drop by but It's been a tough one for you today too... Big Hugs to you and anyone else I haven't mentioned. xx

I'm with you Ailsa just at the moment... I often feel like everyone is forgetting Miles. My MIL has just 'phoned me to ask how I got on on Friday (anniversary of Miles' diagnosis). Would have been nice if she had 'phoned on the day - but as she is the only one who has even mentioned it I suppose I should just be grateful!

I am expecting an emotional day tomorrow when H gets her exam results. She is stressing about them right now, but I am sure she will have done well. I'll try and let you know how she gets on!

Take care, much love, Manda xx

Evening all , Rosemary hun into the middle , you always give great support and we're all here for you now , i'll get the baileys xxx Lynda it sounds like your getting to know us all a little now , it wont take long , are you coming to any of the meets ? we need you on face book too then you can see what we have planned . My back is fine now , it was only sore a few days really and dad is doing okish , his mouth is looking better everyday , once he has the stitches oot on friday we should know more as to if things are getting any easier for him . Ailsa , you still sound so busy , hope the "hotel " situation settles down . No i haven't lost any more weigh but i feel so much better fo the exersise and i am sleeping better . Hopefully the weight will start coming off again soon as i am watching what i eat too , think i need to watch what i drink too lol ..Gayle and Helen sending you both a hug and i would have thrown a wobbly to Helen lol xx Dottee , have you finished with alll the work now , i'm still waiting for the electrtions , to come before i can do the rest of the work i've got planned , getting a bit impatient now . Glad you enjoyed the wedding Fiona and sending a hug for the funeral on friday , hope you manage ok with all the traveling on the day .. Hugs to Dave as its a paticularly bad day for him too . xx Good luck to H tommorow Amanda , i know she'll do you proud , i'm ready with the tissues hun xx

 Love and hugs to everybody else too 

Take care all Lynne xxxx

Evening everyone. 

Pouring with rain here, but I have a feeling that for a change it ain't just me up here!  Oh Ailsa and Rosemary .. and of course anyone else that has similar issues/thoughts/'stuff' - although I am very aware that you only ever hear 'good stuff' about Boy from me, but I am even more acutely aware that that is because he lives 140 miles away and that makes it oh so much easier to ignore the 'thoughtlessness" that goes on inside childrens' heads!  And I do believe that is is just thoughtlessness and nothing more.  I find both my SDs and Boy can be incredibly self-absorbed and never seem to take on board what is going on around them or others are dealing with.  I think the modern word is 'focused' ..... am sure it was just 'selfish' when I was young!  Having said that I am sure that in my case a lot of the time I am to blame.  Since Ed was even diagnosed all I did was try and make life as smooth as was possible for them all.  And now I just want to encourage them to carry on and do all and be all they can be ...... and then I wonder why they don't 'get it' and am astounded how they can possibly behave as if life is normal !!!!!  There is no pleasing me.  I think that our 'little ones' are so secure in our love for them that they forget how very precious that love is!

Patricia it sounded as if you had a nightmare shift over the weekend .... just as well you have your hula hoop and your visions of a pink veloured Lynne to keep you going!  Mrs North, if I wore one I would take my hat off to you - how amazing are you with all your self-dicipline, well done Mrs. 

Manda, only a few hours til H's results, I have complete faith that she will do you and Miley proud, massive hugs hun.  I know the next few weeks are not going to be easy for you and will be thinking of you loads.   Lynda, you sound like the perfect granny!  So glad that you have your lovely grandson to keep you smiling - and I hope I am right in saying that you sound as if your health is getting a bit better. 

Fiona, Fiona, Fiona .... get you and your 'funcie (don't worry - Fiona will get the pronunciation!) wedding!  Sounded wonderful.  All the best for Friday hun.  Hope Kim is not to upset having to go back to work.  How is Darren?

