My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Dave if Paul was still here a 50" tv would have been in my front room by now!!! I will settle for the 42 " he bought last time lol!!! I must admit I am looking forward to the footie starting too!!!

Been out for a few pre birthday drinkies tonight so taking a while to type this hee he!!

Lesley glad you ve had a good day and enjoy the weekend, my birtthday plans look to last for a couple of weekedns lol xxx

Bug higs everyoen

Helen xxx

it's my Alice's birthday tomorrow as well - she'll be 20!!

Hello everyone,

Sorry to hear your dad isn't doing too well Lynne - must be a big worry for you so I am sending you extra hugs.  Glad to hear that you are pleased with the builder though! 

Helen, have a good day tomorrow and glad to hear the celebrations will be lasting a couple of weekends - your keeping the side up lol!

Dave - TV sounds fantastic.  I am supporting France :-)  Couldn't think of a team to support so a friend and I decided to pick a team at random and thats what came up so we have put a tenner on them each and if they win we are going to Paris to celebrate - whats the chances lol???  Not sure about the moving house.  I needed to move to be nearer my parents but it was very emotional but in some ways I think it has helped and in others it hasn't as I think my problems and emotions are still the same but just in a different location and at times I miss Wully more as there are no reminders here of him so I felt guilty at leaving him behind when I first moved.

Rosemary - hope the kitten continues to be okay.  Bren - how did the first international penguin meet go? 

Great to hear that you are still doing well Lesley - its a boost to us (I feel) when one of the penguins are on the up!

Hugs to everyone else and hope you are all doing as okay as you can.

I'm still not back to feeling better but getting there slowly.  Spent another day in the house today so now have serious cabin fever.  I've got Jamies school concert tomorrow (which he is singing a solo at) and then I have the AGM for the playgroup and I am resigning as a committee member.  I just don't have the time and I have done my bit for 4 years.  Bit sad about it though as it has big links to my "old" life and when Wully died I donated a large sum on money to them as I knew how much he loved the place the same as I do.  So I have done my little farewell speech.  Oh well life needs to move on and I need to be practical about my time.  Wully always told me off for doing too much so I do need to give in and realise I can't do everything all the time.  I am still doing fairly okay emotionally at the moment - had a little moment last night when I came across some pics on my pc but I had a little cry and then I was okay.  I was talking to my sister about it and she was trying to be helpful and say the anniversary is just another day and I felt like shouting but its not!!!  Its the day I lost my best friend and it will never be just another day.  I know she was trying to help but usually she says the most unhelpful things lol.

Well signing off and I am actually going to go to my bed.  No doubt I will be up in a few hours but hopefully not.

Night night

Gayle xxx

Evening All,   Sorry i have not posted for a few days, been really busy with one thing and another. Well i got my kitten on Sun his name is Bud and he is a wee cuttie but keeping me on my toes i forgot what it was like to have a kitten so much energy and of course making sure it doesn't get out. I only had it about an hour when i get a phone call from my dad to say he had fallen so i had to rush out there and see to him. He had a gash on his shoulder so we had to phone nhs out of hours to see if we could get someone to come and have a look at it. we phoned at 4 o'clock and a nurse finally come at 9 o' clock at night five hours we waited. He had the doctor in yesterday to check him over as thats two falls in a fortnight. He is ok and he is just failing and very unsteady on his feet. They are going to get him care call in. It is such a worry, my sister going away on hols so it's only me for a fortnight.

I have been out at Kim's friends wee girls 1st birthday tea tonight, i also have had Charlie the last two days, so feeling shattered tonight. Work tomorrow then Charlie on Thurs but keeping me busy and i am sure it's the best thing.

Lynne your pics are lovely, sorry to hear your dad not well. Helen i hope you have a lovely birthday. Gayle i hope you feel better soon take care of yourself. Rosemary what a shame for your daughters kitten i hope it's ok.  Dave i hope you enjoy the footie on your new tv. Lesley i feel the same as you don't like being in the house now either. You are doing well with all your classes i am trying to go a walk everynight for some exercise, i really need to lose weight. Ailsa you are always so busy you seem to be getting on with your garage.   Hope everyone else is doing ok. Well this post has taking me about an hour to write as kitten will not give me peace, hopefully i will get some photos on to facebook so you can all see him.  Sending you all Hugs Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx     

A very early good morning to you all!

