My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning everyone.  I have just had one of those awful moments where I wrote a post after catching up with all your posts that I have missed so much in the past few days....and it disappeared when I posted it :(

I am going to have to go and get somethings done as I have visitors for dinner later so I can't re-write it again (forgot to copy it first Judi).  So, for the time being I am sending you all ((((((hugs)))))) to help get you through this difficult day.  I will come back on here later and try again.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Morning everyone

I was doing 'ok' until I read Lynne's post (alright, I wasn't really doing ok - but was holding it together!) but you know what Lynne, thank you.  I too have just had a serious weep, and for all the reasons you said, not just for me, Boy and Ed's girls, but for all of my wonderful chums here that today especially will be feeling it so much.

In the spirit of what we have tried to say to Piglet about how we share, care and try to get each other through each day, maybe even with a laugh, I will tell you a little tale about Joey yesterday.

I went to the kennels to pick up my lovlies and Eric (the kennel man) brought them out into the run, but on their long leads and they were SO delighted to see me and jumping around etc, but what was lovely was that they also were rushing back to Eric and Liz to get a cuddle.  Which always makes me feel so much better when I have to put them into kennels.   We walked up towards the car and I was just about to open the haltchback of my Mondeo when Joey (obviously thinking the back windscreen was actually an open boot) took a flying leap up onto the back of the car, realised he hadn't actually landed inside, sort of tried to scramble up onto the roof but ended up crashing down onto the tarmac on his side - it was horrible and seemed to happen in slow motion - he gradually picked himself up and I quietly opened the car and he was able to jump in.  I felt sick, and wanted to cry, but my Joey is such a drama queen even when he has the tiniest knock I thought I would just get him home and see if we needed the vet.  Anyway, apart from a skinned kneed and thigh he is absolutely fine and I don't think will do anything like that again.  The sight of a huge, long thin-legged, black greyhound trying to leap and scramble on the top of a car - not really understanding why he hadn't ended up inside it is one I will not forget for a long time.

Am off to take up some roses to my darling - catch you all later.  I am thinking of every one of you today, especially Fiona and Lynne and send special hugs to your dads.

Judi xx

Hello Piglet and welcome from me too, sending you a big hug and explaining the penguin references - it started some way back when we needed a group hug and said (I think it may have been Judi, forgive me if I'm wrong) that penguins "huddle" together and keep changing places to keep warm, so the ones that need to get pushed to the middle of the huddle and have the warmth and support of the others. So there you are, joining the penguins and being held warmly and securely in the middle of our huddle for as long as you need.  Unbelievable as it seem right now you will find that you do manage to come to the edge of the huddle and you will be supporting others along the way, but for now we are all here for you.  When those long and lonely nights get too much come on here and read through the thread (might put you to sleep!) and then imagine that we are all there with you, gathered round, usually drinking a Baileys of three, or maybe a cup of tea lol, but with you all the way.  I lost my husband nearly 18 months ago and still sometimes can't believe this is real, but although it still hurts and there are tears I can promise you that it does get easier to cope, I have a daughter of 23 (who behaves like a teenager a lot of the time due to a head injury 3 years ago) and a son of 20 (who behaves like a teenager a lot of the time because he's a boy :-) ) so also understand the heartache of watching the kids learn to cope without their dad.  We have all lost loved ones to cancer but don't let it beat you, don't let it take your life too your dear husband will be watching over you both and wanting you to go on and also to smile again.  Take care xxxx

Judi, glad you have the dogs back with you, I'm thinking about trying mine in kennels so it means I can do things now.  Do yours cope alright?  My theory is that they have each other so it won't be so bad as being on their own there. How were the house viewings, any positive feedback or offers yet?

Gayle it sounds like you had a lovely day with the boys, you are such a wonderful mum.  Will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending lots of love.

Lynne, stop crying now you will be all cried out and shattered.  Your mum is definitely sharing a hug with Gordon and they will both be sending you one too.  Into the middle with you now, alongside Gayle and Piglet, anyone else?  Feeling stronger today having had a bit of a wobbly week (courtesy of Samantha, but thats another story), little sis came over last night and stayed the night - which has confirmed in my mind that I could never live with her, if it comes to it I will sell this place and buy somewhere with an annexe.  That sounds a bit mean and considering I have been wobbling all over the place about being on my own here you must think me daft but I don't think it would work and we would definitely end up having rows, well we nearly did last night.  So I plan my sanctum now with more relish, although I don't close any doors to other options and I am preparing places for penguin visits too!

