My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Good morning everyone

Wet horrible day here!! I m off to work at 10!! Yes on my hols too lol. 1st of 4 days I m doing over the summer to meet everyone and get used to routines, etc. I m in the 2 and 3 year olds today which will be lovely. 1st day nerves kicking in though, mad eh?

Rosemary hope you and Sam managed some sleep last night. And Lynne hope you get your lappy sorted later.

I have put that I am definitely going to Manchester meet now so look forward to that. When is Manda back? Hope she s had a lovely holiday xx

Gayle hope you caught up on some sleep before your busy weekend and hols. Have a great time.

Better go and finish getting ready, have a great day everyone

Helen xxx

helen, you will be brilliant.  they are lucky to have you - remember, thay need you more than you need them

Good luck - have a fab day

Sue xx

Hi All just a quiick one as i'm at my daughters using her internet , it seems its my internet connection thats at fault so i'm trying to get broad band sorted pretty dam quick , i really am missing reading the posts and answering its not the same when i have a limited time .

 Amanda has text me today to say she cant get on the internet whilst she's in Cadiz and would i pass her love on to you all , seems like its not only me that misses you all if i'm not doing regular posts (and reading )

 Helen , hope you've had a good day , and thanks for the chat last night , i'm like a demented women without the internet (cue Sue .. Picture please )Gayle , hope you've managed to get some sleep i'll text you later hun . Judi thanks for the text last night it really cheered me up xx Hugs to all , hopefully i'll be posting properly again soon or i'll just move in with my daughter lol , or one of you ... or anybody with a internet connection , any offers ????

Take care

 Lynnex

come live with me, Lynne xx

 xx

Yippeeee on my way Sue . Put that kettle on xxxxxx

Come on over Lynne

Evening penguins xxx

Lynne so glad you know the problem now!!! Missed you too xxx Enjoy your jog tonight xxx

Sue thanks for your thoughts, I had a great day!! Lovely staff and children x Really excited about starting x Had a friend round who I used to work with comparing notes and she has made me feel so much better too! I just worry too much, its all there in my head just need to believe in myself again. Paul would be telling me I know so need to believe in myself xxx

Had a few glasses of wine while we talked paperwork so had a nice evening.

Didnt sleep very well last night with all the thoughts going round my head so hopefully will be more successful tonight.

Love to all

Helen xxx

Thanks Bren . I'll book my plane ticket . The lap top does seem a little quicker tonight , i'm hoping what ever the tech support did to it might have helped before i get the broad band in . When i was at my daughters i had to connect to her internet and then tech support took over my machine , thats when he told me it was the connection that had been causing the problem . I'm going to try and catch up with some posts whilst its still working . Usually when i try and go back a page it dissapears so i'm hoping the connection is strong enough tonight to let me catch up . Thanks Helen , i did enjoy the jog , i did 2 circuits of the park but a lot was power walking too . Think i need some wine too .. Fingers crossed that this posts now xxxxx

I hope you are up on your internet now Lynne, I would be lost without mine.  Helen great news that the job went well.  That is such a fun age to work with.  I love my little ones who start at age 4 but sometimes the 14 year olds can drive us all crazy.

I am enjoying being alone for a little bit.  Trying to organize this house and making a huge mess as I get distracted and don't finish what I started.  I have twin bookcase headboards that I am giving to a friend for her daughters and thought I would give her one of Dan's bureaus as well as I do not really need all that furniture in this cluttered house.  So I emptyed the bureau yesterday, felt fine.  It must be time to start moving out his clothes.  Most of them will go to charity.  

It is so very hot and humid here, not good for walking the poor puppy but the air conditioning keeps me in the house and I hope to make a bit more progress today.  We were going to visit a friend with a huge dog so they could play and we could visit but it is a bit hot for them to be outside running around.  I will see how the afternoon goes.  I have a few friends who want to meet for lunch or coffee so I am not short of people to see if I want to.   I have also been able to read again, read two books while in Gaspe, it has been a very long time since I was able to focus so I guess I am starting to heal.  I do know the black hole is just waiting for me to fall into but hope to get through Saturday and beyond.

love to all

Bren

Hi everyone.  Rosemary how are you? I hope you are doing okay.  Helen I'm so glad your first day with your new job went so well.  You are doing brilliantly dealing with your confidence.  Paul would be so proud.  I took a step down in my job when Chris died last year.  I really was not up to the responsibility that went with the job I was doing at the time.  I have noticed recently that I am getting increasing frustrated at the lack of responsibility now so maybe I will be ready to try something new soon - who knows.  I know Chris would want me to try.  He was very ambitious for us both.  Until we realised he was going to die he wanted me to take my redundancy package and go off and try something new.  Maybe next year.

How are you doing getting the internet connection sorted out Lynne?  I would hate to not be able to get on here and chat with you all.  I don't like it when I miss a day as it is often when someone has some news.  While Becky & Declan are away I have been trying to get lots of housework done and last night I went out for a few hours to a rock n roll dance class.  I was horrified a few weeks ago to realise I appeared to have forgotten how to dance.  I would normally take to an empty dance floor given half a chance.  I seemed to have completely lost my nerve.  Last night was a lot of fun and we will go again so at least I have my dancing feet back.  I'm impressed that you are still jogging.  Between swimming, dnacing, jogging and gyming (is that a word?) we will all be fit as flees.

Bren you did really well emptying Dan's bureau as well the bookcases.  I am glad you were able to do it.  Like you say maybe a bit of healing is happening.  I think it probably is for me as well but I still don't seem to be able to pass many of Chris's belongings on yet.  I still have nearly everything of his including most of his clothes.  I suppose I will know when I am ready as I won't shy away from the task anymore.

Phase whatever number is about to start tomorrow on the garage work.  I have had a week or so with nothing much happening so I have organised the double glazing people to come and change the plain glass for privacy glass next Friday.  The plumber is coming on Monday to take the old sink out in what will be the downstairs loo.  That will mean I can paint and tile ready for him to put the new sink and toilet in in a couple of weeks.  Today I heard that the round window frame is ready so I am picking it up on the way home from work tomorrow afternoon and the builder is going to come straight round and fit it for me.  I need to speed up a bit with the painting so I have Monday off to let the plumber in and get some of it done.  It is almost a pity I am away at Beckys again next weekend so things will stop again.  At least they will be progressing with her move though.

Gayle I hope you are all but ready for your holiday now.  You sound too busy to sleep so you just take care of yourself.  Take care everyone else as well.  Ailsa xxx