My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening everyone,

Sending you special hugs Rosemary and I am sure it was a big kiss from Steve that you got. 

I have been a bit down since last night.  I suppose I will just have to accept that the next few weeks are going to be hard.  I stupidly phoned Wully´s phone last night at bedtime to hear his voice.  That was so painful.  I just want to shout that I want everything to stop and get back off this new life and go back to my old one.   Wish it was that easy eh!  What I would give to just have one more cuddle from him and feel his big strong arms round me telling me everything is okay and that is he going to look after me.  Its so hard on my own without him and I just feel I can´t do it.   Its our 9th wedding anniversary tomorrow and that is probably not helping along with all the lead up to the 21st.  I also got an email today to say my ex admin assistant´s mum died on Saturday and no-one had the guts to phone her so I did but could hardly speak to her as I kept choking up.  She reckons the funeral will be Saturday or Monday and I feel I really need to go but panicking about it already.  Of course I also got the email 2 minutes before I had a meeting with a client so just had to put it to back of mind and get on with it but found it difficult to get back to work.  I wish I could just go and hide for the next few weeks under the covers in my bed.  I can feel myself retreating back again into my shell and shut out the outside world.  On Saturday its the fun day at the playgroup and this time last year that was the last time Wully was out the house and the last photograph I have of him.  He was so very sick but determined to come for an hour and help.  He was supposed to count the money and kept falling asleep lol.  I just left him to it and counted it myself later when he didn´t see me doing it.  He died 8 days later.  I think I better hit post before I lose this through the tears.

Take care everyone

Gayle xxx

Hugs and kisses to you Rosemary and Gayle. I can't say anything to make either of you feel better but my thoughts and love are with you both

Love Teri

Aw Gayle, great big penguin hugs for you tonight and for the next few weeks.  I am not there yet but can only imagine how tough it is for you.  Just remember we are all here for you anytime.

love Bren

I just know that you still have tears on your cheeks Gayle, between Wully's angel kisses and all of our love they will dry again hun.  You know what, if you have to let the memories in for a few days and have some 'down time' then just you do it.  You will come back - you are such an amazing, wonderful, crazy, caring, kind, funny lady that you can do anything. xxxxx

What a beautiful kiss to blow to you Rosemary, Steve may have been an anorak, but oh my, was he one classy anorak. That is the most beautiful kiss ever.  I will watch out for kisses this way, cos unless he has power of the Air Traffic Controllers, which he may well do, they may sometimes be a little off course - but I promise to tell you about them. 

Am shattered today, finish work tomorrow for a fortnight and to a degree, workwise, I have 'my mojo' back and am too vain to leave for a fortnight without making sure everything is just so.

Loads of love to EVERY ONE of you, speak tomorrow.

Love Judes xxxx

Mikeydon, welcomne to the site that no-one wants to join but are glad they did. I wish you well in your fight with this blasted disease.

Gayle and Rosemary please accept these extra special ((((((((angel hugs))))))) to help you through the coming days.

Today I recieved a copy of the official wedding photos from Japan. They are actually quite nice (I didn't ruin them after all). The only thing which mars them is the fact that Ray is missing. It has made me quite sad as it is so obvious to me that there is an empty space. Oh well, nothing I can do about it but still sad.

I have had a lovely evening with the newly weds. Stuart ran the Chester marathon today in a time of 3 hours and 18 minutes. I don't know where he gets his energy from. They are such a happy couple it does my heart good to see them together.

Hi to everyone else. Will call again later.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

I lost my husband on Friday to bladder cancer.  It bl**dy hurts doesn't it.  My son and daughter and myself are just going round in a daze and today has been a sad day because it's my grandson's birthday and we have had to celebrate for him as he is only 8 and was so excited.  We were all exhausted at the end of today.

I was with him when he died as was my daughter and sister-in-law, sister, and 2 nieces.  It was a very peaceful death which I am extremely grateful for and the room was very calm as we shared stories about my husband and my daughter and I held his hand and told him we would love him forever and keep him in our hearts.

Midge, so sorry for your loss. It is a long rocky road you are now travelling but with help of friends on here hopefully your journey will be  little easier.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Welcome Midge, so sorry you had to join us.  You will find wonderful support from all these fantastic ladies (and Dave) on this forum.  It is so early for you, just try to be good to yourself right now.

Morning all just a quick one to send hugs to Gayle and Rosemary . Cant believe today is another special day you have to get through Gayle in this short space of time . Give your boys a lovely hug from me xxx Rosemary , your daughter sounds fantastic and loves you very much so i'm sure that Steve is proud of you and the kiss he sent you bought tears to my eyes again , that wasn;t to hard as some of you know it was my mum and dads anniversary too yesterday , he was so sad but we didn't really know how to help him . Me and my odest sis had planned to go and watch some live bands and then little sis joined us later , well you can imagine that we had a couple of drinks to our mum and the tears flowed .Like Gayle all these days leading to July mean something now . Gordon was taken into hospital this time last year with a bllod clot on his lung and all i can say is once he was home he just went steadily down hill , why didn't i see it ? I know it wouldn't have made much difference but i might have been more prepared .

Welcome Midge , you have come to the right place , some of us are on a downer at the moment but we do have some laughs too .. Keep posting hun ..

Take care all

Lynne xxxxx

Welcome, midge.

So sorry you've needed to join us, but as the others have said, you'v e come to the right place. several of us are going through the 12-month anniversry of out husbands' passsing, so we are a bit down at the moment, but i can promise you support and hugs  from our lovely lot whenever you need them. Early days for you - take things a day, an hour, a moment at a time, and be kind to yourself.

well, penguins, I'm actually having a meet tomorrow!    none of you lovely penguins, I'm afraid, but i'm meeting rosie31  (London marathon - my diary) in bristol. can't wait! The pink, fluffy one is working in town, and has a free day, so off i shall trot to her hotel. how does that young lady do it/ She puts me to shame.

Have a good tuesday, all - special hugs to Lynne, gayle, Rosemary - into the middle with you.

sue xxxxx