My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Happy birthday Sue.  I was just on facebook and it sounds like you have had a lovely day - that's great.  Ailsa xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    How posh am I   !!   This is the exact spot where we took afternoon tea today (except that it was afternoon coffee, as I don't drink tea!)  and yes, the waiters dress like that  and no, Lynne, I didn't drop anything! Well, actually, I did - I dropped a big blob of cream on to Alice's shoe, you would have been proud of me!

    Thanks,  penguins, for all the mesages on FB - made me feel quite special!

    sue xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Sue that place looks way too posh for me.  I am so glad you had a lovely time.  Happy birthday x x x

    Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Sue Dahling, how absolutely beautiful, almost as post as me dahling and my country club don't you know!  A jolly happy birthday my dear!  Woops, mind the cream here comes another blob - Oi Jeeves, sort this will you mate?

    Bum, was reading your posts and getting ready to reply and my best mate on the Isle of Wight (not Dave but Val, although Dave is obviously my best penguin on the Isle of Wight) rang and then I saw Sue's picture and now I've forgotten everything.  Ummmm, yes Patricia we can buy outfits together my sweet, I love trying on lots of different things.  Ailsa how lovely that Becky and Declan will be settling where they want AND so close to you (are you impressed with the memory marbles here?), glad you and Linda are going to be able to tie up on the "round window" soon it will be a very emotional moment when that finally goes into place, I'll have a large Baileys and a secure place on the ledge for you that night.  Ok memory marbles have now deserted me so lots of love and hugs to you all, we had the mexican chimney going earlier so I will stoke it up and get the coffee going and wait for you all to arrive..... night night my sweets, love you lots, sleep well xxxxxxxxx (That is for ALL of you, yes you newbies too, just follow the signs to "The Ledge" and snuggle in, if you feel like you're slipping just hold tight to the sparkly rope and we'll keep you safe xxx)

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    PS Yes Patricia completely mad, I will be swimmng for England just to get my money's worth!  Glad you had a good holiday and you are really brave driving all that way on your own and I didn't mind a bit geting your texts, I'm glad you thought of me when you needed a penguin. 

    Lynne ... oh bum what was I going to say to Lynne?????

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Oh yes, hugs to you and your crew mate.  We'll be ok, we just keep remembering how lucky we were to have had Bex all those years and how wonderful he has been with Samantha, he did so much to get her through after her car accident and in fact possibly even kept her with us when she "saw the white light" as she doesn't know if it was a dream but she remembers she was riding Beckham and going towards the sun when she felt she had to turn back as she couldn't leave her boyfriend (now ex) to carry on alone, so Beckham brought her back.  Bless him he's now grazing the fields and nuzzling Judi's little Poppy and taking Sam's love to her dad.  Will see if I can put some pics of him on here, although you may have seen him, or can do via my FB if you go to "Sam Brands-to-be" and view her photo's.

    Toodles again xxxxxxxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    PPS first post for Sue should say how POSH I am not POST doh!!!! Must be the accent do you think?

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    honey, have you started on the Baileys a bit earlier than usual tonight?    xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    I want what Rosemarys drinking lol !!!!!.. Sue i'm so glad you had a good birthday and so so pleased that you only dropped the cream , god only knows what havoc i would have caused lol .

    Patricia , welcome back , missed your hugs Gayle text me this morning ot say she's arrived safely and wants me to say hi to your all from her so HIIII everybody form Gayle .

     I've been on a 8 mile walk today with a friend , didn;t know it was 8 miles round the lake when we started but all i can  say is , i'm not going jogging tommorow now done my share today . hugs to all ..

    Take care

    Lynne xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Well done on your 8 miler Lynne. surely you can manage tomorrow too?? (says she who is totally wiped out) lol.

    I hope Gayle has a great holiday and comes back nice and relaxed.

    Rosemary, I need a rest before I set off to your place for our shopping trip (only joking). lol.

    Take care all. Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x