My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Lots of hugs for you Patricia, you are always holding the rest of us up.  Hope you see a little improvement soon.  I also am in the midst of a pretty large meltdown which started last night when talking to SIL.  I was so tired of hearing about her perfect daughter and perfect grandchildren.  Don't think I will answer the phone tonight if she calls to see how I am.  Just some days can't deal with people like that even though she has been very supportive. 

I have got myself a penguin!  A gift from my new friend Teri.  Now I need to think of a name for him.  Thank you Teri.

Lots of hugs for all who need them, I will pull myself out of the pit once again in a day or so.  Only 2 weeks left to work and then I can relax a little and have 8 weeks off.

Afternoon girls

Just dropping by with love and (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) for all..... You sound as if you are in need of them............ I find that crystal balls are not always needed - what you don't say speaks volumes......if that makes sense????

More love and comforting ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) till later.........

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello lovely penguins,

I´m still here and think I am doing okay then hit a moment and it all crashes down again.  Just feeling incredibly lonely and want my lovely man back.  I was sitting tonight with a cuppa enjoying the sun watching the kids play and could imagine Wully coming home from work on a Friday night, scooping up his boys and then getting changed into his shorts and sitting with me enjoying a cold beer.  He loved the sun.  This time last year (I know I need to stop torturing myself) on the Friday night was the last time we had a "normal" conversation and by the Saturday he had lost it.  Just feel incredible sadness and pining for my best friend.  I "think" I bought a new car today on a slightly more positive if not a bit mad note.  What better way to cheer yourself up but go and spend money on a car I don´t need lol.  I haven´t committed yet and will wait until Monday before signing the paperwork.  Well better go and get the boys to bed.  I was going to go out tonight but just can´t face it.  I think I just need to retreat into my shell for a few days and be miserable and get it out my system.  Thinking of you all.

Gayle xxx

Oh Gayle - I can't put right what is wrong and missing from your life and I feel so sad for this - but instead will offer ((((((((((cyber-hugs))))))))))) in the hope that they will comfort you a little............

Love and more squeezy (((((((((hugs)))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Gayle My heart is breaking for you, There is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better. Sending you ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))  is the best I can do

Love Teri

Evening all! Gayle and Patricia (and of course ALL of you who would like to), Come and snuggle on the ledge.... no hang on it's raining..... come into the lounge, I'll get the kettle on and we can watch the rain falling on the flowers and see the sunset together and huddle up safe, letting out the hurt when we need to. xxxxxxxxxxx

Bren, it is very hard sometimes listening to other people's happiness but I am sure your SIL doesn't mean to hurt you. Keep on smiling if you can. Don't fall into that awful pit. Penguin hugs from me and a helping hand onto the 'ledge with Rosemary.

Gayle, this has to be one of the hardest times of your young life. I feel so bad for you. You are such an amazing person and you are doing a sterling job with your boys. The great sadness (besides the death of your lovely man Wully) is the certain knowledge that whatever yur wee boys do their wonderful daddy is unable to see them. I truly believe, however, that our loved ones are with us in spirit. These warm and hazy days are dredging up all kinds of emotions it seems. Try to pick out the nice memories and throw out the bad ones.  Mmmmm............ easy to say, much, much harder to put into practice.  (((((((((((((((many penguin hugs))))))))))))))))))) now go and join bren in the middle of the huddle on Rosemary's ledge.

Love and angel hugs to everyone.  Hope you are not too disapointed with the goalless draw from the England team.   x x x Patricia x x x

Thanks ladies and think I will join you for a cuppa Rosemary.  You are right Patricia - the thing that hurts me the most is when I watch the boys - they have changed and grown up so fast and I was just thinking today that Wully didn´t really know them past being toddlers rather than the young boys they have become.  But like you I do believe that he is watching down on them and I hope he continues to protect them throughout their lives.  Ewan made him a fathers day card today. 

Thanks for the text Lynne - I fell asleep lol and just woke up.  Will no doubt be up half the night now!

Gayle xxx

p.s. Patricia - great football score lol!  France is the team to win!!!!   :-) (now waits on the pelters from you all....)

Hi all , just a quick one as the pub becons (i have my reasons lol ) Big HUG  to Gayle , hang on hun your doing fine , we'll be both be glad when these next couple of weeks are over . I've got step daughter coming down tommorow (hence i need a drink today ) lt was fathers day last year that she saw her dad before he was to ill to really know what was happening so i knew tommorow was going to be bad , but as its 13 for lunch i'm hoping that takes my mind off things . I have been ok but i know its only the planning of the charity that is keeping me "up" , i even got some thigs off a local councillor yesterday (i am getting very bold lol ) Any way must get ready hugs to all Hope everybody has a pleasant weekend xxxxx

Hi Everyone,

I´ve had an okay today.  Bit of an emotional rollercoaster and I am okay one minute and not the next.  I decided to spend the day with the boys having some quality time together since its not something we get to do often.  I bought my new car in the end.  Very excited about getting it although it is very similar to what I have already but a better model so much nicer to drive.  This is a sports model (yes I am a girl racer!).  I will pick it up on Wednesday.  The boys loved the car showroom and the guys there let them sit in one of the fancy sports cars.  I was sweating lol.  Then I took them shopping and bought them some new games and we had lunch out.  Then Jamie decided to go in that bubble that I posted on FB.  I was like are you sure lol? But he was like it looks great.  Its just a big ball that he got zipped into and then they inflate it and throw it into a pool and he rolls about inside it.  He loved it and it was funny watching him keep trying to stand up then go flying.  We all went for ice cream and finished off the night watching a movie together before they went to bed.  I´m now shattered!  Hopefully I will sleep tonight as tomorrow will be hard even though Monday is the actual anniversary.  My mum and dad and sister and her boyfriend will come over at some point.  I wasn´t sure what I wanted to do (apart from going to the beach) but they have all invited themselves which is fine.

Anyway, I am away to have a cup of tea and watch a dvd before trying to get an early night.  Fingers crossed.

I hope everyone else is having an okay weekend and thank you all for the texts.  It means a lot to me to know that I have you all here supporting me.  I couldn´t do it without you all.

Gayle xxx