So does anyone know .... has Sue got her phone .... is it in Cornwall ........ has she found her marbles yet .... because I am pretty sure she has lost them!!!  Only joking Sue, hope that your trip goes ok and we will look forward to having you back with us ((((((   ))))))

A sulky Helen .... whatever next?????  Glad to know that you are not moving on to tantrums too Helen!  The advert with the mum in the supermarket throwing herself to the floor and kicking her feet is one of my favourites .... I will now see you as that lady Helen!

Gayle my little Munchkin - hope that you have stopped your brain whizzing round at 100 miles an hour .... I am sure that if that is what has been suggested then it will help - just think of how well you might feel, and no more ongoing problems. 

Last night I was bullied into sorting out the eaves - and although I did a lot of mumphing and humphing and my flat now finally looks like somone is moving out .... yes, ok - a right mess - I do finally feel that a start has been made (not that I did anything this evening ..... can't appear too keen now can I or I will stop getting help!!

Am off to take the mutts round the block.  Kat is now limping (the leg that was hurt) - she wasn't limping for the first week or two .... and oddly enough only limps on the first leg of the walk - as soon as we are heading in the direction of home it disappears and she speeds up and starts trotting like a made thing!  She never has been a great fan of walks!!

Night night all - Judi xx

I am crazy I know but I have decided to do a 5 mile walk in aid of St.Gemma's hospice, Leeds where my dear Ray spent his last days. It takes place the day before his birthday so will be an emotional event. I have set up a fundraising page and have asked several people to sponsor me (not something I generally do on my own behalf). If anyone is interested  My fundraising page address:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/PatriciaHill.

I appreciate that money is tight and I should not be so cheeky as to ask but I am. So there. lol.

Take care all. I am in work again tonight so fingers crossed it will be a good one.

Judi, keep on packing. You'll get there.  Fiona, I hope you get through Friday ok. Gayle, don't work too hard. Rosemary, things will get better I am sure. Manda, congratulations on daughter's results whoop whoop. Lynne, I hope you are not overdoing the jogging.

Brain has died now so everyone else take care and have a fun day tomorrow if you can.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening everyone.  That is a great idea to do the walk the day before Ray's birthday Patricia.  It is really good to have a target and a reason to push yourself a bit.  I hope tonights shift is uneventful unless it is something really nice that happens - like a grateful patient by any chance!?

Well done getting started on the packing Judi.  I am not so mad with my kids today! I knew it wouldn't last.  Becky is being a little more company today.  I have spoken to Stu on the phone and I will be speaking to Toni later so I don't feel quite so neglected and needy now.  That is so funny that Kat develops a sympathy limp.  A friend of mine used to have a small dog that limped whenever it knew it had done something wrong.  You just couldn't tell it off for laughing.

Well done to Nat & H today.  It sounds like they have both done very well in their GCSEs.  I'll bet helen & manda are so proud.

I am back on with the garage tonight after a few days break.  Should finish sealing the floor tonight and then finish painting the floor tomorrow evening.  That feels really good as it is a job completely finished - maybe the end is in sight.  I am taking next Tuesday off work so that I can have Monday & Tuesday on painting.  Lynne I am glad to hear that your Dad is still recovering.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

What happens now is that you go on living - because that is what he would want.  I'm not saying it will be easy - fact is there are probably many times during every day when you don't want to go on living.  But you have your 3 children - and they are part of him - he made them with you - so he has left you a gift beyond compare,  Look at them and see his face, touch them and feel his embrace, kiss them goodnight and tuck them in bed, then go to your own and remember what he said ..... I love you.  And you know Ailsa?  He always will.

Now you have to find strength, the strength you had when he was by your side and you felt invincible because he was there with you, plus the strength he had himself.  His strength and yours will make you strong, very strong - and you will cope.

I lost my lovely John on 28th April, the day before his birthday.  He was a wonderful man and I loved him.  I don't know how I'm getting through each day - I just am.  And he is with me, encouraging me to embrace my new life and to be happy - because he would not want me to be sad.  

This is a terrible time - but there are many like us.  Try to be strong - we are all here for each other.  Take care.

Janie - East Anglia, UK