My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Good evening to all -- Spent a boring few hours on an induction course at the hospital today -- had unfortunately heard it all before when we had our courses when I was at work ,health + safety , what to do in the event of a fire, confidentiality etc So sorry to read about your problems Lynne,do hope u + your dad get better soon -- also hope everyone else is well --I'm still trying to sort out who u all are from your pennames etc I got my lights sorted yesterday thank goodness -- my friends hubby got me a new switch + bingo working again for a while now fingers crossed. Love + hugs to all xx Lynda

Evening - but goodness - I will have to ensure I read twice a day, so many posts - great to read but lots to take in!   Thanks for the welcome though.  Lynne I hope your back eases quickly - certainly not good timing when you have your dad to think about just now.  Off to re-read and to check up on FB - take care, M xx

Morning everyone

Lynne you go easy, look after that back and hope your Dad is feeling better xx I see you ve booked your London tickets, I need to do my Scotland ones so need some help. Will text your or Gayle xxx

Gayle lovely pics of the boys, they look so cheeky!! Hope you re ok this week x

Judi sorry to hear you ve been off line and also poorly, know what you mean about the `woe is me` lol!!! No fun looking after yourself when you re poorly xxx Like your theory on the wobbles, I think I do keep testing the water and stepping back. Sooo hard!!!

Mandy we do chat on here lol!!! Can take ages to catch up some days xxx Lynda glad you got your lights sorted x

Manda hope you re still feeling calm today after your wobble, even with your early morning xxx

Fiona so sorry to hear about your aunt xxx hope you have a lovely time at the wedding x

Well I had a lovely few days in the Lakes, the cottage was lovely as was the views and the company. I got home and realised I hadnt felt as relaxed and `looked after` as I did this week for a long time. I didnt make any decisions (which is usually difficult for me as I like to be in control!!!) , got completely spoilt and just went with the flow. I did have one wobble in Keswick as Paul and I stayed there a month before he died courtesy of the lovely girls I work with and when we drove past the hotel I felt the tears coming!!! Composed myself while bf went to get the parking ticket but when I told him later I think he thinks he has a complete emotional wreck on his hadns lol!!! but we sorted it, I think!!! he he xx

Anyway big hugs to everyone, just keep swimming!!!!

Helen xxx

Hi everyone.  Oh I have missed you all this week!  Lots of ((((((((hugs)))))))) to you all for being here when I got back on.

I have been reading all about what everyone has been up to and made notes but there are so many notes it hardly helps haha!

Lynne I am glad to hear your back is improving.  Just take care of it now - it has taken me a year to get my back something like after ignoring the problem while Chris was ill.  I am glad to see your Dad got his procedure on Tuesday and is doing alright at home.  I hope his spirits are still up today.

Helen, Manda, Lesley, Gayle looks like you have all had good breaks.  I have organised to see a few family members when I am up in Scotland for the JE show in September.  I think it will be a much welcome break from my far to hectic life.  Gayle I am sure Wully was letting you know he was there for all the right reasons when you were on holiday.  I am so pleased your M & D seem to be coming round to your BF.  How was Jamie's birthday today?  Is he enjoying school?

Sounds like you all had a good time in Manchester at the weekend.  I am looking forward to meeting a few more penguins at our October meets.  I am driving to the London one on the Friday so I don't need any trains but I probably need to look at the Glasgow one.

Dot I was sorry to read you had a difficult time at the weekend - you really should feel free to rant whenever you want on here if it helps.  I hope you are getting your crafty bits sorted - you have just reminded me that I have a card to do for my nephew tonight.

Going to post in case I lose it xxx

Back again - well done Lynda getting that switch sorted out.  I have ended up in tears more than once while I am doing all this work on my garage because Chris isn't here to help with the DIY - it is so frustrating and I feel so stupid sometimes.

Bren the whales sound wonderful.  I would love to see them.  It sounds like you are in some spectacular country on your trip to Newfoundland.  It all seems to be so relaxing as well.

