My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Sue hope you feel better soon, typical teachers reaction to a holiday isn't it.  And Teri big hugs, I do hope Jon can get things sorted legally it is so unfair and hurtful for you all and little Murray has a right to know his dad and all his family too, it just shows how you just don't know some people doesn;t it.  Hugs for the weekend too, that was a hard one for you xxxx

Fiona your candlelight tribute sounds wonderful, I will have a look at the photos, thank you for thinking of us all, the silent lap with a piper must have been very moving.

Absolutely stuffed tonight, Daniel came over for dinner and we had a proper roast chicken and homemade apple crumble and ice cream, I don't think I need to eat again for a month!  It was lovely having him here and makes all the difference to the evening just having another person in the house, albeit on my computer so I can't visit my usual people.  Would you believe he has bought a motor bike!  One thing Steve and I never wanted him to have, but I have no say in it, he didn't ask me as he knew what I would say.  Equally I knew he was going to do it sooner or later, just wish it could have been a lot later. 

Didn't get back to read all the posts again, although I know I had answers to you all the first time around, just didn't get to type them, so will send you all a very special, great, big hug and will do perimeter patrol tonight to keep you all safe and warm.  Sleep well my little penguins (that goes for you too Rosiemay, you are part of our huddle) sweet dreams to you all (especially those that have problems sleeping or dreaming, may the sandman sprinkle the magic dust over you to help you rest til morning) xxxxxxxxxxx

Just got home from visiting my son and daughter-in-law (that still sounds wierd). I took my mother-in-law with me and we had a very pleasant drive. We were treated to a picture show of all the wedding pictures and they are all lovely. (there is this very strange woman who keeps on popping up in them though. she is wearing a red and white outfit in some and a blue and white outfit in others lol).  We then went to a lovely little restaurant on the banks of the Dee Estuary where we had a beautiful view across to Wales. The meal was delicious and the company very entertaining. The drive home was very peaceful and we listened to lots of funny songs on the radio. I am currently watching (or half watching) a film.

Sue so sorry you are feeling so unwell. I hope you feel better soon. Gayle, don't rush into anything. You will know when the right house comes along. (Oooo I seem to have heard that somewhere before). Rosemary, so glad you had a pleasant day (yiou deserve it). I know what you mean about motorbikes but hopefully Daniel will be careful and keep safe.Please can I join you on the perimeter patrol? It will be a little lonely on your own.

I hope you all manage to sleep and dream tonight. I wish you a good day tomorrow whatever you are doing. (I have a hospital appointment... yuk).

Love and angel hugs x x x  Patricia x x x

Welcome to join me on patrol Patricia, we can share a brew or two!  Daniel does promise to be careful on his bike and he is planning to train and go for his full licence next year when he is 21, I'll still worry though.  Glad you had a nice day and a good meal, I'm sure you looked lovely in the photo's, but I also hate seeing myself in video's or photo;s so I know what you mean.  Good luck with your hospital appointment tomorrow, will be thinking of you and holding you hand - text me if you need instant "thereness" and in the meantime we will patrol together so neither shall be lonely, Love Me xxxxxxx

Hello Lovely Penguins

Still struggling, but trying my best to keep going... It's 12 months today that Miles and I ventured out of the house for the last time (other than to the hospital). Wish I didn't remeber all these dates so well but I do - so feeling very low :(

Had a good night last night - took H to the theatre to see 'Girls night out', and didn't realise that there was Male strippers in the show! It was a good giggle for us both though - nothing too obscene!

Well, have decided to follow your advice and arrange another Manchester meet... So if anyone fancies lunch and a general gossip on Sat August 14th in Manchester then you are most welcome...

Hope everyone is doing ok... Well done on finding the memory stick Lynne xx. Hope you are feeling better for the final week at school Sue - how lovely are your 'children'...xx Rosemary, your horses are so beautiful, hope you feel Ok after the move. xx Fiona and Gayle, will be looking out for your pics... xx Judes, Helen, Patricia, Fiona - big hugs to you and every one else I have forgotten to mention. xx

Rosiemay - welcome to the club no-one wants to join. Can't add anything to what the other's have already said... Just know that we are all always here for you...xx

Much love to all, Manda xx

Thanks Rosemary.