Fell asleep reading, far too early and after a good sleep woke at abot 4:15! I will pay  for it later.

Happy Birthday Helen, I hope you manage a reasonable day. Mine was not so bad with help from my friends!

Am out today on a field trip, should be fun, badly behaved children in a field and it is raining!!!! Never mind at least I will be out and about, not bothered about getting self wet as swimming after work!

Fiona your kitten sounds cute, must put pics on FB soon.

Gayle, yes I am filled with hope too when someone on here is going through happier times, I think it is a reminder that we can be happy, just different happy. I know I will never be the person I was with Colin, I can't be because he was part of who I was, part of me. I am at a time when lots of changes are happening for me and yes I have cried because of them, they are out of my control, I wish some of the changes could have waited a year or so but.....  

David has now accepted the job in Blackpool and they will relocate in the next year, I lose my job shortly, I would love to live somewhere else and there are some lovely areas just outside Blackpool, really pretty villages but the thought of selling, packing, buying a new house, moving in and finding new employment all seems rather daunting on my own. However, the alternative is what? Stay here an hours drive away in an area I don't particularly want to live in, not being able to hold my little man whenever I need to? I suppose the job part can be easily solved, as I could go on supply anywhere in the country as I am qualified and can drive, I could do this whilst looking for a job I really want to do.

Sorry for early morning rambling, just thinking out loud!!!!

Have a good day  xxx

Morning all . Gayle i do hope your feeling a litte better today and i hope you manage to get done all you need to do today . Don't beat yourself up about having to give your post up at play group you can only do so much and your doing more than your share . Hope you managed a good sleep xx

Lesley wow so many changes but you seem to be well " sorted " i'm impressed hun at how you are dealing with things and as most of us believe " everything haappens for a reason " .xx

Fiona , oh my goodness what a worry for you and with your sister being away too , just remember to take care of your self too . My da is back at the docs today to see if the infection has started to clear up yet but he does get very down that its almost 2 years since he had his "big op "and he still cant eat or drink normal but like i tell hin , he is alive , not sure if its  the right thing to say to a man who is still grieving his wife but not sure really how to help him , i think even the docs at the hospital have had enough now and dont know how to help him , i'll shut up on that subject it makes my blood presure go up ..

Well as i said yesterday the builder came baack with a very good qoute and i'm not even going to try and get another 1 , my boss used him and said he was reasnable , i will now ask him for quotes for the other jobs i need doing . Have a good birthday Helen , sounds like its off to a good start lol xx

 Patricia , how is the little girl ? Hope you managed some sleep too .. Amanda , well done to your friend on doing the RFL in Miles name and well done for organisint the Manchester meet , i'm still gutted i cant make it so we've defo got to do another one pleeese xx Sue , when does your redundancy start , have you any plans yet hun ?

Ailsa hope you enjoyed your shopping , bought anything nice ? Anybody know when Judi gets back ? Thank you for the picture last night Rosemary it was beautiful xx

Take care to all i've not mentioned ..

Lynne xx

Hi everyone.  I think I might be a bit too tired to post anything that makes sense so maybe I should just say I hope everyone is okay this evening.  I have read all your posts but will post properly when I have had some sleep.  I have tomorrow off as I am having a bench delivered for the back garden.  That means I will have plenty of time to come on and catch up with you all.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxxx

Hi everyone

Just wanted to let you know that Teri and I met on Monday, we had a lovely talk.  Poor Teri has not seen much of our usually beautiful June weather, I do hope it clears up and warms up for the rest of her visit.  We will go out tomorrow and hope to get some pics for you.

Fiona, the kitten sounds like so much fun.  I have passed up two chances for free kittens and I do want one so much but being away most of the summer would not be good and my old guy would not be happy either so I am being strong and will wait a while.  Hope your dad is doing better, it is hard when they get ill. 

Lesley and Helen, I am glad you enjoyed your birthdays.  Lesley, so many changes for you.  I couldn't imagine packing up this house, far too much to clear out first.  I do hope this is the beginning of a really good change for you.

Ailsa, sounds like you have had a good day shopping and Lynne you are so ambitious with your garage!  I would like to paint my living room, we had planned to paint it last summer but that didn't happen, I just am not that energetic rigiht now, maybe when I have some time at home in August.  I don't really mind painting, it is all the moving of furniture and taping and getting ready that wears me out.

