My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Rosemary I hope you have had fun with the decorating today. I wish my motivation would return  long enough for me to get on and do some too.

Lynne, glad to see you have return to us almost in one piece. I am pleased to hear that you had a good time. 

I hope that all you other penguins have had  a reasonable day.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi to all the posters here -- I may get to fathom u all out soon -- managed to get through today with just a few tears -- had 2 of my sons with me + the other son rang from china  where he works. We had lunch out + then chased my 16 mnth old grandson around the garden ( wish I had his energy ) -- cant be sad when he's around -- love + hugs to all x x lynda

Well done on getting through a difficult day x x x Hugs x x x

Thanks patricia -- I know a friend who lost her hubby last year had a bad throat for a few weeks so it could be all linked -- doc said virus. so I just have to battle on -- think it will be honey, hot lemonade + a tot of whisky tonight as I need a good nights sleep -- as I said before love to all xx lynda

Evening everyone.  Becky, Declan & I made it back to sunny Yorkshire in one piece.  I am very tired so I am hoping that I sleep really well in my own bed tonight.  Lots more of becky's things are up here now and she has all her camping gear up here now as she is off camping next week.  I will get my house back to myself for a few days!!  Lynne I am glad you enjoyed your camping almost unscathed!  Wouldn't be the same if there wasn't at least one small accident - hope it gets better soon.  Hi Patricia, Lynda & Rosemary & anyone else looking in tonight.  I hope the decorating went okay Rosemary.  It is a good idea to post in sections I know but i feel a bit anal about it - can't help myself though.  I bet your lost post was brill.  I especially like the Baileys bit.  Think I might have a small one to assist sleep tonight - bit like your whisky Lynda.  Have a good night everyone.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Hi Everyone, just a quick post as very tired after my weekend away. Rod Stewart was fab only one song I brokedown at but my friends were there to comfort me, it's so very hard. Miss Derek so much but you all know about it. Will catch up with all the posts. Just had Charlie and Kim in to see me so that was nice. Think early night fir me. Hope you are all ok? Sending hugs Fiona x x

Hello everyone,

I had real problems getting on here tonight for some reason.  Anyway, I'm on eventually.  Fiona, glad you enjoyed Rod Stewart and had some lovely friends with you.  Lynne, camping sounded great fun and its always good to make new friends although sorry you burnt yourself.  Make sure you look after it and I hope it heals up okay.  Judi, hope the Kit Kat is doing okay today and that you are looking after yourself too xx  Lynda, the 6 month mark is awful so you please take care of yourself.  I hit a very bad patch at 6 months (probably worse than any other time) so you know where we are if you need support.  I am glad you are getting the enjoyment of your grandson.  Young kids definitely help you forget your worries with their boundless energy and naive happiness.  Ailsa, thank you for the kind words (and thank you all).  I have listened and I have taken on board everything that you have all said.  Helen, good to hear you had a nice weekend.

Ailsa, it especially helped with what you said about Becky and Declan's experience and how he is okay as even though I will be very cautious with introducing the boys to anyone, we have no guarantees of the future and whether relationships will last as we all sadly know so I am glad to hear of someone's elses experience in this.  Well the added complication has been dealt with so I am now happy knowing what I am doing and it is with my current guy.  I really do love being with him and we are like a couple of love sick teenagers with each other.  He makes me really happy.  I get what people are saying about it not being for them and I really wish I had felt like that as my life would be a lot less of an emotional rollercoaster.  I have great kids, a lovely family, a nice home, good job, money in the bank but I was lonely and that was why I started dating again.  I have lots of great friends and a very busy life as you all know but I was lonely for things that I can't get with my friends.  I missed affection and romance and male company.  Someone caring for me and worrying about what I do and where I am going.  Yes I still have Colin and he is great but even that is not the same.  Anyway, I will just take each day as it comes. 

Had a bit of a low time at the weekend.  Just one of those feeling sorry for myself moments.  I took the kids to the cinema and the film was good (although I was crying at the end as it is all about moving on and letting go) then we went to the caravan and I took pictures so that I can get it up for sale.  Weekends are so hard when I spend them with the kids on my own.  Most times we have great fun but I think it is partly their ages as even though we have conversations its not exactly the same.  I miss Wully a lot at those times and wish we were a proper family again.  I know I will be okay tomorrow as I am back at work and back into busy mode.

