My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Almost forgot - when I was reading earlier about a possible penguin camp - all I could think was 'what a carry on that will be!!!!'  In the best possible way............But I think I would be there in the hotel too!!!  These ancient arthriticky bones do not allow for sleeping on the ground any more!!!!  Even with a mattress.....

Hope you are all enjoying your weekend.............

Love and more comforting ((((hugs)))) to all

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi all  --I . enjoy the posts + it makes me realise we all get good + bad days + the funny photos are great. My week has been yuk ( for want of a better word ) wasnt looking forward to hubbys birthday the 1st without him -- also trying to wean myself off the happy pills. Then bang I get a cold which I couldnt shift + when I go to the docs I'm told - oh its a virus just carry on with the paracetamol + plenty of hot drinks -- said grrrr under my breath. Woke today with no voice ( at least my son will have peace ) -- but feel so washed out  -- is it the 6 month blues I wonder + trying to get off the pills -- sorry for the moan -- big hugs + love to all xx lynda

dear lynda

So sorry that you're so poorly with the lurgy - it makes life even more miserable. We'll all identify with the difficulties of the 'firsts' - some of us are on the 'seconds' and still it hits you anew every day.  hang on in here with us, and we'll do our best to help you through it.

sue xx

Lynda, sorry you are feeling so under the weather. Hopefully you will feel a little better soon. My niece lost her voice a few weeks ago and didn't get it back for well over a week. (will your son enjoy that??? lol)

As Sue says, the 'firsts' are apt tp bring you down but we are all here for you to get your thoughts and feeling out. Yes Sue you are quite right about the 'seconds' hitting us hard too but I won't go into that right now.

Take care of yourself Lynda, we need you well so you can join in the shenannigans on here. I believe Rosemary has invited us all to join her on the ledge for drinks later?????? lol. 

Lynne, I hope the camping trip is going to plan.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Sending huge international hugs to all of you who need them - Patricia this means you too and for all who are surviving those difficult dates. 

I found Dan's birthday was ok for me, probably because there was so much family around me all the time.  It was hard to go to Gaspe, very odd to go with his brother in Dan's car but fitting that Dan's final journey should be in his own car.  There were moments there that I needed to get away alone but on the whole it was soothing and peaceful for me.  Even being here in mom's house alone is ok.  I don't know how I will feel when I am finally home all alone and it will be very close to our anniversary, my cousin will leave Aug 2 and our 29th anniversary is Aug 7.  But so far I am ok.  Very tired and catching up on sleep. 

I had to call my BIL to come over for a leaking pipe in the basement today, I thought it would not be good to leave it until MIL gets home mid August but he thought it would be ok, just a small drip and she does need to have a lot of plumbing work done.  So I feel better that it will not end up a huge flood when I leave.

I have to book my flights to Newfoundland but will wait until I have a faster computer, this one may cut me off mid booking.  My niece will take Max so I am set to go sometime in August for about 10 days or so.  That will leave me with not a lot of time at home alone to mope.   I do want a week or so at home to get myself organized  before going back to work on the 30th. 

I have read all the posts finally but of course my brain does not take much in, congratulations Judi on the new house, when do you move in?  What a lot of energy some of you have with your construction projects, I can barely get my house reasonably tidy.  Enjoy your holiday Patricia, you so deserve it.  Teri, do hope your family sorts themselves out, that is so hard for you.  Sue, enjoy some well deserved time off, sometime good will turn up for you.  Gayle, you deserve to live your own life as you choose, whatever will make you happy is the best for your boys too.    Hugs to Fiona and everyone else.

Tuesday will be 9 months for me but it will be a good day, I will be visiting my 91 year old aunt with my cousin and then over the border (how am I going to get over the border with all the junk I brought with me?) to see my cousins there so I will have loads of support that day.

love to all

Bren

Evening everyone.  I have spent a while catching up on posts again.  Everytime I can't get on here for a couple of days I always seem to time it just when there are several pages of posts.  Gayle I would have said exactly the same as Rosemary said.  When I read your post before I got to any of the replies I was thinking just take it a step at a time Gayle.  You have already done so well being honest with your mum.  My mum and dad were very close to Chris.  They always liked him but 8 years ago they moved from 200 miles away to just 5 miles away.  In that time they got even more fond of him and even though I am their daughter I think they would find me being with someone else very hard.  They would never interfere but would be very concerned for me and also very troubled by their loyality to Chris.  My children are much older and would not be the issue your young ones are so my parents do not have the extra concerns that your mum has.  It sounds like she is doing her best.  I have similar concerns regarding Becky's boyfriends and Declan.  He is just the same as your boys and gets very attached to men.  If it is any help he is nearly 10 now and although Becky waits a good long time before introducing him to new men in her life he has coped with the few breakups she has had.  He is confident in this mum's love for him and so will your boys be.  Now you have mentioned the other chap coming home though I am thinking you don't half make things complicated for yourself!!  As the mum of a 30 year old daughter I can only say that you shouldn't worry too much about what your mum is thinking - she worries for you but will be very, very happy that your relationship is good enough that you want to involve her.  Don't read anything more than that into her not saying a lot about it.