Patricia, wish I could help you sleep hun.  Dave I think we ladies need to go over and watch a chick flick on your new tv.  You are doing so well with the boys.

falling asleep on the keyboard so will say good night for now.  Be good to yourselves.

Morning everyone.  What a difference a little sleep makes!.  One thing I have very little problem with is sleep.  Like you Lesley I didn't sleep well at first but now I usually do.  I still remember what a lack of sleep feels like though so I worry about those of you not sleeping well.  I feel very muggy when I don't sleep.  I woke up at 3:30am on Tuesday morning and ended up at work at 6:20am in an effort to do something useful with the time.  I really hope you all find a solution very soon.

It seems a lot of us have trouble spending time at home on our own.  I will not be moving but I don't spend any time sitting, relaxing in the house like Chris & I used to.  I live in hope of that fixing itself at some point as I love my house.  I used to go visiting a lot but now I spend a lot of time working on the house.

Lynne good luck with the kitchen.  After finishing clearing and organising the garage I am ready for the next bit.  The builder came yesterday to write down all that I need done and he will drop me off an estimate in the next few days.  He will also provide the electrician.  I need a joiner to do the frame for my new round window though so I will speak to Chris's brother about one today.  Once I speak to a joiner I will know what size the round window needs to be.  The electric meter is being moved on Friday.  When I see you in July I would love to visit Gordon with you and see all your hard work in person.  I bet it is even better than on the photos.  The shopping was good and I got some clothes and sandals so didn't let the side down!!!  I hope your Dad is okay today.

Lesley there are some lovely places around Blackpool.  If you decide to move every good luck with it.  I undersand how daunting it seems but if it would make you happy it needs to be investigated.  I have a possible date for my eldest daughter and my grandson moving back up here - first weekend in July.  I can't wait and Becky & Declan are really excited as well.  The downside is moving all her belongings up.  Because she had to move house just a couple of months ago she can't rent up here for a couple of months so they will live with me for a few months.  We will be going up and down the motorway in the summer having some weekends packing up her stuff and getting it ready to move up.  Enjoy your pilates tonight Lesley.

Gayle is there any sign of you feeling a little better yet?  Sorry about the playgroup but I think it is a sensible decision.  You will still be able to get involved and support them but you work very hard.  Are you still working from home?  Your 3 hour trip to and from work would spoil it for me.  How was the concert?  I bet Jamie's solo was lovely - very proud moment.

Fiona your new little kitten sounds like great fun.  Rosemary how is Sam's kitten recovering?  What a fright for yu all.  I hope you got some of your jobs done at least.  The sunset from the ledge was beautiful.

Manda have you got the problems with the street festival sorted out yet - I hope so.  Sue I hope Alice had a lovely birthday yesterday - I'm sure you will have made sure she did! 

Dave - 50 inch TV for the footie - enjoy!  I am really excited for it all to start.  Chris would have loved it.  He had me get shirts printed up with his name on the back for all the kids so we are all ready.

Bren it was great to hear you and Teri have met up.  Enjoy today and I will hope for some nicer weather for you.  I am looking forward to the photos.

Well enough of me banging on - I enjoy posting in the mornings lol - hope everyone has a good day.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Lynne and fiona I do hope bith your dad's are having a better day today. Such a worry. I thank God every day thaqt my own dear dad enjoys relatively good health all things considered.

Hope Bren and Teri have a good day out today. I did put in a good word with Him above for good weather but he may not have been listening at that point.

Well I hope that all you football fans have a good time watching the games over the weekend. I am hoping it is not noisy through the day as I am on nights all weekend and any little sleep I met get will be very precious to me. Oh well, time will tell.

Well I must go now as I am on battery power att he moment. It appears we have a power cut. Or did I forget to pay the bill????? No, it is definitely a power cut. 

To all you penguins.....  Work hard,...  Play harder.... Cry if you must.... Laugh when you can.... Be kind to yourselves..... Smile instead of frowning it is a much better look. 

Love and angel hugs to you all.  x x x Patricia x x x

p,s, Lynne the last time I heard Charlotte was still heavily sedated and still ventilated. May God keep her in his loving care.