Manda, these memories are all part of this flippin awful process. It is not the best thing in the world but be assured that even though you are feeling bad right now you will get some good times soon. okay they may be intermingled with sad ones but they will come.  I am glad you enjoyed the show risque or not. lol. (((((((((penguin hugs))))))))))) for you. Climb into the centree of the hudddle and let us all look after you.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi everyone

Am just off to bed - I meant to start going through the eaves etc and start the big clear out before the big pack ..... but oddly it didn't happen!  Ah, there are other weekends to do that.  Anyway I had to help Lynne with her painting (just between you and me - don't tell Lynne - but she has some VERY odd ways of doing things!)

Patricia your description of your day to see you son was lovely, I almost felt I was in the car with you and your MIL.  I bet the photos are LOVELY and that the costume changing lady stole the show.  Manda, I can't see me coming to Manchester hun, but please always keep invting me cos it makes me feel wanted!!  Rosemary hun, of course you worry about Daniel but the very fact the first thing he spoke of was learning and taking his licence means that he has a good head on his shoulders.   As for Sam - well after your rude tagging on FB she may well be coming to live with her Aunty Judes who will NEVER describe her as the back end of a horse!!

Fiona, how emotional that silent lap with a piper must have been.  Ed was SO Scottish and proud of being so that I can only imagine how overwhelming a sight and sound that was. (((((   ))))))  My darling Teri, I can only hope that at some point sense prevails with Murray's mum - you have obviously cared for her and looked after her - obviously I hope she is not suffereing from post-natal depression but her behaviour sounds so bizarre that maybe with some help she will see how irrational she is being. 

Sue when I worked at the school I was only ever ill just as the term ended, and I never had an end of term like yours so I am not surprised that your body has 'taken a dip'  little bit of cherishing needed your way me thinks.

Munchkin - glad that you and the boys enjoyed the racing cars - your photos are beautiful.  You will know when the time is right to search for your next 'home' hun.  The boys are happy and fine, so don't stress about them - just keep going exactly as your are ... you ain't doing much wrong hun. 

Right - am off to do a quick perimeter with Rosemary and Patricia .... oi, slow down you two .... what you think my name is Jogger North!

Night all

Love Judes xxx

Morning all .. Judi Judi Judi,  Jogger North indeed , Strange !! ok o'll admit to that lol but i couldn't do my jog last night , there was far to many kids on the park (dont they ever go to bed ) so i did a 30 min power walk round the streets and felt just as much benefit from it , maybe when i've got more confidence the kids on the park wont bother me but for now i have to go on when its quiet . Amanda i'd love to make this meet on the 14 th , i'll make sure i dont double book this time . The dates which are in your head are something that most of us we're  going through a few months ago , i dont envy you one little bit hun , its not a easy time , just remeber we;re all here for you ((hug))) Teri i hope you get to see your little grand son soon , i know how i'd feel if i didn't see my little one's and it doesn't bear thinking about .. Sue hope your feeling a little better today . Anyway just a quick on as i'm on early again this week . Hugs to all

 xx Take care

 Lynne xxx

I hope you are all having a better day today. (Especially Manda and Leslie). Sue I hope you are a little less unwell today. Judi you are soooooooooooo funny. I smiled at your wonderful post. I have this vision of 'Jogger North' and bizarre as it sounds she is wearing a pink track suit and a head band lol. I can also visualise yourself  running to catch up to Rosemary and myself on the perimeter patrol. lol. I think I better close now befor you all realize I have truly lost the plot lol

Take care all. Love and angel hugs x x x Patrcia x x x

Don't think you've lost the plot Patricia!!  I had a similar vision...... pink velour????  I'm the one trailing wa-a-a-ay behind - walking.....

Hope all you girlies are doing better today....the sun is out - well it is here - and sooooooo hot hot hot!!!!!  I'll just stay indoors out of it ta very much........xxxxxxxxxxx

well, we worked like stink today and thanks to my wonderful teaching assistants we got most of the nursey and adjoining classroom packed up, labelled and ready to go. just need to tackle the sheds tomorrow, then perhaps i can walk away. after 2 years on and off in the same school it's very draining; i just know how devastated Alan would be if he knew what had gone on. he had been a governor there for over twelve years, and was always the one who asked the awkward questons, but who got things done. it's almost as though they waited for him to be out of the way before they got rid of me, as i know for sure that if he were still there, things would never have reached this point.   I cannot forgive thm for this; he was worth more respect than that.

am in bed now; tummy still funny, but mainly am trying to hide away from the world. life  truly is s**t.

Sue xx