My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning all ,

Ailsa my broadband came through yesterday but my activation day is next fri but as i need my daughter to help me set it up , it will be next sunday when its connected , but since i cancelled my dongle and ordered the B/B ,my internet has been much better , isn't that just the way it happens but i'm glad i've ordered the B/B as i'm sure its more reliable .

I can only echo what the otheres have said to our New ladies , i really dont envy you all going through the early days , i shudder at the thought but i can only say the "goodish " days do get more and the downers get less , in saying that i had a major melt down at the church yard on wed . I hadn't been for a couple of days had i'd spent all my time on the phone trying to sort the internet out and so when i went wed i think everything just built up inside me and it had got to come out , i dont think i've cried like that since the anniversary , but i did feel better afterwards , dam this roller coaster .

  Well Helen is in her first class carriage now on her way to london and Gayle should be on her way to having a good holiday with no ash cloud this time . Hope everybody has good plans for the weekend . Me i am going to clean the patio (eventually ) think i'm going out later with friends and going out for lunch tommorow , so not bad to say i had no plans at all yesterday morning , its amazing what F/B can do lol .

Fiona i hope your dad is feeling a little better now , and Rosemary hugs to you and Sam , i cant begin to imagine what your going through .I was telling my crew mate what had happened to beckham and she was in tears has she too has Bessie who she had had for quite a few years  so she knows how attached you are to them . .Anyway must get the cleaning stuff out . My son is coming later to finish the kitchen floor ,  so then it will be finished Yipeee .

Hugs to all

 Take care

 Lynne xxxx

Yippee it posted xxx

Hi all

Dottee sent the sun up to Scotland today so Fiona and I have had some rays, thanks Dottee!

Had the strangest morning.  After walking the dogs I decided for the first time in months and months to go back to bed for an hour or so.  Not because I was tired or anything, I don't know why really. 

But I had a dream, a full and calm dream.  I don't want upset anyone or anything but I don't think I will tell anyone here about it so want to just get it down in case I forget.  Although I don't remember it all clearly now,  Ed came back, and in the way that dreams can make sense at the time, it all did.  In the dream we knew that it was 'odd' that he came back and (bizarrely) were talking about how this could be explained to everyone.  But it was lovely, not scary, not sad, just calm.  I remember thinking that I would have to tell him that I had sold the flat and bought a wee house, but we were just so glad to see each other and then other people came into the dream and were so pleased to see him.  We talked a lot about what had happened and how we had coped etc and then gradually we both realised that he was just back for one day, just to let me know that he was always watching and with me.  And (I know this sounds a bit odd) I realised that I didn't need to tell him about the flat because he wouldn't be here long enough for it to make a difference - but even that was ok ... I don't know why.  There were lots of people (some old friends but some new ones that he never met, but he knew them) all sitting happily talking and so glad that 'the world was as it should be' and then Ed told me it was 'time' and we slipped away from the party. 

I woke up and was quite disorientated for a while but very calm and had a sense of completeness.  A little while after I started to feel quite uneasy, but realised that in fact I was doing that to myself and I should just accept my dream as a lovely few hours. 

I took Ed some sunflowers this afternoon and said thank you for letting me know everything I was doing was ok. 

So ladies, I don't know what it was all about, but it was quite the most comforting thing.

And seeing as it is me ................ and you know that there is always a 'twist' ......... could someone tell me why there was a VERY smart red sports car in the garage in my dream.  And why was I not concerened about telling Ed about that!!!

Loads of love - Judi xxx

Oh Judi , your posts always either leave me in stitches or tears . Guess which one today xxx But thats ok i'm so pleased for you . lovely lovely dream xx I want  ride in the sports car please xxxx

oh, Judes, that surely was a message from Ed. How wonderful to have that experience, and that all was calm. 

huge hugs for you.

Sue xx

   xxxx

That is the most wonderful thing Judi, bless Ed for coming back to you that way and yes we could explain it away but why would we, Ed came to put your mind at rest and you are right to accept it and take the feeling of calm and peace that came too - oh and the red sports car of course!  I'm so happy for you, incredibley jealous of course but it's not something that we can make happen and it's lovely that it did for you, hugs, kisses, tears and smiles xxxxxx

Had such an up and down day today, firstly Sam went to try another horse and he was lovely, she needed to do it and thought it was what she wanted but then broke down and fell apart big time and has now decided that she is taking a complete break from horses.  I think it is a good idea, I often think that people rush into getting another horse for various reasons but don;t give themselves enough time to grieve and mourn the loss of their best friend and partner that Beckham was to Sam.  So having got through that we then went into town to look for bridesmaids dresses and..... bought a wedding dress.  Oh she looked beautiful, lump in throat, tingles all over beautiful and it is so the right dress for her and nothing like the style she thought she wanted.  We then went to look at a new leisure club nearby as I wanted to see the swimming facilities and Sam wants a gym we both would like a spa and this place has the lot.... we ended up signing up and I have a blooming gym induction in two weeks! 

Having been overwhelmed by Judi's post I will now go back and read everyone elses news, will try and pop back later, lots of love to you all xxxxxxxxx

Judi I was very moved by your dream. How lovely that Ed came to you in such a way. I am so pleased for you that you find it so comforting. As for the sports car, maybe that is another sign.  I can't think it would be much use to you though for taking the dogs out and about lol.

Rosemary, if I come shopping with you will you buy me a new outfit too??? lol.  How lovely that Sam has found the dress she wants. One more thing to tick off the list. Signing up for a leisure club eh?? are you completely mad??. Now you will have to do some exercise otherwise you will be wasting money.

Sue, you are amazing at finding these fab pics.  Sending you hugs because I know you need them x x

Fiona, Lynne how are your dad's doing??

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Judi, just like Patricia I am so moved by your dream.  It is the loveliest thing to happen.  I read your post last night and just had no words.  I am so pleased that Ed showed you he is watching out for you like that.  Have to say I also feel a little like Rosemary and know that we can't have dreams to order.  It is nice to think that that can happen.  I have been wanting to dream of Chris but also been slightly concerned what effect it might have on me.  Your post shows just how comforting it might be to dream so i feel much more at ease about the prospect now - thank you for sharing it.

Sue - how do you keep finding the perfect picture?  They are uncanny.

Rosemary very well done for joining the leisure club - good luck with it.  It is nice that you got Sam;s wedding dress when you weren't planning to.  That must be the best way to do that.  One less thing to think about.

Declan comes home this afternoon.  I'm looking forward to seeing him.  Becky & Declan have a house to go to from the end of September so that is something off our list.  It is in the village that was top of Becky's list and she plans to stay there for at least 2 years while she saves the money to buy her own place.  You know what that means - I get a break from helping her move for a bit after September!!  However I know Becky of old so lets just wait and see!

Hope everyone has a nice day.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Happy Birthday my dear friend, have a fab day.
Lots of love and (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
Quill xxxxxxx