My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello Rosiemay, welcome to our thread, as the others have said we have all been where you are right now, will all go there again and we all understand everything you say.  8 months is no time at all so hang in there it will get easier (not necessarily better but easier and different).  I think maybe you have tried so hard to be strong and carry on all this time and that is why now you have "hit the wall" so to speak and are having to let it out and cry those rivers of tears that just have to come out sooner or later.  Someone told me that it takes 18 months to recover from bereavment, I think what they should have said was to start to recover from as the first year is full of the "first anniversaries" and the "this time last year's" then when you get past that first big anniversary you have different feelings to deal with, but you can deal with them.  Have you had any counselling?  A lot of the ladies here have found it really does help and isn't something to be scared of, you need to be able to talk through your feelings, guilt we all feel (but shouldn't) anger too and even jealousy for everyone else who seems so happy still - oh the range of emotions are endless and can hit you at all sorts of times but it does get better and talking on here really will help, it lets you know you aren't alone and it's a place you can say anything at all without being judged.  Stay will us and we'll see you through and before you know it you'll be seeing others through too xxxxx

Now I've typed all that (sorry I do waffle on) I will have to go back and re-read the thread so I can talk to you all.  Be back later xxxxxx

Hi Rosiemay,Sorry to hear about your loss but I can only say what all the other lovely ladies have said keep posting we are all in the same position on here. Keep swimming. Hope everyone else doing ok tonight. Weather dry so we Kim and me going to light a candle for Derek tonight I will think of you all at 11 o clock. Fiona x x

Evening all - and welcome to Rosiemay - even though the circumstances of our meeting are not the best!!!  I cannot totally empathise with you as my situation is a bit different - my hubby is a 'survivor' in that he has Myeloma and is in remission - but it is a lifetime sentence to who knows what.......So I grieve for a happy future lost and the contentment we had replaced by frustrations at his lack of ability.....even though he is the last to admit it!!!!!  So all I can offer is a (((hug))) and a 'listening ear' when needed....... These lovely ladies - The Penguin Posse (or Huddle) - put up with a lot from me and I am very grateful that they do........... As they have all said keep posting - it is much better to give vent to your feelings of anger and all than keep it bottled up inside.............

Love and comforting (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) to you all

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Rosiemay, I so remember those earlier days when the tears flowed so freely. It comes to hit us when we least expect it doesn't it? There is nothing new for me to say except that this thread and indeed the site in general is a lifeline to many people. I am so sorry for your loss. To loose your soulmate, best friend, lover, confidante is an absolute tragedy and we all know some of how you feel right now although we can never know exactly how you feel. I hope that you can find something here to help you. We rant, rave, cry and even at times laugh. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve and get used to your new and different situation.

Helen, I am going over to visit my son tomorrow and we are going out for a meal to celebrate his birthday which is actually today.

Lynne, I am working on the dates you sent me and hoping to make at least one of them.

Fiona, good luck tonight and I shall think of you at 11pm.

Everyone else, have the best evening you can and I hope tomorrow is kind to you too.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Morning everone ..

 Fiona i hope your candle lighting went well , i was thinking about you and Kim , i dont supose you can take pictures in those kind of situations can you ? xx

Patricia enjoy your lunch out today and i really hope you can make one of the dates xx Ailsa and Helen hope you enjoyed your nights out and i'm extreamly jealous as i stayed in , but my daughter did try and tempt me out but i resisted (yes Helen who said i was easily distracted lol ) xx

As the other ladies have said Rosiemay just keep posting (if you can ) and it really does help , i dont know where i would be without the support of the lovely ladies (and gents) but you are so at early days on this roller coaster , i keep saying i want to get offnowbut it never stops really , jut the dips get less and less . xx

 Gayle your day sounds fab , hope you got some pictures , and i forgot to say thank you for booking the hotel , bring it on xx 

