My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi everyone, have just got home from family tea at my mum's.

Haven't had chance to catch up with all your posts yet but just wanted to stop by and say that I have been thinking of you today Ailsa. Hope you manage to hold onto your sense of calm...

Much love, Manda xx

Well Ailsa, I actually did go out (even though I struggled with the idea). I was well looked after by my dear friend. The other one had not turned up so he got on the phone to ask where the said friend was. He duly appeared and nearly swallowed me up in the massive hug he gave me.  He became very emotional whilst talking with me and actually shed a tear. This was fine and the evening went fairly well. I met up with lots of people whom I have not seen for years. Omg how the years have flown and affected us all. One of these friends said he would like to take me out one evening. (help) So I panicked and told him I would only ever go out with him as a friend. I may have been a bit presumptious there, but his whole demeaner was not suggestive of only wanting friendship. I am safe though as he is returning home to Ireland early this morning. I drove this friend back to his house and then took the first friend home. This poor friend ended up being my shoulder to cry on as I let my guard down and had a major meltdown. I guess the evening was just too emotional for me. I arrived home at 03.25 and am now buzzing and just know that sleep is going to be even more elusive now.

If you made it this far then thank you for listening to the ramblings of one very confused 'penguin'.

Love and angel hugs and good luck for as happy a Bank Holiday monday as possible x x x Patricia x x x

Hi Judi, everyone

Have not forgotton photos, hair will be same as it was at this rate. Rachel has the photos on her phone as my batteries ran out whilst away. Still waiting for her to e-mail me them!

Morning everyone

Lesley hope the nightmares didnt return and Daniel slept x

Judi good luck with your jobs, you sound busy x and your night sounded lovely, great friends xx

Patricia good for you going out but sorry it was so emotional, dont disregard going out as friends. Might be fun!!!

Hi Manda, glad you had good night x

I didnt sleep very well last night, I m so tired but wide awake at 3am!! What s that all about x Me and Nat had a good day shopping yesterday, she got an outfit for Friday night and I got some shoes and a top. Heels again lol!!! Becoming a lady ha ha xx

Day of ironing and gardening today, sun shining here!!

Will be back later

Helen xxx

Evening All, I hope you all have had a good bank holiday, i have been working it was busy so time passed quickly, it has been nice here today. Ailsa i hope you are doing ok? Gayle your post made me cry you are so brave   you explained things to your lovely son's so well. Helen thinking of you and your family also this week , i hope your charity night goes well on Friday night. Lynne how's your dad doing now?  Judi i will give you some jobs to do in my house after you are finished in your house. Lesley Daniel is growing i was just looking at your photos on facebook. Hope everyone else is doing ok and i send luv and hugs to you all. Can't make up my mind whether to go a walk tonight or just watch tv think tv is going to win ( lazy or what) Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Fiona

I was not sure if Rachel had tagged those photos as private or not, glad you could see them. The sky has turned a lovely blue now that I have had a shower and put my PJ's on, so will have to watch TV, that's my excuse anyway. x

Judi, hair cut photo now on my profile!

Hi All, Jonathan took me out for a while today buying flooring for my downstairs hall,we bumped into Tabitha so he left the shop and when I asked her how she was she said she was in a very bad mood so I left her and still never got to see Murray. Joni is heartbroken that he was actually in the same shop as his son and could not get to see him, he will be getting big as he is now 5 weeks old. I stupidly decided to read over Bert's blog and I should not have as all it done was upset me so I have been sitting here in tears reading all the stuff he went through but not able to stop.  My daughter Claire was admitted to hospital yesterday as she has a chest infection she phoned the out of hours Dr for advice and because she had a pain in her chest she was admitted. Thankfully she got home again today  don't know that I could visit her as she was in the same place that Bert was in just sitting in A&E was bad enough for me.

Hoping tomorrow is nice as I need to paint my fence I started it today so figers crossed it will get finished tomorrow

Hugs to everyone that wants them

Love Teri

Evening everyone.  I made a start on the garage today so I feel like I have achieved something.  Hope it turns out as Chris planned it - either way I'm sure he would be pleased that his garage was finally organised!  Judi - I had to do the B & Q trip today as well - you sound like you have been very busy getting your place ready.  I needed masonary paint and garage floor paint - didn't even know there was such a thing till I saw it on the shelf.  I called in to see my youngest daughter Toni's house today.  She & her boyfriend are doing a house up to rent out.  They are so funny - they keep arguing about how to do things and then consoling each other when the wallpaper goes wrong etc.  It seems to be coming along though.

Patricia - staying out until after 3.  I am so glad you went even if it has left you a little confused.  I hope you had lots of smiles and laughs during the evening.

Helen I hope you sleep a bit better tonight.  Even if you don't though don't let it worry you.  Fighting it only makes it worse.  Chris always used to say it was good enough to be resting even if sleep won't come.

Lesley your hair looks really nice and isn't Daniel growing fast??  I hope you don't have nightmares again tonight.

Sue good luck with the RFL training.  I have been doing lots of extra walking.  I wear a pedometer to count my steps each day and give me a goal.

Manda I still seem to be calmer than a week ago so things are still looking better than before.

Teri it is such a shame that Jonathan is still being kept away from his son.  I hope they are able to sort it out soon.  I'm glad Claire is home from the hospital.  You really don't need anything more to fret about.  I have my fingers crossed for good weather for you tomorrow.  I just managed to get my lawn cut between showers today.

I hope everyone I haven't mentioned is okay today.  I have one more job to do before bedtime so have a good night everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Just a very quick post from me this evening as I have work in the morning and at the moment I can't find any shoes (I know, it sounds odd to me too, but it's true!)  But I just had to tell you that I have spent a wonderful three hours with Gayle ....... Yeah finally!!.  I have now discovered quite how she fits so much into her days/weeks.  I think she actually has 36 hours in her day, not 24 like the rest of us!   I didn't quite check her handbag as she left to search for the aforementioned shoes but it is looking mighty suspicious!  I can only assume I have polyfilla'd them into one of my repairs. 

Anyway, I will be back tomorrow and catch up with evreyones posts - until then, you know that I am sending loads of love to all. 

Judi xxxx