Anyway, take care penguins I better go and get my case packed and back on Wednesday.  I have to take Jamie to the dentist first thing tomorrow.  That was another story lol.  He had toothache last week and he has only been at  the dentist a couple of times before.  Of course it happened when I was away so I felt so bad.  My mum and dad had to take him and we weren't even registered yet in this area (yes bad mummy).  He needed a filling and got a jag but my mum said he was very good and that the dentist was very good with him too.  But because it is just his baby teeth still the filling might not take and he had a touch of an infection so he is to back tomorrow and see if he is to get it taken out.  I felt I couldn't let him go without me so I will travel on to work later.  My mum also said the dentist is extremely gorgeous so that swayed me lol. 

Right I better go and get on.

Take care penguins

Gayle xxx

Evening, everyone

ailsa, you put me to shame with your detailed post - thank you for being such a thoughtful, caring prson, you never leave anyone out.    Fiona, so glad you enjoyed the concert; well done for coping so well, not easy.

I just want to say how nice it is not to have that 'sunday  night' feeling any more - rock on Monday!!!!!!

Sue xx

Hi everyone

Lynda a special hello to you.  I think you are exactly right about the possibility of your throat etc being you body sying, okay I need a rest now..... so listen to it and a bit of self-cherishing is what is needed.  As Gayle says, six months is so hard - it is a long enough time that that it feels forever but still so very fresh ((( ))) hugs to you. 

Ailsa, what a wonderful post.  You are an amazing person, so glad that you are enjoying Dex and Decs, even if you seem to be driving up and down the country at the moment!  I understood exactly what you were saying about getting 'all confused/stressed' about the idea of being seen as not coping and not 'letting go of your grief'.  And in the same vein my darling little munchkin .... so glad that you have got your head round the 'added complication!'  and you know what, don't think that there is one way or another re needing company - every way is right ... just different for each of us.  All I want you to do is look after yourself and find  they way that makes you happiest each day.  You have such an obvious capacity for love and warmth that it oozes out of you!!  So just you keep doing what you do.  So glad that you spoke to your boss and got a better deal for you and the boys - good on ya!

Lynne, Lynne, Lynne - well done you re the camping ... yes we will let you have your blonde moment with the lamp!!!  I just loved the idea of you trying to shove your matress through the tent flap! 

Bren you post was so wonderful and so descriptive of your trip.  It sounded very poignant and very beautiful ..... apart from the walk across the field to the bathroom!! lol.   Helen and Lesley I hope you have both had terrific weekends and good luck with the interview on Tuesday H.  Fiona, I know you enjoyed the concert and I think you did amazingly well to just have one meltdown.  Quite proper that you did, Derek would have sulked otherwise!!  Not long now til we are in Glasgow - and you have the wedding to look forward to as well.  Give Charlie a wee squeeze from me. ..... and whatever you do don't let Bud near Sue .... have you seen her latest picture! 

Sue, hope that you are feeling ok - Helen and Alice sound as if they are doing a good job of watching over their mum.  Just you make the most of the next few weeks, because I have a sneaky feeling that some wise person is going to realise that you are available and snap you up in no time at all. 

Rosemary - my grass is still waiting for you to come round the corner on your lawnmower!  Hope Kofi is feeling a little better after his nasty altrication with the wasp!  Sam and Daniel doing ok? 

Kat is a poorly little (well not so little) thing but not complaining at all.  I can now see all the bruising and what with her poorly left front leg and poorly right back leg she is a right picture when we venture out for a 'widdle' - as soon as we get to the bottom of the path she realises that, although she is as keen as mustard when she hears her lead, she actually doesn't want to go for a walk.  Just as well Joey has the brain of a goldfish, so much easier when he doesn't remember that we have only just gone outside when I turn them round to come back in!  Back to the vets tomorrow night to see how her stitches are. 

Had such a lazy nothing day .... ooops - am sure I should be packing by now.  Although I have put together a very nice file with all the instruction books and guarantees etc for the new owner!

Am so much calmer than a few days ago, no idea why but glad it is the case.  So thank you penguins.  Speak soon.  Loads of love Judi xxx