Sue how are you feeling now hun , what you going to do this week ? xx

Well i'm over my tantrum of yesterday , i had a good painting day and as i've said i even turned down the opportunity to go out , i just wanted to get the dam painting out the way (thanks so much Judi for keeping me amused lol ) just the wall papering to do which i will start on monday , go all the kids coming for lunch today , try the new big kitchen out lol , and as some of you know i found the memory stich yippee . I'd got my sone to tip the sofe (yes Judi it is a sport here ) to see if we could hear the memory stick inside when we both spotted it under the pipe which goes to the radiator , i was so happy lol , it was more the thought of putting everyhting back on a new stick that was bothering me , far to time consuming lol . Thanks for your pm Rosemary and although it wasn;t in a black bag , you made me realise it was still in the house and i never stopped searching (hence the sofa tipping lol ) Dottee , is all the work complete now .. I'm defo getting some one in to do the living room i've had enough already , i'd rather be out playing xx

hope everybody has a good sunday and hugs to all xx

Take care

Lynne xx

Hello everyone,

Hi Rosiemay, so sorry you have to join us and there isn't really anything else I can add to the lovely ladies comments but I too have found this site an absolute lifeline.  The one place where everyone understands exactly, won't judge you and there is always someone here to listen if you just want a rant at the world.  I have been known to have many toddler tantrums on here where I just want to stamp my feet and say its just not fair.  Keep posting and/or reading as it does help.

Lynne, glad you found the memory stick and that you are feeling a bit better about the decorating.  I am now starting to think that maybe I should just buy a house.  I know I don't feel settled but maybe I am being selfish to the boys and need to give them more stability.  I think I might start tentatively looking but no promises lol!  Helen & Ailsa hope you both had lovely nights last night. 

I spent the day with the boys and it was good.  We went to lunch in an old cafe that I used to skip school to go to when I was a kid and my mum and sister both also went to as youngsters so it was nice to take them.  Then we went out for dinner later on (and they both behaved and even fed me ice cream and chocolate buttons!!!).  Then we went to the car stunt show which was fine.  Had a wee moment walking in remembering Wully being there before and also seeing lots of families but I was fine and the family standing beside us was a woman and her two sons so maybe that helped.  The boys loved it and I got a few nice pics so I will put them up on FB.

We are having a day in the house today while I catch up with work/ironing/housework/etc etc before heading up to Aberdeen tomorrow for a couple of days. 

Take care everyone and hope you all are okay.

Gayle xxx

hi, my fellow penguins

Rosiemay, so sorry you've needed to join us, but welcome. As the others have all said, this site has been a godsend; we even manage some laughs along the way. At the beginning I don't think that any of us believed we would ever laugh again, but we do, so please stick with us if you would like to.

lynne, very impressed with the painting; I need to get going with some decorating soon, but don't have the energy at the moment.

I've not had the best of weekends; I picked up some sort of bug which  has laid me flat, feeling very nauseous and incredibly tired - i think I've been awake for about a total of 4 hours since friday night. Still have to go back into work this week to pack up the nursery as the keys are being handed to the new providers on friday and it has to be empty.

glad everyone else's weekends were ok

Must go back to bed now

love to all

sue xx

Welcome to Rosiemay sorry you have had to join us but welcome none the less. Sue I am sorry you are feeling poorly but hope you pick up soon.

I have had the weekend from hell. Starting with me not being ale to go to the annual surgery BBQ, I thought I would be fine but spent Sat in bed in tears because I could not face it without Bert , he only ever came to 1 work night and it was last years BBQ he was not well enough to be there but made the effort to go I think he must have known it would be his last chance and so that was all I could think about. The fact that I had started clearing out his wardrobe didn't really help but I have done it now and have several bags to go to the charity shop.

Joni's lawyer has advised him to take his ex to court as she will not allow him to see Murray so despite the fact that he does not want to do that I think he will need to if he wants to see his son. I cannot understand how someone who lived with me for over a year and was perfectly nice can suddenly turn so nasty, I have only seen Murray twice the last time was when he was 10 days old and he is almost 4 months now. I am hoping work will be busy this week as it has been unusually quiet since I started back, it just gives you more time to think about things. Anyway I hope everyone had a good weekend

speak soon love Teri

Ah Sue hope your feeling better soon xxxxx 

Hi Everyone, well last night was amazing to see but very emotional. They started there relay on Sat at eleven and it finished today at eleven this morning, I have managed to post two pictures there was hundreds and hundreds of candles lit round the track and everyone had to do a silent lap of track will a piper played and they had hope spelt out in candles. It has been an awful day here very wet. Sending hugs to you Fiona x x