My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Judi,   Charlie a lot better thanks. Hope you and boy have a great hols get that packing done. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Hugs to all my lovely penguin friends, Thanks for all your ((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) today on F/B they all mean so so much. I always read your posts and wish that I could give you all a proper hug.
My love Quill xxxxxxxx

Just before I go off to bed as well can I just say looks like my order for sunshine for Sue & Rosie tomorrow worked.  If the weather forecast is right for tomorrow looks like most of us are in for a nice day.  Take care everyone and try to sleep well.  Night Quill, Judi & Fiona - glad Charlie is getting better.  Ailsa xx

xxxx

Evening everyone,

Thank you for your texts and messages on FB today - it helped a lot.  Been a bit tearful on and off but survived the day.  My mum sent me a text first thing (she barely knows how to work a phone lol) checking I was okay and reminding me that I was to remember it was a happy day which got me going.  I think someone forgot to tell that to Wully though as he cried the whole day!  He was such a softie - either that or he was thinking oh god what am I letting myself in for :-)  We were married in Tobago with all my family there and an adjoining room with my parents haha!!!  It was a happy day and I will end my day remembering that after having a nice cuddle with Jamie in his bed.  We had a fantastic band and minister Mr Claude Cowie who sat us down beforehand and explained what marriage meant and that I should always call Wully Mr Tulloch in public because if others heard me saying that and saw the respect I had for him then they too would respect him and me - sounds silly but so true.  (He was also the local fireman) and the girl in the band took Wully and I's hands at the end of the night and sang to us in the dark on the beach the whitney houston song I will always love you.  It was magical and luckily I have a photo of that moment. 

I am now going to try and remember what everyone else said!  Dave, you know we have had conversations about this before.  We need to be happy for our own sanity and we will be one day.  I know that I will want to meet someone one day and settle down and they will never be Wully but I hope that I will have a different special relationship with someone else one day if that makes sense.  Helen, glad you had a lovely time and enjoy the happiness - we know it can be a rollercoaster so savour every good day as it makes the bad days more bearable.  Lynne, where would I be without you?  You look after yourself (I know its easier said than done) and looking forward to seeing you again.  We will need to plan a holiday for you and the other penguins to visit me!  Judi, you always know the right thing to say - thank you.  You are going to have a fantastic holiday and I am so glad you have settled into your new job well.  I am sure it was just the tonic you needed.  Ailsa, thank you your words make perfect sense and I am trusting that what you say is true as you have been through it that I will feel a bit better after the 21st.  Sue, enjoy your meet tomorrow, Patricia, good to hear the photos were nice and that was great about the marathon.  Rosemary, Fiona, Dottee, Quill - sending you hugs back too.  Alfie, I hope you get on okay on holiday and keep busy.  You are now a fellow penguin and we will help you as much as we can.  I am okay with department stores as Wully hated shopping with a passion.  Its supermarkets and DIY stores I really struggle with for the same reason you mentioned.  I avoid going anywhere family orientated and thats partly why I moved to the middle of nowhere to avoid suburbia where I lived before.  Ahhhh I am now running out of memory and I am sure there is something or someone I have forgotten to mention.  Midge - so sorry for your loss and we will help you if you need us.  Bren, glad you had a good relaxing day and like you said - you obviously were due it.  Teri - not long till your holiday - I am sure it will do you the world of good.  Lesley, hope you are doing well.

Right I'm signing off as I have completely run out of memory.

Thanks again for the support - it means the world to me.  Even just posting last night how I felt made a huge difference (and a bucket load of tears).

Gayle xxx

I have no chance of naming everyone now so please just accept my wholehearted love and support for all you are dealing with right now. Those going on holidays I hope you have a fab time.

Gayle you have really touched my heart with your very moving post. How you are getting by I just can't imagine.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Morning all . Well like Patricia i know i will struggle to remember everybody now and my brain is usually at its best first thing , its just all down hill after that . Dont appologise for the long posts it gives me something to read on my phone in the night , beats a good book any day , i'm sure this thread will be a best seller one day (In steps Rosemary ) Its great to see how people are changing (i'm not using the words "moving on " ) cos i'm not sure what they mean , i dont want to move on , i went to get on and i'm sure thats what we are all doing . Thank you all for your concern , i am fine really and sorry for my wingey post yesterday . It is just the lack of sleep that worries me but i know most of us on here struggle with the lack of quality sleep . Gayle once again you've had me in tears my heart has gone out to you from our first meet , as your just 1 year older than my lovely daughter and you have had so much to cope with , i'm always here for you and BRING ON JULY CANT WAIT .... Well thats it my brain is all used up a lot quicker this morning .. I will try and get on tonight with brain cells intact  Oh just remembered Sue have a good day , so glad ou've got a meet at last xx Good luck to Terti and Bren too , how exciting , a meet in Canada ...

Take care all

Lynne xxxx

Sue, I hope you have a good meeting with Rosie, she is as you say an amazing young lady.

Gayle, Rosemary, Alfie, Midge, Mike, Fiona, I hope you are feeling a little better today. You all seem to be having a difficult time at the moment. Here I am to offer love and support to you all and hoping it helps in some small way.

Lynne, so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time sleeping. It has become a way of life for me now and it is official 'I am an insomniac'. The only way I actually get any kind of beneficial sleep is to make myself so exhausted that I just cannot keep my eyes open for a second longer. Even then I sleep for no longer than two hours. I hope that you soon start to get some quality sleep again. I wish I could suggest a remedy for you.

Judi, do please try to pack your holiday bags just a little bit sooner than one hour before travelling just in case there is any last minute dramas. You don't want to have to go without your white trousers and pretty tops now do you?

Helen, Manda, Bren, Teri, Dave, Lesley, Ailsa and anyone I may have missed along the way, I hope you have the best day you can.

My plan for today is to go shopping in Castleford although my plans usually go wrong. We shall see.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

p.s. Ailsa, let me know when you fancy meeting and I will see if I am free.

Morning lovely penguins xxx

Gayle it all sounds so magical xxxx Lovely memories but I know it all makes it harder to remember somehow xxx I agree with Ailsa, the build up and the week of Paul`s anniversary was so up and down and emotional but I feel so much more settled since it has passed. Still cant believe it has been a year xxx

Like Lynne said I dont think we are `moving on` just making the best of what life has thrown us. For our sanity we do have to find happiness in whatever way we can or each want to x I am still questioning my every step at the moment even though I have met a funny, lovely, kind person. He s not Paul and so different from Paul but I know with all the conversations I had with before Paul died I have got Paul`s blessing and I thank him so much for that but I m still fighting myself about it all xx Not sure how I beat that but suppose like you all say just take each day.

Alfie very wise words from Judi (as always!!) I can only echo them, no more words of wisdom xx

Judi I am so pleased this job has brought back a bit of the `old` Judi. I am seeing more of the `old` Helen lately and I like that. Thought she was gone.

Lynne you take care, up early again today xx Cant wait for July!!!!!

Quill was thinking of you yesterday xxx

Well I m off for `brunch` with my 2 best friends today, we havent got enough time for lunch lol so fitting each other in. We re going for a night out on Friday though x

Have a good day everyone, Sue I m still waiting for the sunshine here!! Hope you ve got it for your meet

Helen xxx

Yoo hoo - so where is everyone this sunny day? 

As you are not here I hope you have all felt the warmth of the sun on your face, the sound of the birds and generally been as near to peace as is possible today.

Just dropped in to say hi to all, and no I haven't so much as thought about packing yet, plenty of time for that. 

Love to all - Judi xx