My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Well done everybody on the RFL today!!!!! And yes Sue your message was lovely. All in our thoughts xxxxx

Judi s back!!!!!! great pics on facebook. Cant wait to hear the tales xxx

I had a lovely night last night, shame about the footie but we didnt lose. Yes Ailsa I got a lovely boquet of flowers and a gorgeous watch. Very spoilt!!! Last treat next weekend hee hee!!

Been ironing most of the day and decided to swap furniture round between 2 rooms!! Not easy moving dining room table and leather couches by yourself but I did it lol!! Not finished yet so back to it and get everyone else`s news later

Byeeee

Helen xxx

Hi everyone

I have spent the last hour reading through all your posts ..... I missed you guys!

There is absolutely no point in me even beginning to attempt to reply to everyone's news so please just accept Greek hugs and kisses from me. 

It was lovely - not a cross word between Boy and I ..... do you think that may have been something to do with the fact that he REALLY DID mean that he was going to chill and recharge his batteries ..... my god that Boy can sleep!!  No really, it was the most laid back, relaxed week ever.  The island has changed hugely in some ways since I live there.  There is no 'tourism' at all now (approx 5000 a week when I was there) but is now very popular with extremely rich Athenians ....... hence the five pound a pint or 6 pound a G&T!!!!!  After I got over the initial shock I just thought, you know what, this is a one off - just deal with the consequences later, after all ....... for everything else there is MasterCard! lol

Only had two slightly tipsy nights .... I know, I know Lynne and Helen ...... but I did manage to raise a glass to you all every single evening.  The pool was a huge bonus as by Thursday the heat was incredible.  We ate out every night, did have one very warm, very emotional, very lovely long chat about Ed.  I was able to just put to bed a few 'muddled thoughts' I had had going round my brain.  So it was lovely, bliss and relaxing.   There were actually two people that did eventually approach me and ask if they knew me lol!  One was the owner of a lovely restaurant that I took my mum to for her 50th birthday in 1984 ..... he told Boy that I was a very young looking mum and that was why he wasn't sure if it was me!!!!  teehee. And the other was the husband of the English girl that looks after the house I rented.  He was 14 when I was there but remembered me!!  Of course today a few tears when you come back into the house, but those are to be expected and almost welcomed - a case of realising how far we travel and how much happens in our lives I think.

Anyway, enough about me and mine - Sue I loved your pictures of the RFL and Ailsa well done you.  If I have left out any other Olympians I am doffing my cap as I type.   Lynne - glad that you have found a tradesman that you feel comfortable with .... I hope his name is George, just explain to him that I would feel much happier knowing that was the case!  Gayle darling, just you keep on with the Night Nurse and STOP RUNNING YOURSELF INTO THE GROUND!!!  and come and see me soon.  Need to give you a hug to make you feel better. 

Lesley, you are an inspiration and a marvel at putting things into words so well.  I know that all the possible changes might seem a little daunting to cope with but I am absolutely sure that with your attitude you can do any or all.  Go girl.

Helen, so glad that you have had ..... oh what's that ...... they are still going on and haven't finished yet .... that you have had so many treats - you deserve each and every one.  Now just you stay a lovely mummy until the exams are finished - ok.  Fiona - I am glad that Charlie boy is better.  You know that I often think about yuo down there in Galloway, I think that I might try to pop down later this summer.  I might even be brave and try to drive down!  We could go out for supper and I could get a cuddle from the wee man - what do you think?

Rosemary - special (I have no idea how these would be spelt but this is what they sound like) FILAKIA  - it means kisses in Greek. I think that there are so many changes and moves happening that your head must be in a whirl.  But personally I think that even a whirling headed Rosemary is fairly amazing person, so just let yourself get used to the 'new' way, you will cope, and give the dogs a squeeze from me (and Joe & Kat).

I am going to sign off for now, but will be back later and catch up with everyone else.  Loads of hugs to you all. Thanks for being you. 

Judes xxxx

Well, what an amazing morning.   The weather was perfect - blue skies, just  a bit of wispy cloud, and a cooling breeze.  The atmosphere was indescribable - 6000 women and their supporters all on the same wavelength. Wow!  Our local radio station hosted it, with the 'nivea' boys helping with the warm-up.  My friend walked with me, and the girls atarted off running; helen and Ella ran alll the way, but the others gave in and travelled more sedately! Napoleon walked all the way in my arms, and made friends with a labrador. We're already making plans for next year - fancy dress!! - and hope we'll be able to top our total - about £700 at the last count.

thanks everyone for your comments on FB - I really felt that I was doing it for all of us.

Judi, so glad you're back, and that you and boy managed to chill - yes, they can sleep for England; Alice surfaced at 6.30 one evening last week. Nuff said.

helen, this is one mammoth birthday celebration, and it's still going on - go, girl.

ailsa, hope your RFL went well, and the weather held out for you.

It sounds as though bren and Teri had a fab meet in canada - how amazing to go all that way, and find a penguin living round the corner from your sister!  coincidence? Don't think so.

Lynne, am going to put vouchers in the post tomorrow - you can either use them separately or lump them together.

gayle, as auntie Judes says, slow down or you'll meet yourself coming back (stupid saying, but you know what I mean!)   i went at 100 miles an hour for months after alan died, then my body put the brakes on and said enough is enough.  Take care, my friend.

Fiona, your little man sounds so adorable - glad he's better.

Manda - or should it be captain Pugwash?? -, what an honour  at the christening - emotional, i imagine, but wonderful nonetheless.

don't i just go on!! sorry, my friends - lots of love to Lesley, Dave,quill, Dott and all the rest of the huddle as well.

sue xx

Lovely lovely lovely  , thats fot Judi , what a brilliant account of your fab holiday  , cant wait to hear more .. And Sue i'm so proud of you hun , i know what a emotional day it will have been for you , give Napolian a pat on the back too .. Thank you so much for the vouchers hun , i really feel things are coming together now . xxxxxx

Hi everyone.  Well done doing the RFL today Sue.  Ours went well as well.  We raised about £450.  Rained a bit here and there but soon figures out that each time I took my waterproof off the heavens opens so just left it on in the end.  Absolutely poured after we got home though.  My lovely neighbour cooked for us all after the race so now I am shattered and just waiting for a suitable time to go to bed.

Welcome home Judi.  We missed you as well.  Your photos on FB are great.  It looks like you & Boy are having such a lovely, relaxing time.  It was quite amazing that 2 people recognised you. 

Thanks everyone for all the messages of encouragement today.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Evening everyone,

Judi - what a fantastic holiday!  Sounded like just what you needed and quality time with boy too.  The photos were fab but glad your back - missed you x  I will be round for that hug as feel I will need it.

Sue, Ailsa - very proud of you and loved the photos too.  I too had a wee cry when I saw the message for the penguins.

Helen, glad you had a lovely evening - so good to see you happy.

I had a lovely evening with the girls on Friday.  I have really missed doing stuff like that over the years and its good to be doing it again.  Although very bad hangover yesterday - felt so ill yesterday although on a positive note I think the alcohol finished off my cold.  Just got a runny nose now lol.  Made lots of plans too for upcoming weekends so lots of things to look forward to including T in the Park!!!  Think I may be too old but I don't care - can't wait!

Well I was doing alright till this afternoon.  I think probably because I have been so busy.  I hate Sundays when I have to stop.  So sorry ladies but think I need to go at 100mph again at least for a few more days.  Had quite a few tears this afternoon as I am now on the "countdown".  All of this time last year events.  Wully went back into the hospice on the Wednesday and died on the Sunday at 11.55pm.  All I can see today is him begging me crying like a child not to send him back to the hospice.  He was only supposed to be there 2 weeks to give me respite.  I was absolutely exhausted and couldn't cope but the guilt I feel now is wearing me down and I just keeping seeing his distraught face.  I know he forgives me but I don't forgive myself for it.  Jamie caught me crying and gave me a cuddle and said that everything will be alright because he will wish that daddy didn't die and wishes always come true.  If only they did.  Then Ewan was sobbing going to bed that he missed his daddy because he was so far away and that he couldn't remember him anymore.  I told him its okay he can talk to him and he said no he can only hear us at the beach.  I also told him that I will be there for him forever and he said but you always go away to work.  Kick me when I'm down or what.  I have to work - a. so that they can have the best life possible as its just me now providing and b. for my sanity.  Still doesn't make you feel any better though does it.  Anyway, enough of my moans.  I will just need to dig very deep this week for that strength that everyone thinks I have as I don't know how I am going to do it.  Maybe if I take a packet of night nurse I would sleep till next Monday (just kidding!). 

I am off with work for the next couple of days so that will get me away and my friend is coming with to stay with me when I'm away so that will keep me busy till Wednesday at least.  Then I will just need to stop and face it all.

Take care penguins.

Gayle xxx

Aaah Gayle, sending you big hugs and having tears with you reading your post. You are doing fab with those boys and know that keeping so busy is your way xxx Look after yourself too though xxx We ll always feel guilty about what we do but know we are all doing the best we know how xxx

Thanks for your wishes, I am happy at the moment but like you say feel guilty too xxx The kids are cool with it all so that is my only worry so am just going to enjoy xxx

Looking forward to seeing you all in a few weeks xxx

Judi your hols sound fab, so pleased for you xxx Yes I have been so spoilt this year. The kids are doing well with their exams up to now, not too many tantrums xx

Hugs to all you lovely penguins xxxx Bedtime for me soon

Helen xxx

Thanks Helen.  Do you know what started it was the two of them were out playing and the wee one (who is so little you could fit him in your pocket) had the big one pinned down (who wears age 8 clothes) on a trampoline and was punching lumps out of him.  They were just playing and it was so funny but you go to turn around and say Wully come and see this because it was so funny.  But there is no-one there to share it with.  Ahhh someone come and kick me up the bum! 

Anyway I'm off now as have 4 hour drive in the morning and still have work to finish and bag to pack.

Gayle xxx

Gayle I don't know what to say that would make any difference.  Your post has me in tears.  Take care and be careful with your drive tomorrow.  Ailsa xxx

Gayle, you have been such a help to me and I don't know what to say to make you feel any better. Please know I am thinking of you this week, sending hugs to you and your boys. xxxx