Judi how are you now?  Are you feeling recovered?  That storage melarky is a good idea.  Becky has some storage and we have managed to get the contents of 2 van trips and a car load into it so far.  One more trip to do straight into storage and then one into the house.  Then I have to go down with a bigger van to collect the big things.  I will be so glad when it is all done.  Should be finished by mid-October.

Fiona I was sorry to read the sad news about your Aunty Isobel.  That must have been very hard for your Dad.  Are you all set for the wedding tomorrow.  I hope we get to see some pics of your outfit afterwards.

Well done Patricia for encouraging Rosemary to do a speech at Sam's wedding.  I'm sure you will have lots of tips for Rosemary.  Rosemary you will find hidden strengths for all the right reasons.  I hope you manage to get your hat and outfit matched up - you will look really nice no matter what.  Linda was here on Monday and measured up for the window.  She showed me the full size drawing of the window as well.  I feel so priveleged that Linda is doing this for me.  She thought it may be ready in 4 to 6 weeks.  Has any progress been made sorting out your FILs pain.  I am relieved that he can get some relief when he lies down.  I bet he loved seeing the bridesmaid dress.

Mandy you will soon figure us all out and it will help when you have met a few more of us.  I realy hope that Lynda & Sue are able to meet up.

Janice, Manda, lovely to hear from you as well.  Well I think I have just about caught up.  I am going to have to go as I am taking Declan to Clumber Park tomorrow afternnon until Saturday to see an 80s concert with Rick Astley etc.  I need to get packed and go and get Dec some picnic.  Now I have caught up I will try to pop on before bed to keep up this time.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Welcome back Ailsa. I feel worn out just reading about what you have done and still ahve to do.

Glad you enjoyed tghe 'lakes' Helen. I have never been there but hear it is a wonderful area.

Fiona, I hope you manage to enjoy the wedding x x

Love and angel hugs to everyone x x x Patricia x x x

Evening everyone,

Lynne, hope your back is still improving and you are taking it a bit easier.  Ailsa & Helen, so good to have you back.  Was just wondering where you were Ailsa.  Hope you have a great day with Declan tomorrow and get the weather for it.  Helen, glad you had a nice time apart from your wobble but it was totally understandable and well done to Liam xx  Lynda, glad you got the DIY sorted.  I never have too much problem with that as I usually did it all myself and Wully was extremely ill for at least a year before he died so I didn't have much choice as he couldn't do anything.  I get my dad in for some things but its usually the things I am too lazy to do - not because I can't :-)   Enjoy the wedding Fiona.

I've had a busy week as per usual although I am not complaining.  I don't work on Fridays so looking forward to being very lazy tomorrow.  Jamie started school on Tuesday and I thought I was going to be okay but the 3 of us ended up in tears and  I felt quite low when I got home but my boyfriend phoned me straight away to see how it went and that made me feel much better.  Knowing that someone cares about us and had even the sense to know that it would be a tough day for us was very touching.  Although when he got home Jamie announced it was the best day ever and loves being in primary 2.  It was his birthday today and we did all right.  I have had my moments but I think it is a mixture of different things just all came out today.  I went to look at my new house again today and had a bit of a wobble as it is a terraced house and I am moving from a farm with no neighbours.  I know it will take me a while to adjust and I know its the right move but I just had one of those moments where I questioned whether I was doing the right thing.  I feel okay now as my friend was over with her little girl but I am sure I will probably be moping at the weekend :-(  My sister's IVF never worked.  We found out last week when we were on holiday and she has been doing okay.  She is now just focusing on trying again.  However I am fizzing with her lol.  She is a funny person and we frequently have up and downs.  A few weeks ago I was invited to a party on Saturday night as it is my friends birthday.  I knew my mum and dad would be away on holiday so I asked my sister if she would babysit which she said she probably would unless they went away on holiday (she is off work for 2 weeks).  I phoned her a couple of days ago to check and she says no we aren't go on holiday so I asked if she was still okay to babysit and she said no.  I could understand if she said she didn't feel like it because she was down or if she had plans but she just said no because we might go out but don't know yet.  She is always making comments about me having a social life and going out and I think to be honest she is just doing it because she knows she can.  I know I probably sound like a spoilt child but she has been doing things like this for so long now and before when she did it I stopped asking her to babysit because I felt she didn't want to and it was a chore and she pulled me up for it!  I know now that again I will stop asking her.  So I will be sitting in all weekend and feeling a bit sorry for myself about it although the only bonus is that the x factor starts up again this weekend :-)  On a positive note I have another viewer for my caravan coming on Sunday so fingers crossed I will finally get rid of it and get a nice cheque.