Ailsa where are you?  (Or didn't I go back enough pages?) Linda is amazed that you are so close to where her mum lives, but as we know it is a small world so not surprising really.  Did you get sorted on the details?  I haven;t seen her since and won't til tomorrow so hope it all went alright. 

Would anyone like some gym equipment?  I have decided to get rid of the rowing machine, treadmill (with how fast you are walking and how far display) and the little trampoline thingy.  They would need picking up and we are in West Sussex but for you lot they are free to a good home.  If no-one wants them then I will probably ask the hospice if they would like them (for the shop not for the patients!) along with kitchen table and chairs and some boxes of books, oh and a futon base!  Do you want to come and browse?

Off to the in-laws now for "Grand-dads Day", instead of a box of beers this year I have got father in law three tomato plants, planted them in a gro bag and hope he likes them.  It's difficult as he still isn't well and has lost so much weight, I worry that he isn't telling me everything so as not to worry me.  Will look in again later, hope you are all coping with today love and hugs xxxxxxx

Oh, judes, what a lovely  story about your one-brain-cell Joey!    Our animals cerrtainly keep us on our toes. i couldn't find charlie cat anywhere yesterday - then i saw a carrier bag making its way across the living room floor, with a little black and white nose poking out of it.   any bag or box will do - if I have visitors, we have to check their bags before they go in case  charlie decides that he would like to move out!

sue xx

Waving Ailsa!  I missed your post.  And Sue, I meant to say I wonder if Alice (is that right?) seems to feel the loss more because she is a step daughter and hasn't got the immediate "right" of a daughter to feel the loss of her dad?  If you understand what I mean?  Bless all our kids today with Fathers Day and every day they grow up with out our lovely men.  Hugs to you all again xxxxxxxxxxxx

hi, Rosemary - it's Helen who is my daughter from a previous marriage - alice is our joint effort!  It could well be as you say.

Sue xx

Hi everyone

I did call by earlier but read all your posts and went for a good cry lol!!! Feel better now xx Like Judi thought I was ok but needed to come out.

Piglet welcome but sorry too that you re here xx Like already said just take a minute at a time some days then an hour, a day etc xx

Not much planned here today after a busy weekend, going to take some flowers to Paul later, Liam is out all day doing a football charity day for Macmillan so not seen him and Nat is still in bed!!! Think we might have takeaway together later. I bought Paul`s Dad a Fathers Day card and pressie which we took yesterday.

Well I watched the footie in our local on Friday then stayed for disco and karaoke so was a bit rough yesterday lol but had to get mysellf together as went away for night last night with my friend and had a lovely meal for a late birthday treat x Been a lovely weekend, just chilling today and doing the garden.

Looking forward to meeting in Manchester next Saturday and then seeing you all the following Saturday at Lynnes too!! Glad its keeping you busy and occupied Lynne, it really does help xxx

Like on facebook I ll send hugs to everyone who needs them and you know I am thinking of all you lovely ladies and Dave today on this difficult day. ((())))

J.u.s.t  k.e.e.p  s.w.i.m.m.i.n.g!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Helen xxx

Hi all, just a quick post to welcome Piglet and offer my heartfelt sympathy on the loss of your lovely man. Yhjere is nothing I can add to what has already been said except to reiterate that you are most welcome but sorry you find yourself having to join us.

I hope that there are not too many tears today due to it being father's day. I am just about to head off tpo my daughter's to give her a real hug. I dropped by yesterday with some white roses for her but she was not home. She is struggling so much at the moment. (2nd year syndrome I fear).

Anyway, love and angel hugs to you all x x x Patricia x x x

So sorry coz I seem to have misssed lots of posts when I came in at first. Into the middle with you all. I am just going to have to get longer arme and morew blankets to keep you all safe and warm and huddled. Be kind to yourselves. Cry if you need to but try to remember the good times too.

Lynne, (((((((special hugs))))))) A very difficult time for you.  Here if you need to talk hun. You have my number.

Bye for now. Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Ahhhh, I've been reading this thread from the sidelines for a few weeks now & often wondered what  the penguin references meant - thanks to Rosemary's post all is now revealed. Thanks very much! Best wishes to you all, you do seem such a lovely & caring bunch.

x