My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Rosemary, I am here with you too. Will just get a cold drink and then come and sit with you and Judi. Thinking of you for tomorrow and knowing that your family are thinking of you too.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi.

I am new to this site & was diagnosed tih Cancer two weeks ago (Testicular Cancer). Even though I had Stage 1 Seminoma (meaning we got it in time), I have been having a hard time ajusting to my feelings about it all as its all happended really quickiy.

I have't been able to cry or be upset about it & this was making me feel like some kind of freak, but I came across your original post tonight about your husband Chris dying last year & finally, the more I read the more i started feeling my eyes water & then I finally had a little cry.

Your story really touched me & I am SO SORRY for your loss & hope that you are coping with life now without him.

My heart goes out to you & all the others who have lost someone to Cancer.

God bless,

Mike xx

Just a quick one to say if your still on the ledge Rosemary , i'll be on it with you . I'll be thinking about you today on Steves birthday . I was in tears at Sams post to you on F/b , she says it all , bless her xxx.

Mike thank you for sharing your story and good luck to you in your own battle , so nice of you to spend some time reading our "little " thread .

Take care all , be back later

Lynne xx 

Morning all.  I was too tired in the end to post last night.  The girls were playing on the wii and it was nice they were having so much fun but if I had tried to post after the that it would not have made much sense.

Thanks for posting Mikeydon.  I am really happy that the news about your cancer is good.  It is so hard to know how to 'feel' when it comes to cancer so I am glad my story gave you some release of your emotions.

Gayle I had a look at the SATC photos.  It looks like you had a good time.  Well done shopping for the FD cards.  I think I was having the same type of vivid images of Chris as you describe of Wully as the first anniversary got closer.  Take care of yourself as I found those images wore me out which makes me concerned about you.  I stopped having them after the 2nd May because for me they coincided with what happened each day last year.  Don't be concerned about what Wully would think if he is watching you as I know he would be so very proud of how hard you work at your life.

Helen have a great time today & tomorrow while you are away.  It made me feel old when the kids had all left school but you will soon get over it especially if you're going to get winked at in the gym!!!

Judi I hope you had a lovely time at Ed's sisters.  Sorry about the confusion with your flights but you have it sorted now.  I would have made a right mess of it.  I'm sure you are getting excited now.  You can come back all relaxed and then get on with the house move.

Teri that was a lovely coincidence that you & Bren will be so near each other when you go to Canada.  Please try harder than me to get a photo of you and Bren together when you meet up!  I have been useless at remembering to get a photo of me with Patricia and then with Rosemary!  Bren I hope you are okay after your meltdown in Starbucks.  How is your motivation to tackle your chores now?  The housework really doesn't matter anyway and now you have your meet with another penguin to look forward to.

I have just remembered that both Patricia & Fiona have losts posts recently so I will post this now before doing anymore!!!  Ailsa xxx

Brill - it posted!  Can't be losing all my hard work after I have threatened for so long to post properly.

Fiona you did really well going to your school friends funeral on Friday.  It sounds like it was a fine tribute to him.  How is Charlie's wheezing now?  Is it getting any better?

Bren I forgot to say - have a really good time at the overnight retreat at the weekend.

Rosemary - lots of ((((((hugs)))))) for today.  I had my bailey's and toasted Steve last night xx

How are you doing Lynne?  You, Patricia & Sue seem to be really struggling to sleep and that must make it difficult to function sometimes.  Take care of yourselves.  I am absolutely shocking when I am tired.  It affects my memory and concentration so much.  I hope you are each finding a way to relax a little even if you can't sleep.  Sue did your neighbour manage to get the lawn done?  I don't think I have any neighbours as nice as that.  They say hello but that is about it.  I love all the avoidance tactics for ironing - break the iron, hide it in the garage - what next? 

I bet Manda & H are having a nice time in Menorca.  Lesley if I haven't said already - I thoroughly enjoyed the production of Little Voice.  I don't know how I have managed to miss the film but I am going to make sure I see it now as the production has made me want to see it as well.

Well I had better go now and see about some breakfast for everyone.  Sue - I think I had reached my 'saturation' point but I feel a little more relaxed now I have caught up with everyone on here.  I hope everyone has a good day including anyone I have missed with my posts.  Ailsa xxx

Thanks for that Canada77. I'll be watching this post from now on. Its nice that so many people are so nice on this site & everyone has helped me so much by talking to me on the Chat room.

I've made some nice cyber friends over the last day or so & intend to keep talking & posting on here for a long time to come!

Glad you are copng well.

God bless,

xxx

Evening All,  Mikeydon i also would like to say that i am happy that your news on cancer is good. Well i have been in the garden tonight again potting up some flowers, it has been a lovely day here but don't think it's to stay. Hope everyone is ok. Charlie's wheezing getting better now Ailsa thanks. I am now watching Britains got Talent. Helen i hope you enjoy your time away. Lynne how's your dad doing now?  Lesley Daniel will be growing fast can't believe Charlie is now six months. Sending everyone hugs Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Evening all, and thanks once again for all your support and lovely messages and texts, I wasn't expecting to be quite so overwhelmed but it was probably a combination of Steve's birthday, Sam partly moved out so being alone for a lot of the weekend (and then she phoned me to say she had been thinking about Christmas and would probably be staying at her place Christmas Eve but perhaps come to lunch - bless her I know it is just that her emotions have been damaged and she doesn't always think how other people will receive her thoughts, but ouch!) so as ever the night before the event becomes too much.  Then the most wonderful thing (which of course left me in total meltdown on the ledge, shivering and in a right state), ever since Steve went my very special "sign" from him has been con trail "kisses in the sky".  He loved planes and was always watching, listening on the radio, checking flight schedules (a right anorak) so that would be a way to send us his love and just every now and then a huge kiss takes me by surprise at just the right moment. So last night, as the light was fading and at a time I have never seen a con trail I looked up from the ledge and there was the hugest great X in the sky, co-incidence?  Nah, that was my man!

Today hasn't been too bad, Sam came over quite early and brought a rose for her dad's garden (Crazy for You) and then ma and pa in law came at eleven for tea and cake before going to see Sam's new house.  Worryingly father in law was very woolly today, he still hasn't picked up from his illness (when he had a kidney removed) and now they reckon it's diverticulitis but I'm not so sure he isn't actually depressed.  We were out in the garden, by Steve's memorial, looking at the new plants etc and he said "Is it the 1st June today", but still made no reply when ma in law told him no it was the 31st May and "a special day".  I think maybe he is shutting out what he can't handle, I'm going to try and get ma in law to get him back to the doctor and see if he can talk about it, mental rather than physical.  We finished the day well with Daniel joining Sam and I for a Chinese - delivered - and spent some time together, toasting Steve for his birthday and Sam for her first week on her course and in her house and now Sam is staying here again until Friday so it's a bit of normality back for a while.

So having bored you all and rambled on, I shall post this now and send you all love and hugs, I will try really hard to get on top of it all and get some personal replies to you all, I am reading and replying in my head just need to hold the thoughts and get them out to you xxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

Rosemary the con trail kiss was so meant for you from Steve.  So glad you got through today fairly intact.  I've been thinking about you all day.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx