My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Sue , have a lovely time at your meet.  Lynne, Gayle and Rosemary huge hugs for you all and hope you get through thesee days as well as you can.

I have a day off.  My hot water heater stopped working on Sunday and I called for service - it is rented so no worries about replacing it.  The service person was to come today so I booked off a sick day.  They called last night and he came and fixed it and was gone within 5 minutes.  So someone wanted me to have a day off!  This is really nice.  I slept in and going for my shower and will putter around all day.  It is a busy week this week and I guess I needed a day to myself and someone decided to make it happen for me.

take care everyone

I was going to say more about this time last year but the brain is not quite awake yet.  Last year at this time, my lovely husband was walking 3 miles a day to prepare for our cruise around your beautiful country.  He was we thought in better health than he had been in years.  We were so excited planning the trip and now I can't even look at the photos yet.  I am not in my black hole though, fighting that this time and so far I am not too bad.  Terrible how all of our lives change in an instant it seems. 
I am still strong enough right now to get on the outside so everyone who needs to get in the middle of the huddle, I can hold you from the outside for now.

Hi all I hope everyones ok. Well lifes as hectic as usual what with the kids .I managed to get away to my friends for the last two days in brighton.Although it was great,i had far too much time to think and am now exhausted,that ive come back.

Its not fair what has happened to all of us.Its not just taken our loved ones away.Its also taken our lives away as we knew them.

I have met a lovely girl and would love to have arelationship with her .But I just cant seperate my feelings .I know its too soon but ,if I have some chance of happiness i want to try and grab it."If only was as easy as that"

I just want my old life back again I want Nic ,but i know shes never coming back.

Thanks Dave xx

Dear Dave,

It's good to hear from you, and nice that you had a break even if it did give you time to think too much.

as far as a new relationship goes, why not just take things very slowly and focus on the friendship? que sera, sera and all that - can anyone ever say it's too early? What is right for you and the boys is what is important, and Nic wouldn't want you, i am sure, to spend the rest of your life in a state of loneliness, doing a wonderful job in bringing up your two little boys. No-one can be in any doubt about the strength of yours and Nic's love for one another, but, as you say, easier said than done.

tread slowly, Dave, and you will get there.

Hugs,

sue xx

Afternoon everyone xxx

Wow you lot have been chatting while I ve been away xx

Big hugs to Rosemary and Gayle, so many dates and memories xx Remember them all and have a few tears but smile through those tears too xxx

Welcome Midge, so sorry you re here but please join us xx

Sue enjoy your meet xx

Judi 2 weeks off!!! Thats more than me this time he he xx I dont believe it!! Enjoy xxx

Lynne hugs to you too, there so many ifs and buts we can all beat ourselves up about but it wont get us anywhere. We all did our best for our lovely men and ladies xxx

Dave good advice from Sue, Nic would want you to be happy xxx

Well I m back, and had a lovely couple of days. Keep pinching myself he he but like Sue advises I m  taking it slowly and enjoying it for what it is xxx It makes me happy and that s something we re all striving for are nt we so it cant be bad xx

Hope everyone has had a good day on a wet Tuesday, I ve been sightseeing in Liverpool this morning and had a lovely lunch. Back home to washing and cleaning lol!!

Helen xxx

Hi All,

Rosemary.  Hang in there, as bad as things can get, remembering all those special, beautiful and fantastic shared moments will help as all get through the tough times.

Dave, even though it has only been 2 months since my wife died, various people have started to offer advice about what I should or should not doing going forward.  The only person who really knows what is good for you, and is right for your heart, is you.

Helen, glad you had a lovely weekend away.  Sounds interesting !

Well, I am now finally on holiday for the first time in 2 years, and am currently writing this from a hotel room in San Francisco.  Have a couple of days here before I pick up a car and head on down the coast road, back up to Napa, and then off to Yosemite for several days of serious hiking.  As nice as it is to get away from home and work, this is the first time I have been on holiday in what must be 17yrs without Karen, and that is truly horrible.  The massive hold in my life seems even more extreme now, than at any time before.  I guess this has to be done though, as I need to get used to this is how it will be.  Btw, does anyone else find Dept Stores very difficult to go around ??  I do, maybe because everything is associated with family, home's etc....Very bizarre.

I must try and focus on all the good things.  Will take lots of photos, do lots of walking, and try and enjoy and eat as much nice food as possible, and wine of course !

Will try and stay in touch as much as possible.

Alfie xx 

Evening everyone.  Midge - welcome to our little group.  I am so sorry you need to join us but I hope you will find a little bit of comfort with us and I know you will find lots of support.  I really hope you and your family are okay this evening.

Gayle I hope you are okay as well.  Knowing how I was feeling a month ago I would reinforce what Judi said - maybe just go with your feelings for now and give yourself a little down time.  All those memories are draining and so sad but they will get less soon I feel sure.  I ran out of energy to fight anymore in the last week or so before the 2nd May but the re-living thing fading after the 2nd May and I am sure it will for you.  You are doing so much and so well.  It was such a lovely thing to do - ringing your ex admin asst after her mum died.  I'm very proud of you.  I watched your video on FB with tears in my eyes.  You will come back fighting soon but give yourself a little break just now xx

That goes for you as well Lynne.  You seem to be throwing yourself into so much for a person who isn't sleeping properly.  Please look after yourself - don't make yourself ill as I am looking forward to seeing you in July.

Patricia the wedding photos sound really nice.  Perhaps I can be bold enough to ask to see them next time you and I get a chance to meet for a coffee?  Then I can see you in your lovely outfit.  Very well done to Stuart for the running the Chester marathon.

Judi is that you all ready for Greece?  Just a few days to go now.  Have a great time and enjoy the fortnight off work.

Bren it sound like you had a really nice, impromtu, day off.  It is hard remembering the things that were happening this time last year.   Someone was talking to me about Castleton in Derbyshire at the weekend and I remembered that Chris & I were there only 13 days before he died.  He was very ill but could still get about for himself.  He couldn't have managed 3 miles like Dan though.

Alfie your holiday sounds fantastic.  It is a very clever and brave idea of yours to take yourself off on holiday by yourself.  It will do wonders for your confidence and give you time to get your head in a slightly better place with time to think.  Yes - I find dept stores hard on my own mostly because Chris loved to shop and now when I go in them they do seem to be full of families and couples.  I am looking forward to lots of stories of your adventures on your holiday.  Have fun.

Sue have a great time meeting up with Rosie31 in Bristol tomorrow.  I haven't looked at the weather forecast but I hope the rain holds off and you have a lovely day together.

Helen it seems such a long time since I was sightseeing in Liverpool but it was only April .  S'pose it is easier for you though!!  I'm glad you enjoyed your couple of days away.  Sounds like fun, take it steady and enjoy yourself xx

Dave you are so right about this awful thing taking our lives away as well as our loved ones.  I will be honest and say that right now I feel very lonely, I miss my old life as well as Chris and my confidence has taken a nose dive.  For all those reasons I agree with Sue and think that because Nic loves you so she would want you to be happy.  Take things very slowly at a comfortable pace.  Enjoy the friendship, enjoy the company.

Sorry about the marathon post everyone.  I hope yu are all okay.  Take care.  Ailsa xx

Ailsa, Ailsa don't say sorry for a long post - I love everyone's posts.  And if I had to limit mine (when I am on a roll) I don't know what I would do.

I already know that I am not going to remember what everyone has said, so please don't think that I am leaving everyone out - Joey has the brain cell tonight!

Helen, so glad you had a good couple of days - yes TWO whole weeks .... apart from the fact that I am nipping in tomorrow evening for a couple of hours as there is a function on that I have organised, and as I think I have previously said, work is now a place that I have found my 'old self' and that means a bit of a perfectionist.  So vanity is making me go just to check they follow instructions and do it right!!

Ailsa - not even slightly ready!! will probably start packing about an hour before we are due to leave.   But as long as I have some white trousers and a coupel of pretty tops I will be happy.

Midge, I am so sorry to have to welcome you here.  Ed also had bladder cancer.  Just stay with us hun, we will try to help you through these first few months.  Anytime you need a shoulder, a hug, a word, a scream - whatever, just get in touch. 

Alfie - so proud of you.  No, it won't be right, it won't even probably be good - but you are doing it and that is wonderful.  Try to appreciate what you see, what you hear, what you eat and I bet that one day in the future you will be able to look back and not necessarily say you enjoyed yourself, but I am sure that you will know that it was good for you and the fact that you managed is a huge accomplishment. (((((   ))))

Dave - glad to hear that those wonderful boys are doing well.  Of course when you get back your brains are scambled eggs, that is the way it is, but just take it slow and you will know what is right for you.  Your beautiful Nic will always love you and you her, but I think that you heart is so big that you have enough in there to share. xxxxx

I hope that Manda and H are having a good time in ..... the sun (can't remember where exactly now!) Lesley, you doing ok hun?  Fiona, is Charlie still improving, I do hope so poor wee toot.

Lynne, I just know that your evening will be a tremendous one, full of tears and laughter - which is wholly appropriate, you will be an absolute star and you will be so glad that you did it.  Horlicks (which incidentally is what my Dad used to say instead of swearing) is apparently good for sleep. 

Sue hope that you and Rosie have a great day - I have arranged sunshine for you so enjoy.  Rosemary my little cupcake - hope that you are getting to sit out and enjoy your lovely garden .. and the dogs .... and the horses .... and .... ok then, maybe not so much sitting!

Bren, you day off was obviously meant to be so enjoy when these little treats come along.  I love the idea of 'booking a sick day' - explain please so I can file this one away for future use!

Ok - that is it, I have no more thoughts in my brain - Can't go back and re read, so will have to stop. 

Gayle, you know I am thinking of you ... in fact I think you might be up here!  WIll text you. 

Loads of love to all (am not about to highlight and copy all this text incase of a no-post) Judi xxx

I meant to say I am NOW about to highlight and copy - my new trick incase things disappear! Told you Joey had the brain cell!

J x

Hi All,    Sorry Midge to hear about your sad loss, but as Sue says you have came to the right place, i don't know what i would have done without this site.  Alfie i hope you enjoy your hols. So nice to hear from you Dave you are doing a great job with your boys, i am sure they will keep you busy. I know what you mean about wanting your old life back. Sue i hope you have a nice meet. Not been nice here today rain and more rain.  Lynne Gayle and Rosemary sending you a BIG HUGS. I also am not sleeping again, i saw two this morning, things just go over and over in your mind. Like Lynne my dad a worry as he seems to just have gave up on life and we can't get him to get out his bed some days. Well think it's bedtime for me and hopefully i can get some sleep tonight. Thinking about all you lovely penguins. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx