HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDI

XXXX

Hi Everyone

3 months since Bert died and I am lost, I can do all the stuff in the house and garden, I have painted the hall and stairs started wallpapering the bathroom and I have all my pots planted up renewing everything that I lost in the winter but there is no joy anymore in doing these things without him helping me. Just as we should be planning our holidays, and thinking about where we would have gone for our 30th wedding anniversary in January. It just makes me feel so alone despite my family around me. I know I don't often post but I read them every day and everyone seems to be coping but me. I need to get back to work to try and get some normality back into my life.

Sorry I am a bit down tonight

Love Teri

Rosemary am on my way - lovely and cool you say - that must be for the people that have been basking in the sunshine today and not those of us that are back to thick cardigans and umbrellas!  Lynne, special snuggly hugs for you - I have some plain Bailey's if we don't like the Caramel variety.  I hope Sam's day went well, even if a little longer than you would like Rosemary.  Closing on the house on the same day, you are busy bees aren't you.  

Sue, SO happy that you had a lovely day with the girls, I don't know anyone who deserved a super day more than you hun ((((   )))).  Lesley, I am glad that youa re able to think like that about the redundancy and I totally understand why you would not feel motivated!  As you say, it always seems to be the ones that put themselves out the least that manage to stay safe. 

Fiona, you have my special sympathies.  When I had Man Flu the other week I felt SO rotten and even more so because I felt there was no one here to look after me!  What a wuss I am.  My dad is still very fit and well (long may it continue, fingers crossed) so can only imagine what a worry it must be to see yours so out of sorts.  How is Kim doing? 

Ailsa, I think you must have sent some of your energy up here because it is a long, long time since I busied myself as I have been.  I am still really hoping that the flat does sell, but I am not prepared to let it go for a 'silly price'.  I think it took a long time for me to get my head around the idea that just because I felt that I would like a little house for me and the dogs, it didn't mean that I was saying I this flat wasn't 'right'  - a lot of guilt about people seeing it as me saying "Oh I can live where I want to now" which isn't the case at all.  Here was perfect for me and Ed, just now there are sadly different priorities in my life and it is quite a big deal to admit to yourself that you have to be honest about what makes life easiest.  Doubt that makes any sense, but I know what I mean!  Oh, I am sure you are right about Bren, I remember her saying about getting the animals sorted etc too.

Am still waiting to hear from BA if my flights are running, I should know on Wednesday.  NOt much else to report so will sign off for now, loads of love to all.  Judi xx

Bless you Teri,

I totally sympathise with that feeling of there not being any joy in the things that you do. Nothing is the same any more & there is nothing I can say or do that will make things any better for us I'm afraid - I just wish there was. I extend my arms out to you across cyber space. 

Take care. x

Posts while I was typing.

Thank you so much Sue, have been in tears twice already just cos it doesn't seem to mean much anymore - you cheered me up - you are such a star.  PS yes to the cake - you can have the socks. 

Teri hun, I know it must seem that we are all 'coping better' but you know what, every single one of us knows exactly how you feel, honestly.  Don't be so hard on yourself, really.  I know I still have days where I can truly appreciate that lovely stuff is happening all around me and I am genuinely happy about it ...... but it can all still seem very pointless.  You just learn to deal better with it.  Then sometimes you find yourslef actually joining in with the good stuff - and that can be more a a surprise than anything else and give you a real jolt.  It is SUCH early days for you hun, and you have had so much to deal with, please please be a little kinder to yourself.  xxxxxxxx

Teri, it is only a heartbeat in time since Bert died. Of course you are finding things difficult. Most of us on here are way further down the road than you are and as for coping..... well none of us cope. We just got used to a new way of surviving. We have created a 'new' normal or are trying to.

Please don't be so hard on yourself Teri, you have a lot going on in your life right now and it is too hard to deal with. You need time and lots of it.

Keep coming here when you feel you can and we will give you as much love and support as we can.

Love and angel hugs x x xPatricia x x x

oh, my dear Teri

It is such early days yet. Most of us have learnt the hard way not to expect too much of ourselves. We've done the decorating and gardening things, but there is always the realization that the person with whom you are desperate to share things just is not here any more.

some of us are further along 'the line' than others, but if it's any consolation, we ALL still get times where we are so down that we call on each other to huddle round and drag us up aand out of the black hole in which we find ourselves. There is quite often no particular trigger for our meltdowns, and they take us by surprise.

Keep posting, hun - we will be here for you.

if you ever feel up to the task(!) it might be revealing for you if you read this thread from the beginning, where we were all truly lost souls who have found friendship and a large degree of healing just by supporting one another. So, it's into the middle of the huddle with you, and hang on in there for as long as you wish or need to.

love and hugs

Sue xx

Oh Teri, I feel so much for you, it is 8 months today for me but I feel OK. I think you must be like me, in the early months I did lots round the house, I think I just needed to keep busy. Please don't think you are on your own, some of us don't post when we are at our worst but retreat into our own protective shells.

xxxx

Hi Everyone, Well we have had another brill day, i am just in from being in the garden all night trying to tidy it up a bit, i am not much of a gardener. Feeling better but still got a thick throat, but poor Charlie back at doctor's today so the doctor he saw tonight said he had an infection in his airways so he got antibiotics for it and he has to go back on Wed, just had Kim on the phone and he is off to bed so hopefully they get a nights sleep. Kim doing fine at work Judi. I am having Charlie in the morning before i go to work at 12.30. Hope everyone doing ok tonight, i think coffee for me now and bed. Hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxxxxxxx    

Hello everyone,

Well I am at my usual busy self (sorry Lynne and Judes) but that is what keeps me sane although I am bit subdued this week.  Judi - sending you cakes, candles and loads of hugs tomorrow (I will take you out when I´m up next!).  Sue, you seem to be doing great after your terrible week but then what choice do we have.  Your anniversary day sounded lovely surrounded by family and I am glad it went as well as could be expected.  Lynne, special hugs.  Fiona, glad you are feeling a bit better and hope the antibiotics help out poor Charlie.  Rosemary, glad Sam´s day went well and hope you are okay.  Teri, I am so sorry but as everyone else has said we all know how you feel and all feel the same but maybe less frequently.  Its hard to describe but at first when I lost Wully I felt like I was on a beach and the waves kept washing over me fast and regular.  Now they come and they are still the same size but less frequent.  But when they come they knock you down and still feel as terrible and raw as before.  My way of coping as is a lot of peoples is to put a happy, carefree face on.  People think I am tough and strong but it is a front.  At home behind closed doors its a different story and only one that I can share on here.  Be gentle on yourself you are just at the start of the journey.

Anyway, enough of my waffling.  I´m thinking of an early night tonight (famous last words I know).

Gayle xxx