I'm going to break my post up so that I don't lose anything xx   

Thank you all for the messages for my wedding anniversary.  I did a message for Chris and lamented it.  I took it to the cemetery with some flowers before we set off for Becky's.  I feel very similar to both Patricia and Judi regarding future relationships with men.  A few weeks ago I was feeling under a lot of pressure about that very thing.  I don't know what triggered it but I was very upset by what might be expected of me in the future and would I be thought of as a grief stricken person who wasn't coping or making the most of her life until I was ready to meet other men.  I discussed it with the counsellor.  She tried to explain that I was over analysing and should do whatever I was comfortable with and not try to look too far ahead.  I have since decided just the same as you say Judi - it is irrelevant.  I am far too busy for there to be anyone in my life.  Gayle you are so busy I don't know where you get the time and energy (although I am nearly 20 years older than you so that will be it!). I don't feel any desire to have that kind of company but most importantly I no longer think there is anything wrong with that.  I am happier since I took that pressure away but I love reading about other people's experiences and seeing how different we all are.

Helen I'm glad you got the roof sorted out.  My experiences with tradesmen recently have made me miss Chris so much.  Luckily everything has gone well and all my 'men' appear to have been good 'uns.  Chris would have been just like Paul though and would have seen to most of these things himself.

Patricia I hope you are okay after your dream about Ray.  I said before that I don't dream since losing Chris.  I think I would love to dream about him but just as you say, I am concerned about what effect it would have on me when I wake up.  That is probably why I don't dream.  I'm sorry you are having a difficult time but i hope your holiday goes someway to helping with that.

Sue I am glad you are able to enjoy your new-found free time.  The shopping with Alice sounds like it was good.  Having the rings cut off sounds like it was very necessary but it must have been very upsetting.  I hope we get to see the finished reasult when you have the necklace made.  It is a very positive thing to do with the rings.

Going to hit the post button again - just in case xx 

Judi how is Kat this evening?  It sounds like you had a tough day but bumping into Ed's first wife sounds like it helped you a bit.  It is good that you get on okay.  I hope you have had a better day today.

Lynda I hope that maybe your throat is a bit better - so often the way that we get ill during some of the difficult anniversaries.

Bren I loved reading the description of your time in Gaspe.  How lovely to have so many important family members around you at this time.  Dan would be so happy that it has all gone so well.  Loads more driving by the sound of it so enjoy the break.

Fiona I hope the Rod Stewart concert has been great fun and that it helps you to feel a bit more happy. 

We have had a very busy day here at Becky's.  I spent 3 hours doing the back garden this morning but it should be okay until we come back again in 3 weeks time.  We are loading the van up early tomorrow and then popping to see one of Becky's friends before I drive us home.  I managed to get a couple of hours sleep this afternoon so that will help me a lot - good to be away from the garage project for a couple of days.  Makes me wonder what I will do with myself once Becky is settled and the garage is done.  I will be needing lots of penguin meets!!!  I can't wait for October.  Well that is more than enough from me - you had all been very busy in the past 2 days though!!  I hope everyone is having a good weekend.  Lynne - hope the camping if going well - can't wait for the piccies.  At least it is dry.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Hi all, Ailsa what a sensible idea sending posts in sections, I KNOW I posted last night but now can't find it (didn't check it was there after sending did I) so goodness knows what I said, must have been incredibley witty, really funny with a couple of brilliant photo's I wouldn't normally have managed to send, along with a heap of very wise and uplifting words.... what else, maybe a recipe or two and a large Baileys for you all.  Well it was something like that I'm sure and the Baileys is a defiinte!

I shall return later and make a tad more sense and update you all as well as hug you all, hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday afternoons, just off to help Sam start decorating her spare room.... details later xxxxxxxx

Hi All just a quick post to say i'm back and i've had a fab time , i definately want to do it again . i managed to get the tent up no problem (with someones help ) but the hardest thing was when i'd blown the double air bed up i then had to try and get it throught the little door in the tent lol , afterwards everyone told me you only blow it up half way and then put it in the tent to finish off , it gave me a laugh tho pushing and shoving it in lol . My only mishap was i burnt my hand , i touuched a red hot lamp (dont know why i didn't realise it would be hot, blond moment lol ) I've got quite a nasty blister which burst whilst i was on the walk today ugh it wasn't pleasant . I've enjoyed every bit of the weekend and although i only knew one person i now have a few more friends (not as nice as my penguins though ) i've unpacked a little but have still got loads to do and then i'll catch up with all your posts .

. Lynne xxx