Anyway, I'm off for an early night tonight.  Was up at 6 this morning so I am shattered.  Love and hugs to all the penguins old and new.

Gayle xxx

Evening All, hope you are all ok tonight wellost of you will be tucked up on bed, I seem to be getting later and later every night. Well I am all ready for the wedding, there is 300 hundred guests a gospel choir singing in the cathedral and a few bands playing at night so should be good I will fill you all in when I get back. It looks like my aunts funeral will be on Thurs so we are just going down and back on same day think train best option. Well I better get off to bed. Sending you all big hugs. Fiona xxxxx

Gayle, it is strange when the wee ones are b ack to school isn't it. I don't know about you but during the holidays I used to think they were off for way too long but as soon as they had to go back I missed them like crazy (contrary or what? lol). Such a shame I don't live closer, I would have willingly looked after the boys for you. Maybe your sister is feeling 'precious because the IVF failed therefore making her act so oddly. Just a thought. x x x I hope you enjoy your Friday x x

Fiona, I hope you have a fun time at the wedding. Next week will be difficult for you all but hopefully you will get thtough it ok. Will your dad be going with you to the funeral? Take care hun x x

Lynne, how is your back hun? I hope it is a little better today. Is your dad doing ok? It must be so hard for him having to go through all these ops.

I spent the afternoon with my MIL. We went to Knaresborough and had a picnic in the castle grounds. It was a lovely afternoon and a couple who were out with their dog stopped to chat. I have been out with my youngest son this evening. An impromptu invite to go listen to a family friend who's Jazz band was playing at a pub in town (they play every Thursday but I only go occassionally to listen). It was a great evening as a lot of young people from the Leeds Youth Jazz Orchestra were there celebrating their A level results. Lots of new young talent which Brendan loves to showcase. There was an amazing trombone player and trumpet player. The alto saxophonist was abit tentative at first but once he relaxed into it he was fine and I suspect will be very good as time goes on. There was also a younbg girl who sang (can't remember the name of the song just that 'angel' was in the title). She has a very good voice for jazz songs. Anyway, I enjoyed myself and it was way better than sitting home alone.

Well Penguins, I hope you all have a good Friday. Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Morning everyone

Wet horrible morning here and my BF is away camping with his son, glad I chose the cottage option lol!!!

Patricia so glad you had a good night out, sounds great.

Ailsa enjoy Rick Astley with Declan too.

Gayle I hope you manage to sort something to get to your party.

I m off to the hospital this afternoon to finally have the cheque presenation from Pauls fundraising night and hopefully photos with the paper. They said they cant guarantee the paper will turn up but I m sure if we take our own and send it in they will publish it. Liam and Nat are coming too, if they get up after their celebrations last night Lol!! Very mixed emotions after Liam got his results, at first he thought he hadnt got his first choice of uni but later realised he had so he is off to Newcastle in 2011 after a gap year of some travelling and working. I had lots of tears too wishing Paul was here to celebrate. Poor Father in law came mid cry and I set him off too!! Felt awful, poor thing xx We both had a hug and a cry xxx

I m out tonight, going to watch a friends daughter singing in town. We re all about music this week arent we lol!!

Have a good day everyone

Helen xxx